Greetings to all lurkers and posters.
This is going to be a new thread topic focused on "studying" Dr Phils The Ultimate Weight Solution
We invite you to read the entire book or take it one chapter at a time, following the discussion within this thread.

We will begin discussing Chapter One on Sunday.. May 2, 2004
Each Sunday we will start discussing the next chapter for that week.
This will be a 12 week program. We hope all of you join in every week.

It is recommended you have a pen, pencil and/or a colored highlighter with you as you read.
Mark every word, sentence, phrase or paragraph that hit home for YOU.
Read each chapter as if you are going to be tested .. (You're not going to be tested)
Then come to this thread and share what hit home for you... what you took away with you from that chapter and how you are incorporating it into YOUR life.
Feel free to post often ... you may get a dozen different topics you want to share per each chapter.

I know many can read the entire book in an evening... others will need a week... while some of us may need the entire 12 weeks. There are 12 chapters ... plus a few extra topics at the end. But the idea of this thread is to share what we learned from each chapter and learn from others insights.

You do not have to be a Dr. Phil fan... many here are not. BUT... let's face it... we can all learn something new that just might be what will make a difference.
Each Sunday anyone can feel free to copy and paste this introduction and then start the new study.
Be sure to title it Book Study /Chapter #/ date-date
We are looking forward to reading everyones input.

Good Sunday morning.
I want to wish everyone a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!!
I just wanted to start the new thread in case someone is ready to post their thoughts and feelings. Okay... CHAPTER TWO...

GET REAL EXPECTATIONS and GOALS

I got lucky! (not that way, darn ) It is raining, well, starting too so I have a reprieve from yard work. I used my time wisely to start chapter two!

Things I like:

Page 22
I will do what works for me, I will adjust my life to what is best for my health and my well-being, and I will make the right changes (ugh) in order to be in harmony with reality. ( who sings that song CH CH CH Changes?? 2Cute and I need that CD!!)

Page 23
I need to work on building the right mind-set in order to get on and stay on the right track.

Page 31
If I can recognize that it's not the specific weight I want to attain, but also the feelings that I associate with it.
Which also says I don't think I can have those feelings without being slender!

When I know what I want - how it looks, how it feels, and what experiences it contain - then I can begin to guide my life like a ship toward the harbor light because I now have goals that are exactly, precisely and realistically defined.
I like "guide my ship towards the harbor light".

I am up to "set my goals" but think I will read them this afternoon. Shoot - is it starting to clear up!! Let the rain come!

Page 23

"It's best that you don't think of body image as what you see when you look in a mirror; it's a reaction you have within you, in response to what you see. Body image encompasses the things you tell yourself about how you look, good or bad, fat or thin, good looking or ugly, and whether you are satisfied or dissatisfied with what you see when you see yourself when you look in the mirror."

This couldn't be more timely for me. Yesterday, at my mom's house, we were looking at pictures from my high school days. I marveled at how 'thin' I was, while distinctly remembering looking at the same pictures then, thinking I was fat. I was in a bikini in one of the pictures. I was a chubby kid. Pudgy, not morbidly obese, just chubby. My body image was formed when my mom would sigh and take me shopping in the chubby section and my grandfather would tell me I was fat every time he saw me eating, and when my brothers would tease me and call me fat names. In the seventh grade, my mom and I went to Lean Line and I lost the weight. I was a normal weight and body size for the rest of my teen years and well into my twenties, but the body image never changed. I always thought of myself as fat. I would cringe when I saw myself in the mirror, would always find something wrong with my image. How sad. So many wasted years of hating myself. I look at the photos and think how different things could have been had I not been so critical of my image.

I don't want to dwell on this because I'm feeling the "Oh, how I feel sorry for myself" trigger which usually prompts eating something, anything, preferably sweet. I did something different today, however. I dug out a big notebook and started a journal. One section just for my thoughts and responses to Dr Phil, one section for the foods eaten, and an exercise log, maybe another section will be to chart my losses.

It feels good to be in control. Or at least to recognize the trigger and take steps to counteract it.

Back to reading...

David Bowie...love him!

Kat.. oh how I can relate to everything you said. I was never thin for as long as you were... mine usually only lasted a week or so. LOL

Most of my bad memories are the disgust my mom had of her mom.. who was FAT too... and her unhappiness with her fat daughters. But one of my memories that won't go away after 30 years is with my dad. He never said much of anything ... good or bad. But once I "lost" 10lbs while in the hospital. He said ... "Don't worry , you'll "find" it again." I remember "feeling" so defeated at that moment. It is such a minor comment and today I don't think he meant anything by it... probably just joking..... BUT.. I can not lose that defeated feeling every time I lose 10 lbs still to this day.

NOW... for the being honest with oneself. (I am talking about me not you)
There comes a time when you have to put the past behind you and take responsiblity for yourself. It does not matter what anyone said when you were younger... or even last week. IT IS TIME to deal with it and MOVE ON. As they say... "GET OVER IT !!"
Why is that so hard to do ???? How do you let go of it.?? I learned this lesson many years ago in OA. I have to go back and do what I did then. Wish I had more time to share what I DID... LOL ... but I have to run. PLUS.. I think we need to do what Dr. Phil says to do... not moi. Afterall.. I am the one still fat.

Okay - I'm at the goal setting phase and think that I have done pretty good on setting them.

He say's that we need to recognize that it's not only the amount that we need to lose but the feeling that accompanies that loss that's important (pg 31). My goal has always been "I'm going to lose weight." Well, he says that is too vague and a vague goal will mean failure. I've now set specific goals and ways to reach them.

Thye biggest thing for me to accomplish my goals is to follow through with the behavior changes that I've set for myself. That has been my downfall in the past.

pg 34 - Understand that it is not possible for you to be overweight unless you have generated and adopted a lifestyle to sustain it. How true that is. Just reading the posts here we all have something or someone in our past who has contributed to the way we feel about ourselves (good or bad). I, too, felt like such a huge house when I was a kid. I wasn't, but it sure felt like it. I can't pinpoint a specific time/comment/event that made me feel like that, but I know it must be there somewhere.

One of the behaviors that I learned from my mother was the emotional eating. Ice cream, chocolate, chips, all the crap. When something was going wrong, we'd "comfort" ourselves with the "comfort" food. I still struggle with that. This weekend with the funeral and all I wanted so badly to pig out, but I was so good and I didn't. I stuck to my "diet" and followed it - and the result was I've now lost a total of 10 lbs. I know that Dr. P has said that will power is a myth, but I think that day to day we still need to use it a little when we want to eat what we shouldn't.

I can also remember being disgusted with my "fat" family (Gramma's, uncles & even mom). I didn't want to end up looking like them and now I do. In fact I'm about the same size as my mom. I suppose it stems from kids teasing at school about being fat?! Now my daughter thinks that she's the fattest thing (she's not!) and I don't want her to struggle as I've struggled. I want to be a good role model for her.

I got through page 37 and have set a goal for myself to lose a total of 50 lbs by October 2004. That's a little less than 10 lbs per month - I haven't ever really tried this so I'm not sure what's realistic or not. We'll see what happens - with the loss so far I'm only 40 lbs away from that goal!

I really hate facing that one!!

But one can't change what one doesn's acknowledge.

Off to make dinner and then read!!

Okay, I'm still back on page 23-24 - the body image.

Who asked about lettting the past go? Here's a visual that I'm stealing from Kat.
This holds true about the images we have of ourselves. We need to let go of what we hold in our minds and create positive ones. I've had a terrible body image for as long as I can remember - pudgy in grade school. I remember running around in a two piece swimming suit when I must have been around 10 and dad telling mom that I needed to put something else on - but it was okay for my cousin to run around in her two piece suit. I took that to mean that I didn't look good. I also remember dad being on mom about how I didin't do enough around the house - that I needed to do the housework and what was wrong with me that I didn't know what to do. Dad was always on my case about not knowing how to do things that an adult would know how to do. I got above average grades in school and I knew I was smart but I didn't feel that way. Because of the things dad said, I felt dumb and because I was so self-conscious about my size, I have NEVER felt like I fit in anywhere. I don't have a knack for all the girly things and feel like a failure as a female. To compensate for the lonliness and feelings of failure, I ate and ate some more. I have this image that I was big in high school and that I didn't have fun. But when I look back at the pictures, that isn't true. Yes, I was overweight but I wasn't that big and ugly as I remember.

So, I'm going to open the window and let the past go too. I don't blame dad because he didn't make me feel things. It was the things he said. If I still feel things because of that now, then that's my fault. Did dad do it to harm me? No, he was just being the person he was.

When I look in the mirror tomorrow, I will see the progress I've made. I will see the person I am and want to be.

Sorry if that got a bit morose! Must have been because I spent the weekend with mom and its brought up feelings from home.

No more past! Its all about what we do with our future.

Good job, Terri.

I am on page 32 and underlined the whole thing - I will need all of you to help me. As I posted a while ago - I can't seem to see my issue so I plan to type away and see if any of you have any insight.

When he said I have to have a goal to succeed I almost quit. I never make goals - and I don't know why. Fear of failure, I suppose.

I weighed around 130 until about 9 years ago but in my mind I always looked like I do now at 240. I made it all come true.

Well, back to reading.

Lucky -

Is it fear of failure or fear of achieving success and finding out that you have change other things?

Wow.. I just could not read and not comment. That is a character trait I own... sometimes it is good.. sometimes not. LOL

Lisa...Goal setting. That is a hard one for me. I am like Lucky in this area.... I never set goals. I have always just tried to live in the todays. BUT... if you read any motivational people.. they all say to set goals. Then live your life in a manner each day to reach those goals. Take audit if you are being successful. If not.. change your todays to be a lifestyle to succeed at your goals. I have set my goal to be 30 lbs lighter by September when I go to Missouri to a wedding and hopefully see Terri in her skinner bod too.
I will take that goal on by 5 lbs a whack. That is 6 lbs a month. May thru Sept. That is definitey a realistic goal. But I know from experience... what I am eating now will only maintain my weight. I must improve my food choices while exercising more to lose those 6 lbs a month. I also must be grateful for that loss. I always wanted 5 lbs a WEEK. That is NOT realistic.
I am also so moved by your wanting to be a good example for your child.
I feel shame that I was not and am not a good example for my children even now while they are grown adults. I can either condemn myself for this.. OR .. I can change myself. I am choosing to CHANGE MYSELF.

Terri .... You made great comments about letting go of the past and moving on. But remember this. Dr. Phil also said..."one can't change what one does not acknowledge". We must first FACE THE PAST ... and then let it go.
That was the greatest gift OA gave me. I had to write an inventory about myself. I had to face the past... of what I did or did not do. Of how I felt or did not feel. I had to face the truth about myself and how I let others influence me. THEN ... you told it ALL to another human being. Together you learned where you were at fault.. and where others had truly hurt you.... and what you did to hurt yourself more.
THEN... you learned to LET IT GO !!! To move beyond those limitations you put on yourself. It was wonderful. !!! Of course I didn't think so at the time I was doing all of that writing and confessing. I lost 300lbs of shame and guilt ... and 80lbs of FAT back then.

Lucky.... What an eye opener you said.... WOW !!! That slapped me in the face.
Yes... we do make our self image come true.
And if we can make ourselves fat.. we can also make ourselves THIN.
Like I have always said... Attitude is EVERYTHING !!!

Okay.. gotta go. I haven't read yet tonight. I need to quit talking and read more instead. Well ladies.. good night.
MAKE IT A GOOD DAY TODAY !!!

WOW !!!! What a POWERFUL POWERFUL chapter !!!!!
I was only going to read one small section and I could not quit until I read it all.
It scared me... it wowed me... it moved me... it empowered me !!!

I am not going to take it line by line tonight. BUT...
I am going to write out my PLAN OF ACTION !!!

MY goal is to lose 6 lbs per month to reach a 30lb weight loss by September 18th.
My goal is to be able to get up and down the steps outside my house with greater ease.
My goal is reach the next weight level DOWN on the doctors scale.
My goal is to be more flexible so I can manuver on an exam table for a needed exam.

To reach this goal I WILL....
I will water exercise 30-60 minutes a day... 5-7 days a week
I will walk 1/2 mile 3-4 times a week
I will work out on my cardio glide or exercise tape 3-4 times a week.
I will drink 8 glasses of water a day
I will eat smaller portions
I will eat 2 fruits or veggies a day.
I will make wiser food choices... limiting/eliminating fats, sugars and foods high in carbs.

I have begun this recovery process on Monday ... May 10, 2004
I will record my "actions" I take to reach these goals.

Quote from Page 37 and 39... I don't know if you have read this whole chapter yet or not... but if you have not... I HIGHLY recommend it !!! Read it.. write in it. Do what it says. What have we got to lose but a few unwanted pounds and some old unsuccessful ways that have failed us in the past.

I'm catching up....I've read up to page 32.

I don't have a problem with goal-setting as a mind-set. Sometimes remembering what I wanted to achieve that day is a problem! Last year at the first of May, I joined in on a "Bootcamp" thread that was all about setting goals, making action plans to achieve the goals, and being accountable for getting there. I have stuck with that concept for a year and this has been the most consistent year I've EVER had with exercise. Its what has helped me whittle the fat off and get to my loss of 25 pounds over that year. I just haven't been all that consistent with keeping my foods within my daily point range.

I still have that process going but do it over a three month period. Ladies, feel free to join in at any time because whether its called "Bootcamp" or "Challenge", its all about the same thing - setting the goals, making daily or weekly plans of action, then reporting to yourself what you've accomplished.

What I find weird...odd...bizarre....puzzling...is that as soon as I set a goal of losing XX pounds by a certain date, guarantees that I will quit losing. I have been within 5 pounds of my 10% goal since the first of the year and had that as my goal by the end of January. I bounced up a couple of pounds when I broke my foot and I'm less than 2 pounds away still. Actually, more than that if you count the water retention weight I've got going due to humidity and PMS.

I need to ponder what behaviors I change when I set that type of goal. That's why I don't set goals of pounds off by certain dates. I'm just trying to get to 10% and then after that, my 30 pound star.

Maybe I need to restructure how I word the goals. Maybe I'm not really committed??????? That's a terrible thought.

Great insight going ladies!!

Smart alec, Terri!!!

But probably you are correct because my heart started to beat faster when I read your post! I will write that in my NEW binder

I don't remember if I read this in the book or on Dr Phil's site ( I am at work) but he said "are you ready to give 20 min a day to your weight loss?" Well, I have failed at that every time in the past. I NEVER designated 20 min to my weight loss - reading, reaffirming, journaling, talking with all of you, whatever. BUT I have seen the genius in that statement. At least he has helped me to stay focused, so far.

I am working on my answers to the questions he asked - of course, trying to get them "right" or "perfect". BUT as I write this I realize how stupid!!! Just write down what comes to me and I can always revise as I go!

I am already learning a lot!