Sorry for the melodramatic title, but that's just how I feel. Lately, I've been spinning out of control as far as my diet goes. I know part of this is because I'm premenstral, but that only explains the past week, not the past month of bad eating. The kicker is that about a month ago, I bought a scale when I noticed I was slipping. I hadn't been weighing myself regularly (just when I went to the doctor or the gym), so I figured getting a scale would help make me more accountable, get me on track. When I weighed myself, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had lost 4 lbs. since the last time I'd weighed myself. You'd think that would give me incentive, right? Wrong. All I've been doing since then is eating past my losing calories and oftentimes past my maintenance calories. It's not that I'm binging, although I think I came close to it on Sunday when I ate potato chips chocolate all day in lieu of good food.

It seems like I'll eat good one day & think I'm off to a fresh start & then all of the sudden I'll go off the next day. I've tried changing things around. I was eating 5 meals & that seemed to be making me more obsessed & focused on food, so I tried switching to 3 (some of you may remember that I started a thread about switching fr/ 5 meals to 3). That didn't work because I was too hungry between lunch & dinner. So, I switched to 4. That seemed to work sporadically.

Oh, ladies, I really thought that this was it. I've been eating well for more than 1 1/2 years. That's almost a record for me. I just CAN'T gain this weight back. I don't think my body can take stretching and shrinking again. I've been so bummed out and, frankly, embarrassed that I've even stopped posting here. I'm embarrassed because of all the motivational things I've posted in the past as advice to others. I thought I was entitled to give that advice because I really thought I had this beat. Now, although I'm not throwing in the towel, I feel like a failure.

The funny part is that I haven't given up exercise. In fact, that's the easy part. I think this is the only difference from the past times I've gone off the wagon; I usually give up on exercise too.

Any words of wisdom or experiences to share?

I'm torn between offering words of comfort and strategic advice. I think I'll go with strategy. I don't know what your living situation is, but can you get the trigger foods out of your environment, at least temporarily? Just toss the chips and chocolate in the disposer and grind them away? That would at least get you out of the immediate danger zone. Then-- is it possible to get someone else to do your food shopping, again just temporarily? The idea being to stop the food from getting into the house. If it were me I'd just hand over my wallet to my husband, and let him deal until I could figure out what was going wrong.

The next thing I would do if it were me: get to my doctor or a shrink. I'd talk to them and see whether some kind of med would help. Just talking to a professional might make me feel better. On the same lines, I'd get over to a TOPS meeting or something similar, just to have some more support.

Coming to this site is also a good idea, but we can't be there in the kitchen with you, unfortunately. I'd say if you are feeling out of control, it's time to get other people involved. Maybe not a full-scale intervention, but help. And get those trigger foods out from under your nose-- you don't need the temptation right now! Hang in there, Vmelo, and don't stop posting. Good luck.

<<hugs>> vmelo and a deeeep breath …… it’s all going to be OK. Believe me, I know that our worst nightmare is that we’re going to gain the weight back. But you’re not. You came here and asked for help and I know you can get back on track.

You titled your post: “This Just Can’t Be Happening ….” You’re right; it isn’t just going to happen to you. The only way you’re ever going to regain the weight is if you make a whole lot of really bad choices. Right now you’re probably feeling pretty powerless about food, but you CAN get back into control. This is the time to do it — right here, right now, before you do any real damage. Sometimes I say something to myself that may help you: “the only one who can ever make me fat again is ME and I’m not going to do it!”

I went back and looked at some of your posts in the Maintainers Forum. You’re really close to your goal weight and you’ve been doing this for a long, long time. I think it’s completely natural to go through lulls and periods of time when we just want to forget about diets and eat whatever we want. It’s kind of a combination of being angry about not being able to eat the way the rest of the world does and just being fed up with counting calories and planning meals etc. I know you’ve talked recently about feeling obsessed about food and it sure seems that we’re that way sometimes, with all our planning, weighing and measuring, tracking etc. Sometimes I feel like I’ve just traded one eating disorder for another!

You said:Hey, that’s one of the Big Truths of weight loss and maintenance — we’ve never beaten those food . All of our eating issues are still with us, in our smaller size bodies. Unfortunately, we’re never cured BUT we do learn how to manage them with the tools and skills and knowledge that we learn as we lose the weight. By this point in time, you’ve put together quite a toolbox of skills, right? This is your arsenal in your fight against regaining.

Even though you feel scared and hopeless right now, you’re not alone. A lot of us who have lost weight and struggle to keep it off have been right where you are now. If you can, try to look at this as a natural and normal part of maintenance and just focus on how to get back in control. One of the reasons that I know you don’t really want to gain the weight back is that you’re still exercising. I think that’s real proof that you’ve made a lifestyle change. With the food, some times are easy and some are so, so hard and that just seems to be the way it is for us.

OK, so what else is going on here? The first thing that jumped out at me when I read your post was the scale. It sounds like this bad time for you was triggered when you bought the scale and saw that you were down 4 pounds. Hurray! Maybe you subconsciously felt like you deserved to celebrate and the four pounds were kind of “wiggle room” for you — four extra pounds you could play with. Even though you said you were having some problems before you got the scale, it sounds like this is when your eating really started to slip and that’s a really slippery slope — once you start to slide downhill, it’s so hard to stop.

So my first suggestion is to weigh yourself today and then put the scale AWAY for at least a week. Hide it in the basement or lock it in the trunk of DH’s car. Forget what the scale says and concentrate on your actions. If you can, try to judge your success by meeting your behavioral goals, not by what the scale says (since in the end, all we can really control is what we do, not what the number is on the scale).

My second suggestion is to go back to the basics. I know you’ve been at this for a long time and it starts to almost become second nature. What if you go back to what worked for you in the very beginning of your weight loss? For me, it was planning my meals the day before on Fitday, making sure I had everything prepared in advance, posting my menu on the refrigerator door (I even had meal times, water and vitamins written in) and checking it all off as I did it. The idea here is to make eating right as mindless and fool-proof as possible.

My third suggestion is to focus on doing this day by day — just one day at a time. Can you stick to your diet plan for one lousy day? I bet you can. Then come back and post about it. Each day of success makes the next one a little easier and the next …. and the momentum starts to build again and you feel like you’re back in control.

Let me close by quoting from something you posted a while ago:
You’re absolutely right, vmelo. You’re going to be fine as long as you don’t quit. You know you’ve got all of us here to support you in any way that we can. Don’t ever hesitate to ask for help — there’s an awful lot of hands here that will grab you and pull you up.

Vmelo, I've been in your shoes so many times. For me, the exercise part is easy, I like being strong, workout out, doing fun exercise...but ah, the food demons lurk every day. And they are usually following on the heels of a minor scale victory, or goal pants victory.

I think this is so much a part of maintenance- a subconscious game of testing ourselves, intensity burnout, the "it's not fair" syndrome. Which is all true. It's not fair. We all know people who we think can get away with anything, why do we have to watch every morsel that passes our lips and spend hours a week in the gym? Who knows, but that's the hand we've been dealt. Going through periods of ups and downs, both figuratively and literally, are natural. No one is perfect every day.

I fight this all the time. For me, the answer is to set small, achievable goals. I've already reached the main one, so I know it's possible. 1 day clean eats, water and workout. Then another. Pretty soon you have a good string of good days under your belt. Not necessarily perfect, but good. It's habit again and you feel better physically, and mentally your confidence is back.

Stick with us! Report in, make yourself a little chart with a reward for X days on plan. A new book, a manicure, even 1 treat if you think that won't derail you. Whatever motivates you or makes you feel good

Mel

Wow. Meg and Mel - those are AWESOME responses. I don't know if I could add much to 'em - other than to say that YES after all these years, I struggle with the same thing. The cravings for foods that aren't good for me don't go away forever, although it DOES get easier with time. I know several people who have quit smoking and after YEARS of not having a cig, they've told me that when they get stressed out they still get the urge to light up once in awhile. I personally think that sugar and nicotine and alcohol are VERY addictive substances, not easily shaken and it takes diligence to be the master of that 'head hunger'.

I actually go through this daily right now - one of my co-workers who sits not 10 feet away from me keeps not one but TWO baskets of chocolate on her desk in plain view at all times. (Personally, I don't believe it's my responsibility to 'feed the office' so I've NEVER brought food in or God forbid, left it on my desk...) Anyway, I have to walk by this gal's desk at least 50 times a day and every time (especially when I'm tired or hungry) I have to tell myself that JUST BECAUSE THE CANDY IS THERE, I DON'T HAVE TO EAT IT!

And, like you, I find exercise is the easy part - it's the FOOD part that is a challenge.

If you haven't read it yet, I'd like to recommend that you read the book "Diary of A Fat Housewife" by Rosemary Green. (Try and find the paperback - which is more current than the hardcover - both are out of print but Half.com generally has lots of cheap used copies available). It's not a 'diet book' but I think you'll emphasize with Rosemary's battle - she went through much the same thing you're going through, I think.

Another thing you might want to do other than cleaning out your environment (very Dr. Phil - you might want to check out HIS book as well, if you haven't already; some great head stuff in there...) is keep a food journal for a week or so. Just write down EVERYthing that goes in your mouth. You can either use a little book or Fitday or whatever works for you. Also, I've recommended this so often - but keep a PERSONAL journal. For me, when I feel a BIG CRAVING coming on, writing down what I'm feeling REALLY helps.

Take care of yourself!

Vmelo - First of all you are inspirational to have been on track for such a long time and having a hard time now does NOT invalidate the wonderful things you have posted in the past. I won't lie and say I understand what you are going through simply because I haven't lost as much as your or maintained as long as you. My personal best for staying on plan is only about 3 months before I get derailed and start eating like an idiot. I did that last year and was ashamed to post, ashamed to go to the gym, etc. For me, the only support network I for this healthy lifestyle change is the people here at 3FC. Once I stopped posting, I had NO support and an even lesser chance of getting back on track.

I am there again, off track, but I am still posting, still reading, still trying to find my way back and I believe that I will. I believe you will too. This may sound crazy but for me, reading that someone who has maintained for so long is having a struggle like mines helps me to realize that I am NOT crazy but simply human. Thanks for motivating me and lets both get it back in gear, okay?

Peace. Tiki.

I am also right there with you! I used to give advise, recipes, etc. on this site and now I feel like such a hypocrite. I made Lifetime at WW and had this,"I made it, now I'm finished"-thing in my head! How wrong and embarrassed I am now! I fit into a size 8 and today I sit in a size 14-yes, I have put on 25# in three months! I wake up depressed and know that I am the only one who can control this-but I don't want to do this again-I can't get into the mind set that I once had! Let's do this together and I would love some PM's for encouragment from you great people!

vmelo - First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for being on your plan for that long! You ARE an inspiration. Don't ever feel like a hypocrit for posting motivational messages to the rest of us. I know they've helped ME personally. No one expects you to be human and TRUST ME, we all know how friggin hard this journey is.

I had a gain recently and it was like a downward spiral. I guess I just figured that I had failed and I might as well eat what I want and be lazy, fat, and happy. Then I realized that "lazy, fat, and happy" doesn't exist for me. I'm not going to be happy with myself unless I feel like my body is lean, strong, and healthy. I changed things up a bit instead of trying to just go back to my original plan. Another thing that helped was I caught a VH1 special about celebrity diets and those people really SUFFER for their careers! They said that Charlize Theron only ate 2 small meals a day to lose the weight from "Monster" and that often celebrities will go on starvation diets for the weeks before big awards shows. It helped me to realize that the most gorgeous people on the planet are human, too, and that no matter how much they try to convince us that their beauty is effortless, they have to put in just as much work as the rest of us!

Great posts, guys! It always helps to know that we’re not alone in battling the food .

It seems like part of the problem for a lot of us is that we have such high expectations for ourselves. So if we slip, even a bit, then we think we’ve failed and chuck it all out the window. The old “I’m such a failure for eating this cookie; might as well finish the bag” kind of thing.

I’m just about two years out from hitting my goal and every day the lesson gets hammered into me: this is for the rest of my life. Reaching my goal wasn’t the end of my weight loss journey — it was merely the closing of Phase One (losing) and the beginning of the much longer Phase Two (keeping it off for the rest of my life). A day now as a “maintainer” doesn’t look any different to me than a day did as a “loser”. It’s all still part of the same journey.

So if this is for the rest of our lives, we can’t expect to be “perfect” every day. We’re human — we’re going to eat too much of the wrong things at times. Motivation will come and go for no good reason. Some days will be easy and some days will be a struggle from morning until night. I don’t know why these things happen but I do know it’s a natural and normal part of the process.

If you’ve been going through a rough patch and had trouble with your eating, well, it’s all part of the process too. The worst thing you can do when that happens is to withdraw because you feel like you’re a failure. This is when we all need to be here as much as possible. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help and you’re NOT a hypocrite to admit that you’ve messed up and are struggling.

That’s the whole point of 3FC — when you’re down, there’s a circle of people who know exactly what you're going through and who will help you get back on your feet. One day it might be Tiki who needs help, one day it might be Mel, and one day it will certainly be me. I know I’m kidding myself if I think I can keep this weight off for the rest of my life without the help of all of you.

Keep posting!

You guys, thank you SO much. I feel much better today after reading your posts. I’ve gotten both practical and inspirational advice here that I will definitely use.

One of the problems is that it’s difficult to actually get that bad food out of my environment. My husband is “naturally” thin & doesn’t quite understand why it’s so difficult for people to maintain a healthy weight. His philosophy is “just eat less” (that’s a direct quotation). Duh? Of course that’s the solution, but if it were that simple then I wouldn’t have a weight problem!! Don’t think too badly about him, though, because it actually wouldn’t bother him if I were 30 pounds heaver as long as I was happy w/ myself. Since I am not happy w/ myself when I’m 30 lbs. heavier, he tolerates my “obsession.” If I ever demanded that we get rid of all the goodies in the house, he’d look at me as if I had two heads & question why I can’t control myself.

However, where there’s a will . . . some of the goodies he loves, I could pass on. In the past, I would buy those goodies for him, knowing that they wouldn’t tempt me. In the past couple of months, I’ve stopped doing that and started buying goodies that I know both he and I like. I kept saying to myself that I could just eat these things “moderately.” I think, subconsciously, I was testing the waters, so to speak, trying to figure out what I could “get away with” in terms of my eating. I now realize that I’m just not ready to have those things in the house. I cannot have a pint of Haagen Daz in the house & dole out half-cup servings to myself; sooner or later I’ll end up w/ the pint in one hand and a tablespoon in the other—and that pint won’t be going back in the freezer.

MrsJim, the funny thing is that I’ve actually been considering getting Dr. Phil’s book. When it first came out, I thought “there’s nothing new here.” However, sometimes good advice, even if I’ve read it a million times before, needs to be reinforced. Besides that, sometimes I just find it motivational to read that kind of thing, so thanks for the recommendation. In that same vein, though, I DO need to make those small behavioral changes, starting w/ NOT buying snacks that I know will tempt me. The first test of this was today. I went to a small, organic food store I like to shop in. I’m a variety nut, so for the past couple of months, if I see that they have some new natural food item in the store that I can’t find anywhere else, I’ll buy it. This time, I passed up the snack aisle & the ice cream freezer. I know that at this point, I won’t be able to moderate my portions, so I’m not having it in my house.

SeekInnerChick, Meg, Meliris, MrsJim, Tiki, Emilyatau, (& Jack, who PM’d me), THANK YOU. I needed your words of wisdom.

This thread has raised some many excellent points and thoughts that I started a new thread in the Maintainers Forum to continue this topic for anyone who's interested. Please join us at http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/show...541#post576541 for support and encouragement.

Meg, Your stats are amazing...You made me realize that even though I have been on a downward spiral I can stop this now. I was a size 20 and I was recently a size 8, I am today a size 14. I have come too far to turn back today...thanks for all the advice and encouragment!

Question? Hey! I gotta question!!!
(Quinn bounces up and down at her desk, waving her hand)

Why do we call these things "goodies" when we know they aren't really good in any way? I'm assuming you are talking about stuff like potato chips and store-bought cookies and candy and cake and fries and crap like that. Sorry, but I've never understood that, even though I've eaten more that my share of junky "food." (urp!)

Junk food doesn't really taste good, does it? It doesn't satisfy at all. It sure doesn't nourish us in any way. Most of it doesn't look all that great, either. So why, oh why, do we all persist in calling that crap "goodies"?

Summer is coming and the farmer's markets are going to be full to bursting with fresh, really and truely *fresh*, fruits and veggies. (Well, around my part of the country they will be.) Fresh fruits and veggies beat junk food in any category (taste, touch, smell) any time.


So?

quinn
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Sorry, Quinn, but I actually think junk food does taste good . I have to be honest. That's not to say that I think it's good for us; it isn't. Also, I LOVE fruits & veggies. However, I must be honest & say that if I also like to eat the other stuff that packs on the pounds. If I didn't, I wouldn't have a weight problem.

Do you think it would help if we started calling them "baddies"?--LOL --Whatever works, right?

;D

Maybe we should!

BTW, every time i see this icon, , I think of devil's food cake!



quinn
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