Good morning chickies!!

This is a quick post, just to get the new month going.

Our year is almost HALF over! What have we accomplished? What can we still accomplish? What are our goals for this month or the rest of this year? By the end of this month, we will be at our half way point for the year. I for one know that I want to accomplish a lot by the end of the year, and that means that I'd better kick this into gear if I'm going to achieve. How about you?

Ok, I'll go first.

The last part of April and pretty much the entire month of May were a washout. Seems like about ever 20 pounds or 4 months or so, I totally lose it. The last time I did this was last year, and it took me 4 MORE months just to get back on track. If I do NOT want to make my goals for this year, fine. But if I DO, then I'd better get my rear in gear. As the title of our thread suggests. Ok .. goals for June.

Calories - 1200 - 1400 per day as they have been. Need to get back on track with fitday.com and be consistent. Last month was a wash.
Water - 6 bottles or large glasses per day.
Sleep - In bed by 9:30, up by 4:45.
Cardio - 30 minutes on the treadmill 3 times a week. I'm going to be following coolrunning.com's couch potato to 5K. Go me.
Pilates - 3 times a week.
Weights - UB Shoulders/Back, UB Arms, LB - three way split. Yes. That means 3 times a week. I am serious about this, right?
Riding - Have fun.
Scale Victory - This is going to be a **** month. Not only do I want to lose the weight I've gained (lets not go there) but I want to move forward. I was at 172. Last month I should have lost another 5 pounds, that would have put me at 167. So by 06/30/04, I want to weigh 162. I don't know if that's possible, but by God I'm going to give it a try.
Stealth Goal - See above.
NEW CATEGORY! NSV - I want, by the end of this month, to THROW these damn clown pants in the garbage and NEVER allow myself to creep up enough to have to wear them again! Argh. I want to be firmly into my smaller jeans, period. I do not want them to be too tight to wear on my "feeling fat" days. So there.

Like I said above, this year is almost half over. If I want to reach my goal weight by the end of the year, I had better get hoofing.

Part of my complacency problem is my body image thing. I had actually gotten to the point where I saw myself as fat. I was painfully aware of how I looked. All the time. I no longer had that self delusion that I was 40 pounds lighter than I actually was. I think that's one of the reasons I was so depressed all the time. Now, when I see myself in the mirror, I have to look twice. Because not only have I lost fat, but I am reshaping my body. In the past when I lost weight, I did it all wrong. I stopped eating, and the only exercise I would get would be aerobic. So I never really built muscle, as a matter of fact, I would lose it. So yeah, the numbers on the scale would go down, but I wouldn't really change my appearance. I just ended up being a slightly smaller version of my fat little self. Odd how that works. THIS time, however, between the running, riding, pilates and weights, my whole body is being reshaped, redefined, reinvented. I have collarbones. I have muscle definition in my arms and legs. My face has thinned, my jawline is obvious. I can see my delts and traps. I have a waistline. I hardly recognize me, because I have never looked like this in my life. Even waaay back when I was powerlifting, I had fat covering the muscle, and couldn't see the definition. It has been a true combination of the right food, hydration, and lifting AND aerobics AND core exercise that has created this change. Problem? I look in the mirror and I get so hyped that I've done so much that it feels like I can slack off. I look so good (relatively speaking, of course) that it doesn't seem like I need to work as hard as I have been. This has become "good enough." But it's NOT, dammit. It's NOT good enough. I don't WANT to stop here. So why am I? Why am I so tickled with my body being so different that it has become "good enough?" I don't want just "good enough." I want better. I want BEST. And the really scary part is - now I know I can do it. There is nothing stopping me. I know how to eat, I know how to work out, I know how to do this now. So why have I let "good enough" become a stopping point? When did mediocrity become acceptable? Obviously it isn't, not really. Or I wouldn't be sitting here gritting my teeth and feeling like I need a swift whack upside the head with a ball bat. But I let what was really important fade into the background for the immediate gratification moments. And you know... I'm not all that sorry I did. I'm learning there have to be those spontaneous silly fun times - especially with kids. The telling myself and my daughter I cannot afford, financially or physically, a smoothie, but then swerving across three lanes (no traffic, thank goodness ) to dive into Bruster's to get one for everyone in the family on the way home anyway. Or .. renting all these movies we've been dying to see and watching them all in a row till our eyes felt like they were going to fall out of our heads and enjoying popcorn (it was the 94% fat free kind!) and rootbeer (diet ICB) while we were rooted to the TV. Just .. moments in time. But that is not my ROUTINE, and that is what I have to remember. So.

Back to the routine.

This is where things really start to change. What follows is mental rambling. I do not mean to offend anyone by it, try to remember I've been there. It is obvious to me that we as a society (and I am not exempt, sadly) categorize people by weight. There are the very heavy people. Those who are beyond morbidly obese. I was in this category right after I had Machine. Where people will stare at you, laugh, make horrible comments. Then there are the ones who have a LOT to lose, but they aren't quite in the "omg" category. That's where I have been for so long. Those are the ones who are largely "invisible." Not so fat that people see you, not slender enough to be seen either. That's where my daughter was, too. Then the next stage down. Overweight, but people see you. Not so fat that people can ignore you anymore. Average. Acceptably plump. That's about where my daughter and I are now. Then.. you start moving into the world of .. what? Normal? Considering how many people in this country are overweight, I wouldn't consider being at your optimal weight and physically fit "normal." Societally not just acceptable, but favored. Preferred. And if there is anyone out there who thinks that overweight people are not treated differently than physically fit people, they need a reality check. And so... this is where the big changes start. Going from marginally acceptable, societally tolerable, to that new area of preferred. I have only been in that segment of society physically twice in my life. Both times were psychologically disastrous for me because I had no idea how to handle it. People treated me so differently. I didn't understand, I couldn't cope. And perhaps that is why this "good enough" stage seems comfortable. I am pushing the envelope of the mental side of the weight loss. No excuse. What I have to really get a handle on is that getting physically fit, losing the fat, is MORE important than it is scary. It is scary. It creates a huge amount of anxiety, more now than ever because I do realize I really can do this. But what do I want? To accept mediocrity and tolerability? Or do I strive for the best? Mentally, I have handled a lot in my life. It's time for me to handle this. I can, and I will.

Well. Alrighty then... how about everyone else? Goals? Fears? Stumbling blocks? Happy JUNE!!

good morning all. I stumble to my computer after a killer spin class. I feel really good after my long weekend. My goals for June . . . . Well, my workouts have stayed constant. I need to fit in the yoga - see if my joints can hurt less. I am also going to hopefully upgrade my gym membership so I can do the spin class more often. In maybe another 20 pounds, I want to get a second weight program to focus on gluts and abs. Eating, well, I have to admit the last two weeks, I have taken about a half step back. I am not completely mindlessly eating. I start eating bad, then throw the rest out. (not good for the finances). So, I want to go back to thinking about what I eat before I eat it. The choice is still mine, I want to put the thought first. I feel good though. Continue the riding, and again, put my mind into it.

If I keep on track, I should be under 250 by the end of the month. Again, averaging a 2 pound loss per week is my goal. And focusing on myself and taking on step at a time.

Here's to a super month for all of us

Hey all. I just wanted to ramble a bit. What Raven said about body image, "normal," and "ideal" really got me thinking. Where do we look for what is "normal?" If you go by percentages, where we are at is "normal." The majority of the American population is overweight. I saw a blip on the news this morning about how even things like caskets and living room chairs are being supersized for people 300 pounds, 500 pounds, and even more. We are "the norm." But, super sized or not, all around us or not, we all know that the extra weight is not healthy. So where do we look for "ideal." Magazines? TV and movies? The fashion industry? Hardly. The norm their is size 0 or 2. Plus size models are 14s or 16s. I look at the women in the magazines, even a lot of the sports magazines, and know that I would never be able to look like that. I come from a short, round woman and a tall, round man. I got eating habits from them, sure. But genetically, even had I been taught healhty eating and exercise habits from birth, I still would not look like those women. I have a large frame, and a body predisposed to larger muscles. (my calves are huge and my arm muscles are large, even though I can't lift a lot of weight yet). So it is no wonder that our body image is skewed. We see people around us that are overweight. We see the ideal, as a size most of us are not genetically blessed to look like. We have predjudice against us. Yes, I agree with Raven that overweight people are treated differently. It seems to be the last "ok" thing to be predjudiced against. Because of course if we weren't all lazy, undisciplined people, we wouldn't look like this, yes? Look at shows like "Less than Perfect" Why is she less than perfect? She is pretty, good job, intelligent, funny. Oh yeah, overweight. That must be it. How often in movies or tv does the "fat girl" get the guy? I can only think of two, where the overweight person was not funny sidekick - "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and a show on ABC Family called "Beautiful Girl." Heck, that is where I picked my name for here. Because fat girls are all jolly, right? Ho, fricking, ho. We are treated differently, taken less seriously, disrespected. But I have to wonder how much of it is a self fulfilling prophecy. We don't respect ourselves, think less of ourselves because of how we look. That HUGE chip on our shoulders is just as unattractive as the weight. How can I expect someone else to appreciate me, when I don't appreciate myself?

But, getting back to ideal, maybe I need to read pure sports (or female sports) magazines. I love runner's world, even though I can't run right now. The athletes there look like an ideal we all might attain. Different frames, different conditions, different sports. Something for everyone. The best picture I saw was of Serena (or Venus, I forget) Williams. She had curves. She was NOT a size 2. But she looks beautiful, and we all know her body works.

I don't know. Like I said, just my ramble for the day.

Have a good one

Alrighty, off to another month. Whew!

First, I need to take a look back for a minute...

1. Started WW Feb 18th. Their weigh in had me at 255. Home scale said 256.5
2. Highest weight I have ever been was Feb 2000, 283. Egads.
3. Currently, as of June 1, home scale has me at 224, almost 60 pounds down from highest. WW has me at 227.2.
4. A total loss since Feb 18th on WW of 27.8, home scale of 59.

Goals? ****, I've accomplished a lot so far, so my biggest goal is to keep on moving along on the right path I've chosen, yes CHOSEN, at this point in my life. Mini goals, immediate goals, long term goals...here they are:

1. Drop the other 2.2 before hubby returns on June 11th. That will make 30 pounds gone. Big accomplishment for me.
2. THIS IS MY STEALTH GOAL: Drop a total of 27.2 by the time I have my surgery August 11th. That is a approximately 2 pounds a week, and I can do it if I don't sabotage myself.
3. If I don't hit the 50 gone by August 11th, then I would like it to be gone by my birthday, November 2nd.
4. Absolute goal: Be under 200 by the end of the year. (This is my slug goal, as I know I can accomplish it by then.)
5. Dream goal would be: 50 down by August 11th, then 5 pounds a month after that until goal, which would come around Spring 2005. Wear a nice swimsuit next Summer!

Alright, no way would I have been able to accomplish this withouth the support of my friends on this thread. I was MIA for the first part of this year, but am back now and plan on being here for quite some time.

My mental ramblings for today are more frustrations: Most of the smallest "plus" size clothes are too big (except for around the chest area), and the "normal" size clothes are a little too tight. I figure 20 more pounds and I will be in all "normal" size clothes. The first time for me since high school. My big head trip right now is that the only time I remember being under 200 was when I was a junior in high school. That weight was 175. That is my big head game right now.

Okay, just a note/word to Sassy: GIRL, YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EYES!! Oh my gosh, looking at those wonderful pictures, in which you and hubby look so happy, your eyes are amazing! Plus, girl, we have the same hair, except I have bangs. I knew we had so much in common! I have a feeling if you, Raven and I ever got to hang out, there would be much trouble wherever we went!!! Don't you think so, Raven??

Okay, big hugs to everyone here and here's to a great month. I hope to report being in the Twoteen's by the end of the month. Big goal would be to 217 by month's end. Let's see if it happens!

Chach

Just a quick note to everyone to say I'm here with you and in a mad rush. Glad you liked the "fishbowl" analogy. Yesterday I was able to add a lot of fresh water. Felt great. Got to the gym though I couldn't afford the time out, I took it! and am now paying for it, but what the heck. I will stumble through this interview I've got in a couple hours somehow. . .

Raven, we could be leading parallel lives. Your post really got me thinking, or rather, you wrote what I could have written. I will say more later when I come up for air.

Jolly, yes, there is no real model for people out there these days. Even the fitness magazines are full of unnatural bodies, no longer simply "unrealistic" but unnatural, women who are lean with muscle definition but with grapefruit-size silicon boobs. It's simply not possible to have a body like that. It's horrible. It's freakish. I don't want to buy the magazines but I wish there was some model I could look at to help me with my mental imagery of where I want to be. Like Raven, I've never been where I think I want to go and it's next to impossible to imagine it. And, there are no longer any women's sports magazines.

Chachee, it sounds like you've got a good clear goal in mind and it's very well within reach. Keep plugging away and you'll be there for sure soon. By the way, people, can you tell me what you all mean by a "stealth goal?"

Ok, gotta run. Will check in with my goals for June, random ramblings etc. sometime in the next few days for sure.

Hi...

Can I join this thread even though its midyear? I need to lose 90 pounds and am just getting started!

Thanks,
Elaine

ElaineR,

Hello and welcome! I'm one of the new members myself but I'm very sure everyone here will give you a big welcome. Good luck and please tell us your goals for the month of June!

Hi Redballoon..

Thanks for your welcome. I currently weigh 222, my goal is 130. I've been miserable with my weight for years, but not always this heavy. My weight began creeping up about 1994.. first it was 150, then 162... then 178.. by the late 90's, it stabilized around 182.. but in the past two years my eating has been completely out of control and I topped 200 Jan of 2002.

This is my first venture into really getting serious and committed and I am a little nervous about really being able to do it... but I know I will. I have to! At 46, I have high blood pressure.. asthma and backaches. I have no social life to speak of and I just can't continue to live a life where I work all day, then go home and eat to entertain myself.

My goal for June is really to actually stay on a diet and exercise program for more than a day without falling off the wagon. Today is day 1. Weight wise, since I know weight comes off more quickly in the beginning.. I think it is realistic to lose 15 pounds this first month. I know that pace won't continue and thats ok.

Today: 222
June 30: 207

Thanks everybody. I am probably going to need alot of hand holding

Best,
Elaine

Hi girls! I've ben away for a bit and have missed alot. Don't have alot of time but wanted to check in.

Foodd water, exercise is wonderful. I'm down 5 pounds.

We have been hit with wave after wave of severe weather here. We had 2 tornado warnings Sunday with 8 touch downs in the tri state area. 2 in our county. 1 tornado warning last night with 1 touchdown 3 miles from our house. Me and Gary watched the blackest funnel cloud go across the sky behind our house last night. It was creepy. Jordan had a friend over and I had to put them in the safe place and so on.

Can't post goals right now but we are leaving for Florida on the 20th. I hope to be down another 5 pounds by then. We shall see.

Happy, so glad I inspired you to stop smoking. I haven't give up on the thought yet! I think about it everyday and I know I will get there.

Hello's to everyone. Gotta run. Take care!

Ok. Just lost the thread I posted, and have to get back to work so . . .WElcome Elaine. Chachee - you have done great. Red - keep the water coming. Hippy - welcome back, and congrats on the loss.

I want to make the 20 pound mark at next weigh in, so need to stay focused. Also, send some kicks my way at the end of the week, so I do my yoga tape.

Have a good day all.

Wow, you too, Jolly? Ticked me off so bad I just shut the window and gave up for then. I had this big long post and sloppy moused it and clicked on one of the #@&$%@ advertisements and blew my post into the ether. *sigh*

Elaine - Welcome! You sound like me about 2 years ago. Whatever we can do to help, just let us know! I'm 43 and started out at 218. It's been a long road so far - but I've managed to lose more than 40 pounds and I'm changing my life. Not just going on a diet till I lose weight then going back to the same stuff that made me fat to begin with. Are you on any specific plan? What do you like to do for exercise?

Hippy - Glad to see everything is going well! I've missed you! Hope the weather calms down a bit.

Red - Sounds like you had a heck of a good workout day.

Chachee - I think the word "chosen" is so appropriate. And it's a good reminder.

Alright. I'm working on too little sleep. My biggest challenge is getting my butt OFF my horse. It doesn't get dark here till later than 9, I didn't get home last night till after 10 - didn't get into bed till after midnight. Not good when you have to wake up before 5 if you want to work out. I'm doing pretty good on food - need to eat more. Doing ok on water, need to drink more. Somehow I need to address the scheduling thing. But last night was so so pretty. Beautiful moon, soft warm night, but not hot... it was perfect. Tonight Nick and I go to the stables. I'm supposed to work Eve on the ground and get her giving to the bit better but boy I'll tell you, I really just want to work with Arashi more. He's gotten so fun. He's starting to develop some nice neck muscles because of the work we're doing, and now when he arches up he looks like some sort of magical creature. How did I get so lucky? If I ever get to the point where I can teach him collection, he's going to be a real eye-catcher.

It's Wednesday already. Three cheers for short work-weeks!!

Hi Everyone!

Whew, life is incredibly busy around here. Just haven’t had a chance to slow down.

My son is still sick, so I was off work half a day yesterday. I did, however, start my weights program. I am going to do it three times a week, slowly building to my 8 pound weights and an advanced workout. Do my cardio three times a week, weights three times a week, and I should be looking good by the end of the year. Really want to build up those chest and arm muscles before the surgery.

Hubby called this morning. He got the boat loaded early, and is leaving Bangkok Saturday morning. He will be home to us Saturday, 9:35 am. (The time difference is huge, and so is the amount of flying time.) That is a week earlier than expected. I probably won’t get my goal of 2.2 more realized, as weigh in is tonight and it’s TOM. Ick. I’ll be happy to only gain 2.2. Oh well, such is life!

Watched a documentary on cannibalism last night. Needless to say, I don’t have much of an appetite and will never eat pork again. One of the serial killers described human flesh tasting like….wait, I better not say it as some of you may have weak stomachs. Needless to say, not going to eat a whole lot of meat the next little bit! Why did I do that right before bed?? Duh!

Elaine: Welcome. We are almost at the same place. I am currently at 227.2 on my WW weigh in and want to get to 150’ish. This is a great group of women to help you out!

Red: I stole that “stealth” goal from Raven. To me, it means the most aggressive goal I could set for myself. Going into “stealth mode” means hitting it hard, silently and aggressively. (To me that is!)

Hippy: Great job on the 5 pound loss! Slowly but surely!! Sorry your weather has been so bad! Have fun camping and I am sure you will meet your goal by then!

Jolly: I think all our lost posts are having a party in cyberspace. I hate it when that happens! Thanks and I’m already sending you mental kicks for the yoga tape. I started my weights, so you start that too! Be good over the weekend!

Raven: Scheduling can be such a hard thing to get in order. I know I do so much better when I’m on my own with my son. Only have to worry about ourselves. If I don’t get into bed and asleep by 10:00 pm, I’m good for nothing in the mornings. Plus, I’ve never been one of the cheery/happy/wanna-punch-in-the-face-when-I-see-them morning people. I’m pretty good if no one even talks to me before I have my shower after I work out. Hmm…maybe should have looked into being a hermit? No way, love my son and hubby too much!

Alrighty, I’ll try to check in tonight after weigh in. Dread/doom/gloom. But, as my dear friend Raven told me once, if I don’t go and face it, then I can’t get over it and move on. Plus, it may not be as bad as I think it will be. Thanks, Rave!

Chach

Good morning, people. 5:30 a.m. here, been up since 4, haven't done much though and it's all waiting for me. Hitting the peak now of work. God, I'll be so glad when this is over. I need time off, time for me. Interview behind me, transcribing the tape, writing the story ahead. Want to get in riding today as had to cancel on Tuesday. God, I hate that. I work so hard to keep the horse and then if I can't ride her, it's meaningless. Maybe I should stop looking at it that way though. Rainy season is setting in here too, which means I never know when I'll be rained out as there's no inside ring. No gym yesterday, too busy. Oh well, seems that's my life these days. Can't even talk to other people because they talk about weekends and days off, wish me 'have a nice weekend' and it's so irrelevant. Alas. . ..

I made some great saves yesterday, thanks in large no doubt to being over the hormonally challenging time of the month. God, I hate that. Guys must have it so easy. The difference is dramatic, it's not me, it's this chemical screwup that forces my hand. I understand why people reach for the drugs. After a while it's like, oh, this is too ridiculous, this constant battle with the mood swings, the attack on one's resolve, the mad urge to eat and eat and eat. It seems like I spend 10 days of the month doing fantastic, not eating, doing lots of exercise and then the rest of the month I start to waver, then crash and burn, gain back all the weight I lost and then it's the same thing over and over again. I wish I could get out of this vicious cycle.

Yes, but those saves yesterday were nice and I suppose I could have easily NOT done them. Normally I would have happily been at the gym working out but I was tied to my computer and that makes me want to stick food in my mouth. Something in my mouth. It used to be cigarettes. So I was off to the convenience store, mainly just for a walk, but then all those sweet things beckon. But I asked myself, NOW, NOW, this is when the choice is made, this is where it starts! Do you want to get lean or not, and I didn't get anything sweet, which is wasted calories. It got me thinking, the sweet things seem so innocent, so harmless, and I guess anything is by itself but it adds up and up and then we have the weight problem. I really tried to think, look, the stress is NOT going away by putting something in your mouth. You're no different from a baby with a pacifier.

Will try to keep this dialogue going next time I head for the store, pass a kiosk, have sweets offered me at work etc. etc. . . . on and on ad nauseum.

I am sick to death of being sloppy looking and that's what it comes down to. Wearing loose clothes to hide the rolls, I'm just sick of it . . oh rant away. Sorry!

*******

You all who lose your posts all the time, why don't you do what I do and always type the posts in a separate file and save as I go along, then just paste it in. It's really no extra work and it'll save you losing everything.

ElaineR, please don't be nervous. Relax, you have already come far if you've begun to stop, look and really think about what you're doing, what you've been doing that has gotten you up to this weight. It doesn't matter if you have 20 pounds of fat on you or 200, it's each and every little decision you make along the way that puts it on. It's the SAME decision, it's no different. It's not like there's a decision that says, "OK, let's put on 200 pounds!" and one that says "let's put on just one little pound!" It's ALWAYS a little decision. OK, binge eating will get you there faster but the impetus, the spark, the thing that starts you going is the same. Don't get too hyper about losing weight. Just take it easy and make little changes in your lifestyle. Those are the little things that add up to big changes, over time. Instead of coming home and eating calorie dense whatever, switch to eating tons of fruit or something. I don't know about you but with me it's often just wanting to stuff something in my mouth, anything and since I don't want to eat anything artificial, I can't satisfy this urge with noncaloric things. For now, I'm still into stuffing, must be the oral fixation or something. But slowly I'm changing that too. I'm looking at what the urge is really about and then trying to deal with that. You're already doing that. That's why you've come here. You've made a major step! Keep it up!

****

Well, I've got to get to work. Will talk to you all later.

Well, no excuses for me now. I was just too tired to make it out to the stables tonight. Nick had a headache, I was tired and ... way under my caloric intake. Work just ran over the top of me today and the only thing I had to eat was a cup of oatmeal.

That did not contribute to a good mental state.

So I made some of the Zatarain's Pasta Alfredo with chicken and a mess of steamed broccoli. Not THE healthiest choice going, but really not that bad, either. Cut out most of the butter and use skim milk. And quite tasty, actually. Still a little high in sodium. I like the pasta scampi with shrimp, too.

So anyway... that means that I can go to bed on time tonight! Woo! The kitchen is already cleaned up, the laundry is all done, the dogs have been walked and fed. And that means I can get up early enough to work out tomorrow morning. A good start.

Red - When will you be able to take a break? A much needed one, it seems. You know.. I used to feel that way about my horses too. And I feel your pain on the no covered arena issue. I'm in the same boat. And with the lightning and heavy rainstorms we've been having lately, sometimes I feel really guilty if it's a nice night and I'm not out there riding. But I guess at some point I realized my horses are with me because I love them. They give me a great deal of pleasure and stress relief. Even at the same time as I'm worrying about them and trying this supplement or that for hooves or weight gain or joint problems, or worrying about an abscess or ... lord knows. They are my therapy. But they cease to be good for me if I guilt trip myself all over the place about not feeling like making the drive because I'm tired or have other obligations sometimes. I suppose if I ignored them for weeks on end, that would be one thing. But we're out there minimally 5 days a week almost without fail. It's all good.

And yes, rant away!! That's what we're here for.