Hi everyone - I'll try to sum this up quick. I've been overweight my entire life, probably started gaining weight when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I've never broken into the 200s, but I've ALWAYS been bigger than I should be. I got up to my highest weight (185 pounds at 5'5") twice in my life - once back in college and once last year, January 2012. Last New Years I made a promise that I would NEVER get up to that weight again. So, I started [again] at weight loss. I'd lose some, gain a little back, lose some, gain a little back, take a break, recommit, blah blah blah. My most recent re-commitment to weight loss was November 2012 when I joined Weight Watchers Online. My first official weigh-in was 162.2 pounds. I weighed-in on New Years Eve 2013 at 153.1 - 9.1 pounds down from when I started and 32 pounds down from the same time the previous year. I felt good, but wanted more.

But, I lost sight of things with the new year. In January I was only able to lose about 2 pounds, bringing me down to 151. I decided to start doing P90X to get some exercise into my life, but went full force and attempted to do that nutrition plan too. Without going into too much detail, I just wasn't ready to commit to the work outs, or the nutrition. Needless to say I derailed, and lost track of everything I'd been working towards. I didn't step on my scale at all in February, causing me to weigh-in last week with a 7.2 pound gain at 158.2 - only 4 pounds down from when I started in November.

So today I had my weigh-in again. And guess what - I gained a pound. I'm now 159.2 pounds, and I'm so mad I could cry. I've gained 8.2 pounds in 7 weeks! I can't blame anyone but myself, and I know that. I've been struggling SO badly to stay on track, I feel like I'm just burnt out. I don't know what to do.

I want this SO badly but I feel like I can't do it. I feel like it's just not in the cards for me. My goal is 125 pounds, and honestly, at this point it makes me laugh. Am I crazy!? I'll NEVER get down there! I couldn't even break into the 140s when I was 1.1 pounds away from it!

I'm scared that I don't have the drive to do this anymore. It terrifies me because I so badly wanted to be thinner this summer. That possibility is slipping away from me with each passing day, and as much as I know that, it's like it's not enough. I'm drained, I feel empty. I just feel like giving up.

I need some help, I need some encouragement. I've taken such a huge step back these past 7 weeks, it just freaks me out. I feel helpless. I hate this. WHY is this so hard!?

Take it one day at a time, you can do this!

Oh we all know that derailment. It happens, we are human... All you need to do is "Pick yourself up and get back in the race - That's Life" That means so much. Just start again. Starting now is easier than starting later. If you start getting healthy now... you will be healthier later. Just believe and just do it! Maybe a meal plan that you can stick with (WW sounds like it did it for you) or any of the others that are showing on these threads. But you can do it.. you just have to start.

Off the cuff. I grew up in Northbrook and really miss the Chicago area

This is a life decision, a life change. You need to figure out why you want to lose the weight, what it means to you. Doing so will help you get there and actually keep it off.

The changes you make need to actually be something that you can see yourself sticking to for the rest of your life because, you will keep them the rest of your life to keep the weight off.

Now, it isn't an all or nothing (that mindset will put you in a very dark place and vicious cycle of unhealthiness - either extreme weightloss or weightgain). If it helps, don't think about the end as a number you are trying to attain, just go or take up a different goal like, I want to hike up that mountain in this amount of time or run a 10k or swim in this event. Setting up an event you work towards has definitely helped me lose and keep going. It helps me stay motivated.

Food. Oh man, that one sucks. I am going to be honest, I used to eat junk and more junk. Didn't really focus on nutrition. Then I went the opposite direction and didn't eat. Bad place. Point - focus on nutrition. Find food that give you nourishment that you enjoy. Eat till you are full - eat slowly and don't make eating your secondary task (don't watch tv, play the computer, read, etc). This will help you know when you are still hungry and when you are full.

If you don't know what to eat or what is healthy (not a dumb question, I didn't know) or how to prepare certain ingredients, ask! Either you could ask on here or you could find a healthy cooking club in your area or you could ask at your local health food store (I know at mine they offer cooking courses).

It is a process and a series of major life changes you are making and going through. Don't get discouraged! You are doing it, just remember, you are doing this for life, so make the changes you can live with!!!!

It's hard because our bodies don't like to lose fat. Fat is security against the missed hunt, the cold winter, the baby growing in our womb, the drought, the flu.

There's a part of you that still lives that way, all huddled against the cold, cruel world and grabbing for every calorie, afraid to let go of any of them. It does its job by encouraging you to eat. "Just one won't hurt" "I deserve it" "It would taste so good" "It's my favorite"

And there's a part of you that thinks rather than feels about your weight. It holds the whip, and tries to beat back the more primitive side. It thinks in terms of pounds, and calories and carbs and "good foods" and "bad foods" and "being good" when you're on plan. It does its job by having a strict plan and punishing you with guilt when you go off it.

But NEITHER OF THEM IS YOU! You can "hear" them sometimes, arguing (some people think of them as the shoulder-angel and the shoulder-devil). But keep in mind that they both have a VERY important job to do. The trouble is, they are at odds.

Something that helps me a LOT is to take a few minutes, especially when I'm feeling very tempted (one side), or I'm feeling particularly guilty about not following my plan (the other side). I take a few deep breaths and really try to listen to them. (this may sound silly...) Then I talk to each of them. I thank them for trying to take care of me in their own way, and I acknowledge my fear of not having enough food, or my fear of never losing weight and being healthy.

Once I do that, even just that little acknowledgement seems to be enough most times. The voices quiet down and the more rational ME can determine what to do next. Separating MYSELF from their clamoring helps me observe them at an emotional distance. And that really helps me get a truer perspective on where I am in my diet and health plan.

Don't know if it'll help you, but it always helps me. The key is getting into the practice of observing them early when they begin piping up. Once either one of them gets wound up, it can easily lead to binging or crying jags of guilt.

You got this! Just give yourself some time and figure out what is ... And what is not working for you.

Sometimes if you try to take one day at a time it is much easier...that is the thing that has helped me alone the way...and to stay focused.


Good Luck and have a Happy St.Paddy's Day !
I noticed your from Chicago ,kinda of Windy today but the majority of the snow has melted..... And I am looking forward to getting outside more and doing outside activities to keep me motivated!
:cupg old:: cupgold:

Roo2

Quitting is the last thing you should do but I don't want to lecture you. I know that feeling of wanting to just quit and give up all the changes I tried so hard to make when they aren't paying off on my schedule.

I'd use that 159.2 as your new baseline, try maintaining that just for now if you can't take the thought of a diet right now.

Take a breather, try to relax. But don't throw away everything you have worked so hard on. There is still time to be slimmer for the summer and really, what is the alternative? You are going to gain weight before the summer? NO WAY!

You can do this, we are here for you. Just please, do this for yourself. You deserve it.

Samerz--you really can do this. For me, that amount took about five months, which puts you into August--but every step along the way, you look and feel better. Only thing, obviously the change in eating isn't just while you are losing weight, but permanent, to keep it off.

It's really such a short distance--so many people are dealing with much more--but it reminds me of something Lena Dunaham (Girls) saying, about 15 pounds affecting her whole life.

Your history was just like mine! My highest weight (recorded) was 186. That was twenty years ago. I've been in the 150's a lot. I used to believe I could never make it to 125--and I would make sure I didn't! However, I did it last year (until I stopped my weigh-ins and up to 150 again!). I understand your frustration and I really feel for you. Please don't tell yourself you "can't" do something--you CAN--when the time is right and the real desire is there. I've learned it can't be forced. Don't be hard on yourself--you can do this! This whole process is 95% mental, at least. Best of luck!!! I believe in you!!!

Darlin' before you do anything, you have to wrap your mind around the fact that slow is the best way to go. I am not one of the people who think it is dangerous to lose more than two lbs a week, but frankly those people who kill themselves tightening their belt on a diet and kill themselves exercising do exactly what you did, burn out. This has got to be something you live with for the rest of your life. If you are not committed to this being a lifelong thing, then you aren't ready to lose the weight. I am on WW and really like it and frankly find it is the one diet you can live with. Every other program ie Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and the like, when you get on maintenance you are no longer on their food, but back to eating and cooking your own. With WW you start on your own and stay on your own. Don't kill youself in the gym or whatever either. Start slow and work up. Let me tell you a little story. A few years back I weighed at the time around 315 or so and let my dd convince me to enter the 5k for Susan B Kohman. I of course was going to walk it not run, but still a woman my size doing a 5K and I was in my 50's. Well, I live where it is uphill all four ways and knew to walk everyday was going to be a real challenge for me, but I started out 1/4 mile and walked that for about 2 weeks, upped it to 1/2 mile and so on until I was walking 2 miles. I did the 5K, every last step and though I was at the back of the pack, I wasn't last and was never prouder of myself. So, with that being said, start slow and work your way up, but don't give up and don't cry and rant and get mad or anything else when you give in to that cupcake or even two or three days of not doing what you are supposed to. We are not robots. Just begin again and keep going. I am going to pray for you that you will get the fortitude you need to go forward and get the weight you want off then life within your points and exercise for the rest of your life! You go girl!!!

I've read through all the posts (all great advice) but LRH has summed it up best. Read the bolded words...that says it all.

That, and just....relax! Maybe you just need to take a break. Get your head together. You sound SO frustrated (and believe me, I've been there) that you probably just need to stop trying to lose weight right now.

Come back to it when the time is right - you'll know when that is.

I use to watch TV and the diet commercials and exercise commercials would come on and I would eat and stuff my face as a kind of form of rebelling ...I can hear you but I don't care Cuz I Give-up ! So I allowed myself to get to a weight that I did not even Fathom was possible for a Former Skinny Girl!

My Cage Finally Got Rattled and I was glaring at the Awful Truth !!! I turned into an Obese Person!!!
Now I could try to hide from it ...or I could face it!
I chose the latter...
No it is not easy ....but if you give up on Yourself ! What else will you give up on!
I find taking 1 day at a time and trying to focus on the present is most helpful way of proceeding.
Reprogram the messages in your head!
Instead of I can't do it! There is no way I won't do It!!!

Take a stand for yourself !! If you can't get behind yourself and be supportive to you!!!! How can you Truly in life be supportive to anyone else!

You are worth the very best of your efforts!!! Why would you short change yourself.

Loving and caring for yourself so you are able to be present for all the joys,events,and yes even struggles that life has to offer!

You Got This! I Got Your Back!
This is the Mantra I tell myself!

This... gma22 is right. You have to start somewhere and just go. Always remember a loss is a loss no matter how small. Sometimes we are going to have slip ups because things happen- this is a journey that we are on and its going to take time. We are going to learn a lot about ourselves along the way. The most important thing is to never give up on yourself and to never stop loving you.

Samerz: your post made me all teary eyed - I see myself in you, I struggled just the same as you (and am infact going through a rough patch myself)
I would diet then stop, exercise than stop, etc. I dont think i was emotionally ready to give up my security blanket - being fat was who i am - was, who i was - and i was afraid of loosing myself when i lost the weight.
You need to be ready to loose the weight and dont just loose it coz you want to fit into a bikini - thats when you gain it all back (in my experience)

Also one oops doesnt mean the end all of your new lifestyle, giving up after one slip up is like dropping your phone and saying "may as well ride over it with my car"

Please dont feel discouraged and dont give up, there are people here that are so supportive, and they dont judge you when you "accidently" eat a chocolate or gain a pound, so what - we have all been and are going through the same thing!
Hope you carry on with your journey - the beggining is always the hardest, its cliched but true!

I wonder if you are an emotional eater, like I am. When I get stressed, upset or bored the first thing I think about is eating. If so, then this is what you need to address first. It took me a month of practising and telling telling myself that I didn't actually need to eat. I read somewhere that you should wait 15 mins after you have eaten or when you feel hungry to see if you really are hungry or just want food.

If this isn't you, then I digress.

I have been through a similar experience to you. Although I've never committed to an actual diet, I've tried on and off for years to lose weight without much success. For me, I found that I have needed more motivation than 'I want to lose weight so I can be thin or look nice' because those were based on my insecurities. Now, my goal is to lose weight so that I can have children (fertility clinic rules and all). A goal within my main goal is to lose weight and get fit so that I can compete in marathons (I don't plan to be any further ahead than the middle-to-last at the finish line).

What I'm trying to say is, you need a bigger motivation than just to lose weight. The goal needs to be something that will motivate you for a year, 5 years, a lifetime. I only say this because I get the sense that you feel defeated and that your goal to lose weight doesn't have the pull to get you there.
Of course, other options aside from marathons is to join running/walking clubs and set a goal to do better each month/week. Everybody is different, but I've found that diets and abstract/general goals have never worked for me.

I hope you get something from this mindless, tired rambling of mine!