I have a difficult question to ask, and looking for honest opinions. This isn't about weight loss so much as it is about wellness, and I am sure that some people here will be able to relate.

I have had a very difficult relationship with food my whole life, which is how I had gotten to be so overweight in the first place. My parents didn't have a lot of money and my mom tied up a lot of emotions with food. She's one of those people where FOOD=LOVE. My mom considered it a job well done if any visitor who came to her house left STUFFED. As a kid, I learned to eat my feelings as a way of comfort. By the time I was in 6th grade, I was so overweight that my hip joint actually separated from the pressure of carrying all of that extra weight and I had to have surgery to pin it into place.

Long story short, it has been a very long journey to get where I am today. I had to shift my mindset completely to start thinking of food as FUEL and not an emotional escape. I had to find other outlets to manage my stress. And while I really love food and am still very passionate about it, I think I am more in love with cooking it (which is very therapeutic for me) rather than eating it. Still, it is a dangerous line, and I avoid "trigger foods" like the plague.

Every time I see my mom she pokes at me and says "You're getting too skinny, you." And out comes the FOOD!!! It is dangerous for me eating at my parents' because it's like something trips in my brain, some switch goes off, and all of a sudden I lack all control. I binge horribly anytime I go there.

So, anyways, for my birthday, my mom told me she was just going to get me something small. I had given her a Christmas list that included things like beauty products, lotion... you know, girly stuff that makes me feel good without any calories. So, what arrives at my doorstep yesterday? a package from WOLFERMAN's. Scones, cinnamon buns, jam, english muffins. I cannot describe to you the range of emotions that went through my head at that moment. Some sort of combination between anger/guilt/sadness/joy. What am I supposed to do with this stuff? It's delicious, but it's JUNK. A single english muffin is 270 calories, and the cinnamon bun is well over 400. My parents have NO MONEY and I would feel absolutely horrible if their money goes to waste.

This morning I had an English muffin. Well, I had half, with a small smear of natural peanut butter and a couple slices of banana. I figure, instead of my recovery drink, I will eat the other half after my workout. In the end I take in about the same number of calories as I would otherwise.

So here are my questions:

- Do I eat all of the things that she gave me? Do I structure it so I have just a little bit of each once a day?

- Do I bring some of them to work and give them away?

- Do I throw any of them away?

- How do I tell her to stop sending me food? I feel like I am going to break her heart no matter what I say, because she'll feel like I didn't appreciate her gift. My relationship with my mom is so complicated as it is (LOTS of history there) and she's very good at guilt tripping, which makes me feel like sh--. I adore my mom, but I have built some pretty crazy emotional walls when it comes to her to protect myself and it makes it really hard for me to open up to her sometimes.

Thank her for her wonderful gift and GIVE IT AWAY!! RIGHT NOW! She doesn't need to know what you did with it. It is a gift, it is yours , you can do what ever you want with it, GIVE IT AWAY !!!

First things first... If it's things that don't fit into your plan... then yes, give them to someone else that would enjoy them... And don't feel guilty about it just because it was from your Mom, obviously she meant well... Oh, and don't tell her about it... just thank her and tell her how wonderful it all was.... BUT what I would do is casually in another conversation just mention that I'm watching my weight or I'm trying not eat such and such or whatever... And as tactfully as possible give subtle hints that gifts of big food baskets are just too much for you and that really they just might go to waste or you would have to give most of it away or something like that... and then hopefully no one's feelings will get hurt and in the future you'll just get gift baskets with those "girly" things that you like and not something that winds up making you feel guilty...

Yes, go ahead and give the food away. And if it's to a friend that might see your mom, be sure to tell her/him to keep it a secret. I, too, come from a family that used food for every occasion. Upset? Have a cookie. Celebrating? Have a big special meal. Holiday? Have a really big over-the-top special meal. If there was an emotion, there was a food that could address the problem. But, now that my entire family is all gone, I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. And, I'm learning to deal with the emotional eating.

So, obviously your mom equates happiness with food. So, the next time she asks for gift ideas, send her a list of special diet treats. For instance, send her recipes for some of your favorite items. Send her a web site that you might purchase from. Ask for a gift certificate to a store. And, when you go to visit them, spend an afternoon cooking with her -- only cook a meal that you would normally eat.

I don't know about you, but I have to basically relearn how to cook or else I would be eating the exact same meal every single day. And if your mom says that you're getting too skinny, tell her why you want to lose weight and everything that is so much better for you.

And, if she can't change. Then just love her, try to stay on your eating plan, and realize that she does it out of love for you.

I agree with others. Give it away if you know someone who wants it, or don't be afraid to throw it away if you don't!

I asked my mom not to buy me chocolate for Christmas, but she did anyway. I never finished the chocolates she gave me last year, so this time around I gave thrm to my fiancé because I know he enjoys them.

A few weeks ago someone gave us baked stuff. We had a little and threw it out.

Thank you everyone. You have made me feel so much better about this. I was so wracked with guilt over the idea of giving them away, but you are right - if she doesn't know the difference, she will still be happy and so will I.

I'm sure your mom would love the thought of others also enjoying the food (even though you aren't telling her).

I would be honest with her about not wanting food as gifts at some point in the future though. I'm sure you know best way to approach that. If your mom knew how much anguish her gifts were causing you I'm sure she'd be sad. Unless you're comfortable with sharing/regifting every time in the future and feel like it won't cause you stress next time.

If she's just a food giver, is there any type of food you could request; like protein bars, shakes, high quality cheese or some other thing like that?

I'd give the food to a local shelter, homeless, women's, whatever, and then tell Mom what I'd done. I'd just say that I can't eat that sort of thing anymore but that the people there enjoyed it very much. Don't make it sound like you're upset with her, don't act like it was done to punish her for not listening to you, just tell her what a nice donation it made to people who don't get things like that very often.

I'd do this every time that she sends something, and tell her that you'd done it, and I'd bet that the food gifts will come to an end.

Another thought - if you have friends who would enjoy it without worrying about the calories (we all seem to have plenty of those friends), maybe plan a small brunch for the weekend and serve the items that were your gift, then you're also enjoying the company while they're being enjoyed. A succulent fruit salad and some other healthy options along with the birthday treats would make for what sounds like a wonderful February morning.

Taking it to work is a great idea. That way it doesn't go to waste and you don't have to tell her you didn't eat it. You could also go around the city and give it to homeless people.

Well, at least you know your mother loves you. Some people, like my SO, just can't seem to hear what you're telling them. Give the food away, definitely. You can thank her and tell her you enjoyed one of the treats, and shared the rest with your co-workers. Tell her your doctor has told you that you have serious health issues and you must avoid sugar, etc. (When you see her wear a blood pressure monitor or something and say "See Ma - the doctor makes me wear this so he can monitor my health!). My Dad was the same - food was his joy and he always wanted everyone to share the happiness. I miss him terribly and everytime I eat something that tastes spectacular I think of how much he would have enjoyed it.

You must take care of yourself - get rid of the rest of the food.

I don't know what type of plan you're on, so this may or may not work for you, but if it were me, i'd throw it in the freezer. Then i'd have ONE muffin or whatever as a once-a-week treat that reminds me of mom.

I admit I'm a little surprised at how many people suggested not telling your mom. I can't imagine having to tread so carefully around a parent -- and it's not like I had a perfect relationship with my mom (far from it).

I would probably say something like, "I really appreciated the thought behind your gift, and the muffin was absolutely delicious. However, I'd like to ask you to not get me any more food gifts. I'm trying to manage my weight, and such gifts tend to derail me, so I've decided to make a policy of giving away all food gifts I receive."

Freelance

Agree. Taking them to work is a great idea--and the food won't go to "waist" (yours)!!!

Those mother-daughter relationships are so complex. I think even if you tell your mother you don't want that kind of food around, it wouldn't do any good. She's still nurturing you, in her mind. Give it away and what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

I would thank your mom, and then take it to work and put it the break room, personally.

*Edit: The reason I suggest just saying "thank you" is I was taught that you don't criticize someone else's choice of gift. Even if you don't like it, you just say "Thank you". Even if it's your mom. In my family, ESPECIALLY if it's Mom.