Hi everybody! I'm new at this, but REALLY need some support so I'm giving this a try. I've lost 90lbs! My family treats me like a leper. I'm 5ft8 and still weigh 145lbs. I'm trying to stay at this weight but am finding it harder to maintain than it is to loose. I've cut back on my exercising but just can't eat like I used to. I lost the weight on sugar busters. Anybody in the same boat? Suggestions?

Hi 90lbsdown!

First, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE 90 LB LOSS! wow that's awesome!

I'm sorry that your family is treating you "like a leper". I'm sure that must really hurt, and I don't mean to minimize your pain at all girlie, really I don't, but if I had lost 90 lbs and felt good about it and felt good about my appearance, then I wouldn't let a thing anybody said or did get to me about it!!!!! I would be proud of myself and I would keep on keeping on and would encourage them in the same efforts whenever they brought it up, and I would surround myself with people who are supportive and not toxic, but hey - that is just me!!!!!

I hope that you will not let them sabatoge your efforts!

take care,
Cathy

Firstly on your loss! 90lbs is lost is amazing!

Secondly a big hug to you for the way your family is treating you. Sometimes people get jealous because you have accomplished something you set out to do even whether they are overweight or not. Also they may have previously percieved you in a certain way and now are not sure how to deal with the new you. Losing weight and getting in shape usually gives people more confidence and makes them more out going so it does change your personality a bit. Maybe with some time they will get used to it.

You are not the only person that goes through that type of thng either, some people have lost friendships and sometimes boyfriends and spouses because they could not deal with that person's lifestyle changes.

Stay with your plan, keep exercising and don't look back. I am also 5'8 and my goal is to weigh 150lbs. At out height you can stay between 150 and 145 and still have a good BMI

Check out the Sugar Busters forum on this site - they may be able to give you some good advice on maintaining on the SB program and there is also a maintainers forum here that might be helpful to you as well

I do know what you mean. I started a thread called "lost 39 pounds, and my friends hate me." It's jealousy and envy. What's happened is you and I have shaken up the social pecking order, and the birds at the top don't like it. They may very well start a lot of pressure on you to "change back" so the social pecking order can go back to the way it was, with them on top and you underneath! It's a power thing, see? It's not about love. It's not even about "belonging," ultimately. It's just a brute-force power play.

So don't let them stop you. I am beginning to find, since I started that thread, that the pecking order is changing to accomodate me in a new role. I'm getting attention from the big hens, who never had the time of day for me before. The longer I stick with it, and let them know I WILL NOT change back to being fat, the more they are forced to deal with me as I am now. So my advice is stick to your guns: people respect strength and courage eventually. But if you regain the weight they won't necessarily "love you" better-- they might secretly despise you for being weak, and treat you with more contempt and dislike than they do now.

It's not nice, and it's not the way things should be, that's for sure, but sometimes people are like that-- just dysfunctional. Stick to it and they could come around in the long run. If they don't, then quite frankly they may be just chronically dysfunctional, and sometimes you can't do anything with people like that. Take my mother, for instance. No, let's not go there-- lol!

Courage, chin up, stay the course, and many, many congratulations!

Hi there and CONGRATS on your weight loss !!

You do deserve a group hug

The suggestion I have is to check out the "Maintainers Forum" on this site. Meg is the Moderator and has lost 135#! They will help to motivate you to stay on you new lifestyle, I can almost guarantee that... Maintaining is as, if not more, difficult than loosing it was...

So go check it out I know you will love it...

P.S: This is the best support forum on the net IMHO!!

who knows why your family isn't giving you the support you need, but really, be proud of what you have done. you know, people deal with change in all kinds of ways, and maybe they think you have lost too much weight too fast and are worried about your health, or maybe you look so good they are jeaous and laugh if you want to, people don't always want to see someone do great because it reminds them of their own failures. but its your life, and you need to look out for #1. And you got us right?

Misery loves company and since your not miserable any more you don't need their company.

For some reason people love it when you fail, look at all the new broadcasts, negative, negative, negative.... look at the reality shows, folks thrive on when people are down and don't make the cut.

Hold your head up high and hang with some folks who make you feel good. Don't get sucked into that bull.

You deserve to be happy and congratulations for all your hard earned efforts...

Let me add that you will never get your families approval until you don't need it.
When they see that you are strong and happy and what they like or dislike doesn't matter, their attitude will be different.

Hey shunned!

Congrats!

I hope you find the support you need right here at this fourm.....there are great bunch of people here!

Sorry to hear you are not feeling supported by your family....that makes it difficult....sometimes when I have changed I notice that my relationships change....some for the better and some for the worse...can and some can evolve and grow and move ahead others can't.

Looking forward to getting to know you better. Keep us posted!

Liz

Wanted to add something here...

I got my issue of SHAPE magazine yesterday...There was a great article on something similar to this situation. I wanted to post a tidbit for you...
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"It seems like your friend is undermining your weight-loss efforts. What Gives?"

The Challenge: To maintain a long-term friendship and your new, healthy habits.

The Solutions:

Resist the temptation to change back.
Cultivate a non-caloric common ground.
Decide whether to talk about it or let it go.
If all else fails, take a break.

DON'T hurt yourself in an effort to make your friend feel better!!

The Payoff: The relationship could end up having a greater amount of openness and honesty.But even if your friendship doesn't survive your weight loss, at least you'll have learned who your true friends are without sacrificing your own well-being.

Three Tips For Confronting A Weight Loss Saboteur

1. Call, Don't Write--Talk to your friend in person, or over the phone. E-Mail lends itself to miscommunication, which could exacerbate the situation.

2. Do a Dry Run--In front of an uninvolved 3rd party whose judgement you trust, rehearse what you plan to say. Keep in mind that this conversation isn't a license to gossip about your friend-it's about talking openly and honestly to gain perspective so that you can sustain the friendship.

3. Focus on the Positive--Remember why YOU chose this person as a friend. That will help you approach the problem from a less agressive, more productive standpoint.
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