I went to see a psychiatrist today... I have been having severe difficulties focusing on school and life in general... also I've been dealing with the loss of a number of people very close to me these past 5 years, one being my mom, and I just wanted to talk to a professional. Anyway.. upon getting there and him getting some background info, I told him my concerns and how I've been dealing with the loss of my mother, and he asks me "Is there physically anything you would want to change about yourself?" and at that point I knew what he was getting at... but it kind of took me off guard. He hadn't asked me if maybe I'd been dieting or anything, (WHICH I HAVE, so this was completely discouraging) and I reply... "No nothing I can think of". He then says to me, "like if one thing popped into your head about you physically now that you could change, what would it be?"...... "Maybe you should try to lose weight". My response? -"I'm happy with myself and where I am at right now (at this point I was about to break down in tears and I had to fight it back). Then he responded with "Well losing weight would make you have higher self esteem, and might help these issues you're having with anxiety" (I never said I had anxiety, I actually told him the opposite).

I left there feeling more hurt then when I went in. This is my first time going to a psychiatrist and I wonder, are they supposed to say things like that? It seemed borderline crass the way he said it. I understand if it was put a different way, but I specifically told him I was fine with myself!

Ugh... I don't know what to think, I'm probably just being oversensitive

I'm so sorry about your loss and the challenging time you are having. Losing someone close to us can be so distracting because it causes us to reevaluate everything that we consider important. The situation as you described it, it does not sound to me like you are being sensitive, it sounds like he is being an idiot. I would seek another therapist if you are able, possibly a female?

Yeah, I agree with pp.

What an *******! No, they are not supposed to say things like that - and you don't have to stand for it. I wouldn't give up on therapy because of one awful piece of ****. You're there to explore your feelings and get support; if you don't offer up your weight as something you want to explore and get support on, then he has no right to either.

I am so sorry you tried to open up only to be hurt by that "professional." What an awful experience.

Agreed Lecomtes - women are a little better with tact when it comes to these things. Weight is an unnecessary thing to bring up in this regard. So what? You're dealing with loss and some stress, that shouldn't have anything to do with your weight. Find a woman psychiatrist and express to her the things he said to you also, maybe she can have a different perspective as to why he would say that? While I am happy with who I am and I feel much better after losing some weight now that I have made strides to have a healthy lifestyle, I wouldn't appreciate someone blaming any apparently unrelated issues on my weight. Rude.

Wow . . . I am so sorry for what you are going through and I am really sorry that you ever met that jerk. I have to say that your session with that so-called therapist actually really pisses me off because of my own experiences.

You should have been comforted and supported and allowed to address whatever issue you wanted to talk about. I think that his talking about weight right off the bat when you are dealing with so much was a cheap and superficial way to start communicating with you. I am not in the mental health field so maybe someone else can shed some light on this technique.

I went to one "professional" from an Ivy League school for grief counseling who used to fall asleep during my sessions. I dumped her immediately.. Another "therapist" at Stanford University that I went to see during the worst time in my life, kept taking personal calls during my session so that he could set up a golf game with a friend. I walked out of the session after the second call and refused to pay him.

My point is that a therapist has to be carefully selected. Try to get a referral from someone you know, if possible.

Keep looking until you find the right person. You deserve the best support to help you through this.

I am sending you big hugs.

LetItBe, I'm so sorry for the difficulties you've been having and for the loss of your mother and other loved ones. And I'm sorry this was your first experience with a psychiatrist and that he made you feel even worse. Unfortunately, as in all walks of life, there are doctors who are great at their jobs, some who are mediocre, and some who are incompetent, and he falls in the last group. He was insensitive and uncaring and focused on something that you don't have trouble with but apparently he does. That session revealed a lot about his prejudices and you definitely need to find a different psychiatrist.

Oh my gosh, what an awful session! Please don't judge mental health professionals by one jerk, LetItBe. It can take a while to find someone who is a good fit for you (and...uh, competent?).

I have a family member who went through a handful of people before settling on a good psychiatrist/psychologist combo and it was a frustrating process, but she was really happy once she found people who worked well with her. Your story made me think of the psychiatrist my family member saw (said relative was a 16 y/o minor at the time) who preached religion to her during the first session and told her that she wouldn't be depressed if she went to church and received an exorcism. Needless to say, that was the first and last session with that particular psychiatrist.

Don't give up the search!

Thank you all so much for your kind words, it really made me feel so much better, and thanks for the great advice also! I am definitely going to look into switching to another doctor and leaning toward a female that might have more of a gentle approach!

BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL!

Drop him like he's hot. Totally unprofessional behavior. I'd suggest a female as well. You got a clunker. I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

Oh, I might review this bozo on medical review sites.

LetItBe, I'm very sorry for you loss. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you.

I wanted to offer a slightly different view on the psychiatrist's behavior but firstly I'll qualify it by saying that here in the UK, people go and see therapists, psychologists and councillors for 'talking therapies' and psychiatrists for medical therapies; psychiatrists are medical doctors, who specialize in illnesses of the mind.

When I go and see any medical professional, I expect them to mention anything they notice that would negatively impact on the length or quality of my life, I'd see that as being part of their job, a major part of their job. For example I went to a pharmacist yesterday to pick up cold medicine and she told me, in no uncertain terms, that I wouldn't need the medicine if I gave up smoking, that smoking was very bad for me and would eventually kill me. While I'm an adult, free to make my own choices about smoking, it is her job to ensure that they are informed choices.

I have no idea what weight you are or how tall you are and I'm not asking for that information. Most of us on 3FC either have or have had a weight problem but even if you are of a totally normal weight and are here because your size 2 jeans are feeling a little tight, the prevalence of eating disorders is so high among young women who have experienced trauma, its not unreasonable for a psychiatrist to enquire about your body image and eating habits.

Finally, this psychiatrist might not be the doctor for you, we all meet people we don't gel with. If you decide to keep seeing him or if you find a new doctor, it's important that your honest and open with the doctor about everything. Don't pretend that you're happy with your body if you're not, don't pretend that you're not trying to lose weight if you are. Most medics aren't trying to judge you, they are just trying to find the root of your problem, so they can treat it.

Weight loss is not the solution to everything. Why do people always suggest this? I'm having the opposite problem actually where the smaller I get the more insecure I am so what in the f*** is he on about?

Yes this.

It does not sound professional at all to me -- especially when he kept at it after you told him you were happy with your body. If it were me, I would have called him out on his insensitivity (most likely while crying). I suggest you either move on to another therapist or broach the subject with him next time you see him and base your next step on his response.

F.