Hello Cyber-babes,

I have been ruminating lately about something that sweet Sooner said a very long time ago. She, of course, was absolutely spot-on and gave me food for thought all these months later. She posted about being invisible when we're overweight. If I recall correctly, I believe her post was about hiding behind the weight and feeling invisible because of it. I've been struggling lately with feeling invisible. Nobody ever comments, or seems to notice anything about me physically. I can get a new haircut, outfit, look terrible, anything - but no one ever says anything. Even my husband and family don't seem to notice much. Is it because all people see is the fat? Have I just become a blob or am I truly made of cellophane? Why have I allowed this to happen?

It works both ways - people don't comment on anything, but I also feel safe because I'm invisible. It's an interesting phenomenon.

My question is, do any of you feel invisible, or did you feel invisible before you lost weight? As you've lost large amounts of weight has that feeling lessened? When the compliments and comments start rolling in, are you uncomfortable because you've lost your invisibility cloak of fat?

Just curious. I would like to hear people's thoughts, because it seems like this could be a pretty darn big deal for me and maybe others too.

Later,
Chickadee

Oh Chickadee.........I used to call myself the "300 pound invisible woman."

I so feel your pain. At 360, put on make-up, shave the legs, try to dress nice, why bother.......it didn't matter. Well, it does now.

I don't think you have allowed this to happen, it just sort-of sneaks up on us. I know that before wls, I did feel safe in a strange kind of way. I knew that I would not be "noticed." Now, your saying who am I trying to kid, a 360 pound woman walking into a room, how can she not be noticed? The eyes would quickly see me and even more quickly look away.

To answer your question, yes the feeling of being invisibe has lessened. And yes, I have a very hard time accepting the compliments. I never know how to react.......after all......I'm still a good sized woman. See

But Miss Chickadee......losing the cloak of fat, even if I'm not invisible anymore, was/is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I bet it will be for you also.

Chickadee,

I have often felt invisible. I kind of like it though. Things are definetly changing though. I'll write more tomorrow. I am tired.

peach

Thanks Deb. Your reply was really helpful - I'm not nuts! (No comments from the peanut gallery!) I'm at the "why bother" stage a lot of days and I hate it. Remember Esmerelda on Bewitched? The way she came in and out of focus? That's kind of the way I feel when I go out. I'm so looking forward to having the fabulous tool that the LapBand will be. I'm glad to know that the "cloak" lifting has been so positive for you. I can't wait to find out for myself!

Peach - post! I want to hear about your invisibility too.

Later,
Chickadee

Wow, invisibility — what a great topic! When I was heavy, I WANTED to be invisible. I wouldn’t look in a mirror and I certainly didn't want anyone to see me (since I couldn’t even stand to “see” myself). My fat was the burden that weighed me down and colored every aspect of my life. It always was in the forefront of my mind — was I the fattest person in the room? was someone’s first reaction upon meeting me — “fat”? could I fit in that chair? Etc.

Now that I’ve lost the weight, I’m still the same person inside as when I weighed 122 pounds more. But I’m willing to be a little more outspoken, occasionally loud, sometimes outrageous, but always free to express myself without embarrassment about my appearance. Now I feel like my outside reflects my inside — not glamorous or beautiful by any means — just Meg.

About compliments — they bother me. I don’t like to be congratulated for losing the weight. I’m not proud of being heavy for so many years. And I still can’t get my head wrapped around being called “tiny” — like who are they talking about? It’s all head stuff ….

Chickadee, one day the three of us (peachie, you and myself) will have to attend a baseball game together........we will be the fine ladies getting the looks, not cause we are big, but because we look GOOD!!!

We can "make" peachie go to a Brave's vs Rockie's game........we don't wanna go see those stinkin' Yankees, do we!!

Hmmm, Meg, I thought I was the only one who reacted negatively to having my wt. loss noticed, observed, commented upon. NOT that I remember what that was like I always feel like if they notice the loss, they also (obviously) noticed the gain. Of course, I know that it would be impossible to miss a 40,60,80# gain, but commenting upon the loss implies that they were also commenting on the gain, albeit not to me. I am often surprised when others enjoy the attention brought about by wt. loss, but then again, my reactions to some things are often unusual.

Great post Meg.
I have noticed that I express myself less now, because I don't want to be conspicuous. You know, I just admitted right there in that statement that I, in some ways, make myself invisible on purpose. Hmmm...more to think about.

Deb - you're on! That would make Ms. Juicy Peach nuts, wouldn't it? A sea of National League fans and one lone Yankees fan.
(But, she'd be a fine lookin', tiny Yankees fan.)

Ms. Chickadee

geeze louise (I wish my name were louise!) if I have to go to a National League Game couldn't it be the one where The Traitor (formerly known as the Rocket) pitches at Shea? Like the powers that be will let THAT happen

ok, I'll go...you guys will feed me snacks and stuff, right? I love snacks. I don't have to wear any funny hats or anything, right?

As to tiny...never gonna happen. I mean, I've lost 75 plus pounds and still wear the same bra size. What's up with that. Not that THEY're up on anything!


Hey! I've never read Lonesome Dove!!!! (I'm not on the right thread...am I? :0

The invisibility cloak....I certainly can't add anymore wisdom than has been posted already. I just know that I LIKE being invisible. I don't like high drama. My idea of fun high drama is the board. Anything more than that is over the top for me.

I will say this, though: I liked to use my bulk to protect my little guy in crowded spaces. While he was twitching and ticking I could act as a barrier to keep others away from him. As I get less fluffy I am going to have to use other tactics like stepping on their toes or poking them in the eye.

Sales people are nicer to me now.

BUT! I would just assume hide under a rock. I know this is a huge issue for me. I'm sure I've told you all this before. I live in a small town. Other than going away to college I have lived here for 45 years. There are people that only know me thin. There are people that only know me fluffy. I also know that I have a huge chip on my shoulder about those that didn't give me the time of day when I am fluffy and then think I am the best thing since sliced steak when I am not so fluffy. I think it is my problem. I am not a nice happy person when I am fluffy. I am much nicer and much more pleasant when I feel good about myself and I am not quite so FLUFFY.

But this rapid weight loss thing is a strange thing. Last week I went to a freshman girls' basketball game. I took my coat off and some guy said to me, "hey! where'd ya go?" I told him I went into the other gym and found the varsity team and came in here.

love,
louise

WOW what a deep subject I've wandered into. I know I'm not the same person fluffy as I am when I wasn't fluffy :
Then I have the penis envy thing (Jiff can I say that or will I get thrown off?)
There was an article in a magazine I read the other night that I was going to check on the web and see if it was there so I could post it for all of you to see. It was about a woman who was and had been struggling with her weight for a long time, and her DH decided to go on a diet, and he lost all of this tons of weight and everyone was whoowhooing over him and all and the poor wifey kept feeling more and more of a failure as he became thinner and thinner. That article really hit home.

But back to the original question about invisibality, yes I feel that way, and yes I enjoy it. I don't have to be witty, or intelligent, or anything, I can just stand there and fade into the woodwork

[But back to the original question about invisibality, yes I feel that way, and yes I enjoy it. I don't have to be witty, or intelligent, or anything, I can just stand there and fade into the woodwork.[/font][/size][/color][/QUOTE]



BINGO! BARB!!!! this is the way I often feel. But is this really a good thing? I mean, are we lazy? afraid of putting ourselves out there? afraid of being judged? not liked?

what's the deal?

peach

Hey Louise, can I be your Thelma?

when we even hide this important topic under the weekly?????

so, for all of us invisible women, at least the DISCUSSION is now out in the open.

and here's my two cents.. yes, i've generally felt invisible, and it's taking some getting used to that i don't seem to be invisible any more. for heaven';s sake, people are even talking AND SMILING at me in elevators!!!!

but perhaps even more important [to me] and stranger [to everyone else] is that when i was heavy, i always felt HERE. present. on this planet. i felt solid. i NEVER felt that when i was at my WW goal or even slightly heavier.

and that's why it's been so important to me that i become strong by weight lifiting. i feel the same way i did when i was heavy: rooted, and present. but i can sure move a whole lot faster!!!

i knew from the beginnig that i wouoldn't be able to tolerate being thin without being strong as well. believe me, it hasn't been easy. but ya'll knew that.

Jif -- I'm really intrigued by what you said about weightlifting. It's something I never did in my life until I started losing weight 2.5 years ago and I was immediately hooked. It's so empowering to me (though it's a dreadful cliché). Love the feeling of being strong and having muscles. And trying to beat myself every time I walk in the gym.

What's really cool for us fat chicks is that we're usually strong chicks before we even start lifting weights! All the extra pounds that we've carried around for all those years make for weight-bearing exercise for sure! What that meant for me was that I had a strong back and legs before I even started working out. So when I finally braved the gym, it was really encouraging to be strong already -- to actually be GOOD at something in the gym, for a change (flashback to childhood gym class traumas).

Meg, your so right, overweight people are strong, we just don't know it. The first time I had a doctor tell me that I had more muscle under there than I knew. I thought he was crazy, he went on to explain......hauling around my weight "had" to build muscle.

This is such a great thread......thanks for moving it Jiff. I think we can all learn from the valuable information we all bring to this discussion.

Off for more coffee