I have started back to healthy eating and weight loss after several failed attempts. I'm finally having success and finally feeling motivated to stay with it this time. Now that my problem is no longer my self, however, I seem to be surrounded by people who would sabotage my diet.

Please don't get me wrong- these friends I am referring to are very sweet are not attempting to deliberately sabotage my efforts. What they do, though, is to constantly offer foods I cannot eat (I'm trying to eat only healthful foods right now with only occasional indulgences). We are friends with a lot of other couples, and go out or grill once or twice a week with different ones of them. Here are the issues:

Couple A will want to go out to eat, but is very connected to the food scene in our city and is always excited to take us somewhere new. Needless to say, there is never anything on the menu even remotely healthful. If there is a salad or a light sandwich, they'll make a huge deal out of why you're not trying the foods the restaurant is known for and instead getting ones you could get anywhere. This couple needs to lose weight, but that is not a goal for them and so they don't think anyone should care about fatty foods.

Couple B: We usually grill with them, and you'd think this would be more healthful. When they choose the meat, they always choose fatty things like brats. When we choose the meat (and I can go with chicken or something), they'll bring a dessert, wine, and side dishes, and when you politely decline, they are offended (not mad, but seemingly hurt). They are rail-thin, have never had a weight problem in their lives, and cannot understand why you are not eating everything.

Couple C: When we have them to our house, I can control what I eat. However, when we are at their house, there will inevitably be nothing healthful to eat.

It might look like I'm being really picky and you might wonder why I can't just eat small portions of food that might not be the most healthful. Indeed, this is what many of our friends say when I have to turn something down. The problem, though, is while they might just see me once or twice a month, and so therefore indulging with them is infrequent, when all your friends are telling you this and it adds up to a couple of times a week, "just this once" means you are straying from your goals much of the time. I also understand that I can eat "unhealthful" foods and still stay within my WW points, but I got really unhealthy for a while and am trying to correct some problems my body was having (ulcers, fatty liver, etc). I really need to stay away from bad foods until I'm stronger.

Does anyone else face the same situations? How do you stay your course (at least most of the time)without hurting people's feelings? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Completely understand where you're coming from. I cannot have chocolate as I'm mildly allergic to them, but I'm constantly being offered chocolate at work by my coworkers. I'm always having to remind them that I cannot eat it. Yep, and then an awkward pause always follows. Even when we have a "food day" at the office, everybody is bringing in something really fattening and chocolately. It's enough to drive you to the brink.

I hate to say it, but folks in general are just not that supportive when it doesn't directly concern them. So you really have to focus on yourself and actually be a little selfish about it. That's the only way you're going to be able to do this journey around your friends.

It does sound like though, that you're letting your friends dictate where you're going for the night. Why not change it up and go to a place that's insanely healthy? Also, instead of going out to eat, why not change it to where you're doing activities with each other? Like hiking, walking the dogs, going to a museum, etc. That way you're getting your exercise in without having to worry about offending anybody.

At the end of the day, just try to focus on what you know you need to do, and stay firm. If they don't like it, they don't have to keep inviting you out to dinner....

I never tell anybody when I am a diet, I just let them think I am a picky. I say things, "I just feel like a salad today' or "I'm just not hungry" or "I had a late lunch", " Brats make me break out" any excuse will do.

It sounds like you have a great social circle, and you're very lucky. My first question would be if they know you're trying to lose weight. If not, be honest with them. Then you can tell them that you have a friend (that would be moi!) who spent a lifetime eating whatever she wanted and now is to a stage where she's having heart issues, is on a lot of medications, has arthritis in her knees and hips, and even though she's trying to turn things around, a lot of the damage has been done and is not reversible. You're trying to avoid that. And you hope that because they are such dear friends they will understand and help you.

I also like the suggestion to try doing other things with these friends that aren't so centered around eating. Even if they don't want to do physical type things there are movies and concerts and plays and museums and and and.

Finally, I had a girl friend once (different city) who had enough confidence in herself that she didn't seem to really care if I thought she was losing out by not trying some obscenely decadent dessert or an extra glass of wine or the sauce covered dinner special. She was always polite about it, but just would order whatever she wanted to eat and if I didn't like it that was my problem. I thought she was losing out then. Now I realize she was the one of us who had her act together.

Good luck with this.

I've been working on getting to place in my thinking and that is that the only one who can truly sabotage my diet is me... I've have a plan that I'm happy with and a way of eating that I can live with and I do my best to make it fit into my life when I'm socializing with friends and family... But yes, there are a lot of times when there are foods that just don't fit into it... I just do my best to be polite and say "No Thank You"... and yes I know how some people will just not let it drop and keep insisting that you try whatever it is... but I'm just not going to let people "guilt" me into eating something that I don't want to anymore... and as far as hurt feelings go... I think for most part that people's feelings aren't "truly" hurt in these situations really... so I wouldn't worry about that all that much... and after a while I've found that most people actually start to become more accommodating to how you're eating and it works out for the best...

If there is one thing the 20+ plus weight loss plan subforums has taught me here, is that everyone has their own idea of what "diet sabatoge" is, so it is unrealistic for us to expect others to understand what "OUR" idea of sabatoge is. To some, a 90 calorie piece of whole wheat toast may be sabatoge (low carb), or to others, a diet pop (chemicals).

The only advice I really have is, if you can't say no to it out of fear of offending them, you can tell them the truth- you have some medical issues that require a diet change. And then after that, "it's personal".

Thanks for all the good advice! It's great to have a social circle, but yet I do need to put myself first on my diet. If I'm going to lose the weight, I need to be able to politely keep refusing the pushers. I'm also going to have to be to plan for "emergencies." For instance, we were going to grill tonight with friends. Grilled chicken - yay! No one would care if I turned down fatty sides and the dessert. Now, though, it's raining and they've invited us to their place, where they're serving weiner schnitzel (deep-fat fried in oil and butter), potato salad, chocolate lava cake, and "we bought champagne just for you!!" Argh. Have to figure this one out, ha ha. ;D

Thanks for all of your support and good ideas!

Because the above happens a lot, I may have to stretch the truth a little a tell people that my doctor has put me on a very strict diet. My doc definitely told me to eat healthfully, so it's not really untrue.

Tell them you are on medications and it severely restricts what you can eat.

This works especially well for alcohol

I would simply call the police.

Honestly, you just need to deal with it and eat smaller portions of the bad food or pick the healthy food at the restaurants.

I really became more successful on weight loss when I stopped expecting people to cater to me and just worked around the other people. You really need to learn this early in your weight loss process and not after you have lost all your weight. The reason most people gain all the weight back is because they did not develop tools on how to deal with these things. Because I promise you, once you reach your goal weight people will want to celebrate your weight loss with FOOD! And they stop catering to you at all in any way.

Give yourself good habits now so that they stay with you past reaching your goal weight!

Time to get new, healthy friends who live life in a way that you would like to emulate, and dispose of the saboteurs. If you have access to a gym, that's a great place to meet new people, if you're the sociable type (and it sounds like you are).

To be perfectly honest, this is just one of many reasons why I'm a loner. I just can't deal with that kind of crap. LOL People pleasing isn't in my nature; I'd throw a pie at their head, or something.

Love that!

I would stick with "doctor's advice" and order what you need. When going to other's house, bring a large beautiful salad thatn others can enjoy too if they choose to do so. Be firm thast it's a health issue, and then say it' personal as others have suggested. You have to make yourself number 1.

We've all been to dinners, etc. where there are "picky" eaters. The dinner won't be ruined by you eating healthy. Try to keep it simple -- no thanks, doctor's orders, and move on. Don't be bullied or guilt ridden.

New friends? That is taking the easy way out and cruel to your friends who mean you no harm.

What if you have a dinner with your boss? Are you going to dictate the menu? What if it's a charity dinner are you going to? Are you expecting the charity to change the menu for you?

I really hope you don't think I am being harsh but the world will not change for you just like you shouldn't change for the world. Be strong and do what you need to do be healthy but don't expect your friends to change their lives for you at every turn.

That being said, I would confront the couple who are giving you a hard time about what you order at the restaurant. Seriously, it's your meal, your paying for it she should leave well enough alone.

Well, not only this ^ but sometimes we slip up (okay, has anyone done this and NOT fallen back at one time or another???) and can you imagine if the healthy friends "dumped" us because we were off the wagon? Brutal...

Long term success is about learning to live in this world with it rather than shutting the world out.