I made another post specifically about how I think my boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight. That is part of our problems.
How I look then and now is important. Now I looked when I met him back in April of 2018. I was 28 years old, 303 lb, has moderate acne on my forehead cheeks chin and jaw, I had long blonde hair, I had a shaved body.
Now I am 29, I weigh 429 lb, I have severe acne covering my whole face, I have a shaved head, and I have an unshaved body. Dramatic change in look right ? Well, after I moved in with him in June of 2018 he told me things. Including how sexy he finds fat women. How sexy he finds acne on women. How sexy he finds a natural woman. How sexy short hair is. How sexy he finds sweaty women. How sexy he finds smelly women. And more. I hated bing fat. I hated having acne. I liked having long hair. I hate having body hair. I hate being sweaty. I hate being unclean and smelly.
He tells me I'm beautiful at least once a day. On average, he compliments my looks at least 5 times per day. I made myself look more like his type.
Today, I woke up smelling myself. Haven't showered in 2 days. When I looked in the mirror today, it hit me. No offense to anyone who has this look, I hate looking like this. I hate that I am more unhealthy and unfit now than before I met him. I feel like a fool for trying so hard to impress him.
But I am not sure if I should break up with him. Okay, he actively tried and successed to sabotage my efforts to lose weight. But it was still a decision I made when I fail to change my lifestyle. Everything else I did with little pressure from him. And maybe I can be healthy and look closer to how I want to look without having to break the with him. I don't know.


