I've read so much about not going on a diet but making a lifestyle change... how do I shift my mentality from "I'm dieting"?
And if it's not dieting, then what do I call it, how do I explain to people what I'm doing food wise?

Perhaps what shifted my mentality from a short-term diet to a long-term commitment was not focusing on weight loss, but the need to physically and mentally feel better every day. What can eat to help me attain that? What can I physically, mentally, and emotionally do to support feeling the very best I can be?

I don't ever say I'm "dieting" anymore, I simply note how important it is for me to eat healthy.

for me, it just sort of happened when I wasn't thinking about it. I started with saying things like I am dieting. But slowly I just am making better food choices and now I think this is my life, not necessarily this is me on a diet...

I think some of the ideas that need to accompany a life style change are sustainability, nutritional balance, and an indefinite time period. If you are on say, the grapefruit diet, it is not likely that you are going to be able to maintain that indefinitely, or that you are going to get a well balanced nutritionally complete set of meals regularly. The type of diet that doctors go on about, or weight watchers or whatever is at least possibly a way you could live healthily. You also need a contingency plan, or a set of contingency plans. What happens if you do go off track? what if you binge or pig out at a party? what if you're hungry and for some reason (vacation, say) there's nothing around you can eat and stay on plan?

So that's the physical - pick something that could be a lifestyle change. The other part is in your head. I've spent a lot of my life kind of thinking of dieting as punishment for being fat. Like, most of the world gets to eat what they want, but I'm a big fat slob so I have to eat lettuce for weeks on end to do penance or something for being bad and fat and worthless. It wasn't fair that skinny people could eat what they wanted, but that's what I got for eating like a pig. These weren't really conscious thoughts, but an underlying belief that was guiding my decisions, and I know they don't stand up to scrutiny. It's hard to scrutinize what you're not admitting tho. So, I've realized now that skinny people pretty much all work their butts off to stay that way. They aren't eating pizzas by themselves, they aren't polishing off bags of chips and pints of ice cream. They aren't even having seconds of pasta. Oh sure, there are a few lucky ones that seem to be able to eat what they want, but they almost all are very active. I get a skewed view of reality because I generally only see these people eating at restaurants, or at parties. I don't really pay attention to how much they eat, I just assume that since there's a chocolate fondue and fried zucchini everyone's pigging out. I don't know that they're eating soup and salad with 2 oz of tuna every meal. This isn't punishment, it's just what you have to do to have a slim and healthy body. It might be a bit tougher for me than for other people because of my physiology, but really pretty much everyone has to decide - am I willing to put in the time and effort that it's going to take to stay in shape? All those skinny people would be just as fat as me if they ate like I used to; I will be slim and healthy too if I eat like they do. My physiology might stop me from ever being a runway model, but it will not stop me from being healthy. Once you get that, or whatever issues are getting in your own way, then it will be a lifestyle thing.

I agree with the others in saying that I think the difference is in sustainability and length of time. I have lost the same 20 to 30 pounds many times in my life. In the past, I looked at my diet as being something with an ending. I would get to my goal, and then just stop. I would keep up the habits generally for a while, but almost every winter, I would start doing fast food runs to cope with feelings etc., and would then go into a cycle of shame and guilt over my eating, which would then make me angry, which would make me want to eat...

This time around, I started out by changing what was inside of me, instead of restricting food first. I took a look at my relationship with food, and worked to change the things that weren't working for me and/or were dragging me down. I have also finally seen the light that this isn't something that is ever going to go away. I am either going to learn how to manage my choices on an everyday basis, or I will be gaining and losing that same thirty pounds for the rest of my life (and realistically, that thirty might become forty, fifty, etc. as I age).

I am also focused more on health than on scale numbers, since I know I am in this for the long haul and that I won't give up because I have a fluctuation due to a bad day or lifting weights, or whatever.

This is probably a good thing, since my scale numbers have been going up lately!

I think for me, what made this journey a lifestyle change vs a diet is making the realization early on that there wasn't going to be an end point where I could just go back to eating "normally" like I did before. This was a very difficult realization to come to and there was a bit of a mourning period. But I sucked it up and kept on keeping on.

How I've made this a lifestyle change over the past few (nearly 4) years is that I made sure never to adopt any diet changes that would not be sustainable for me. For example, I know I lose faster on a low carb diet, but that's not something I'm able or willing to pursue in the long term. So sure, occasionally, I might do a low-carb week or fortnight, but I'm not going to set myself up to fail by trying to force something that isn't sustainable for me.

Another way I've turned this process into a lifestyle change is to set the goal of staying accountable. My "plan" has been calorie counting so even on bad days (like yesterday) when I eat an unspeakable number of calories (well over 3000), I own it. And today, I get back on plan. I've come to the realization that it wasn't the occasional day of overeating that made me obese all through my life. The fact that this is a lifestyle change for me means it's adaptable. I'm not necessarily killing myself trying to get to a specific goal by a specific time. I'm not going for perfection and if I don't get it, flushing my plan down the toilet. This journey is a lifestyle change and like real life, there are good days and bad days and good weeks and bad. Life will go on whether I stick to plan or not. The best I can do like anything else in life, is just keep plugging along and trying to make sure each day is better than the last.

I think what made this a lifestyle change for me was taking years to make all of the changes. I know we all want everything NOW, but slow and steady can win the race...or rather marathon

Eight years ago I was 16. I stepped into the gym I still go to for the first time. My mother took me because she had been going and I had gained a lot of weight (I was wearing a size 18, probably should have been wearing a 20). I started going to the gym regularly after that! I went to group fitness classes and built relationships with all of the other women.

Honestly if you have trouble keeping up the motivation to go to a gym, take group fitness classes. When you become a regular people will hound you if you stop going!!

Throughout the years as I exercised and experimented with other classes, I lost weight as I chose healthier foods. I went from a tight 18 down to a 12/14 by the time I finished graduate school (so, sloooowwwww, but I got there ).

The final piece of the puzzle was watching how MUCH I was eating, which I did in May 2011. That's when the weight really started to come off. Almost exactly a year ago, I posted my goal topic

HOWEVER, because I had done all of this relatively slowly it was very easy for me to add something else. When I started watching my calories, going to the gym was never a difficult task to combine it with because I had been going to the gym for years—it was just another thing I did. It was also easy for me to make those calories healthy calories because I had already been eating healthy for years.

In maintenance I'm continuing what I was doing before, but even now I'll toss something in when I think I've had enough time to add changes in. I go to another gym now in addition to the other one, and adding that in was no big deal either.

I know everyone wants results NOW, but sometimes focusing on adding one healthy habit slowly may be more effective then simply diving in and changing everything at once.

Every time you consider making a change in your eating or exercise regimen, I suggest you ask yourself the question "Can I do this for life?" That way you'll accumulate a sustainable repertoire that adds up to a lifestyle change. Ideally, the only difference between the weight-loss phase and the maintenance phase is a few hundred calories -- the eating style can and should be the same.

F.

I think for me I knew I had to figure out what worked for me. I knew I did not want to depend on a gym or any diet plan. I wanted to learn to how to make the right food choices in any situation and be active for at least 5 days out the week and be consistent with both.

I tried a lot of workout dvd's that I didn't care for and I ate a lot of food I did not like, but I kept trying to figure out what I would like and would stick to.

Also I knew I had to make changes. I could not sit in front of the tv with my candy or ice cream and pig out anymore, so now I drink tea or eat an apple instead. I still enjoy a cheat meal once in a while, but I know I have to bump up the intensity during my next workout session.

It took me a long time, but slowly it all came together and before I knew it I had a plan that I actually didn't mind and not too long after that the weight and inches started to come off.

Regarding your question "And if it's not dieting, then what do I call it, how do I explain to people what I'm doing food wise?" I do not tell people I'm dieting, because I'm not. I just say I'm making healthier food choices and watching the portion sizes.

This is SO true. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the only skinny people who get to eat what they want are those who don't want to eat very much. A possible exception is teenage boys. Every single adult I've known has to put in some effort and exercise some restraint if s/he has a healthy appetite and wants to stay thin.

Here's one of many many examples: I once taught music to the daughter of a woman whose husband owned a restaurant. She (mother) was very slim and well put together. She invited me to the restaurant on a couple of occasions, and I was surprised to see that she ate fairly substantial meals, especially for someone so petite. I later learned that she fasted all day and ate only dinner -- not just when she went out to dinner, but as a regular routine. Not that I advocate the practice, but it's a good illustration of the kinds of sacrifices skinny adults make.

Freelance

For me it was all in one word: CHANGE. I admit to having short term goals in the beginning; I said on another thread that my mental picture was to look amazing by Christmas (This was at the end of July). A little impractical when you're starting at nearly 450 lbs! But as I went along, and realized that my progress would be slow and that other things than my appearance were at stake, I realized I was CHANGING. I will eat like this for life. I will cheat occasionally, but I will always have to monitor my calories, watch my carbs and exercise. The numbers will just be different when I'm maintaining. I've CHANGED from drinking 2 liters of coca cola every day and having two sausage and eggers for breakfast every weekday morning to always carrying a water bottle with me and keeping organic almonds at my desk. I don't veg on the couch and watch law and order when I wake up on a day off. I get up at 6 am and I spend an hour in the pool.

It's daunting at the beginning. but I think you''ll be impressed with how easily it becomes your life and your routine. I started by cutting one bad habit or adding a positive one per month. No pop. Then counting calories/carbs. Then exercise. Then more exercise. Just ease in

So many great thoughts posted here already!

For me, it started as a "diet" -- I was dieting to lose weight. But, as I advanced through the months and continued dropping weight (and even through many months where I didn't lose a pound!) - I realized that the changes I made at the beginning to lose the weight were becoming habits in my life. Now, it's a lifestyle.

I'm not so concerned with the terminology of it. My husband and I still refer to "actively trying to lose weight" as "dieting" - because the healthy changes that enabled us to lose so much weight (me: 80 lbs so far and him: 55 lbs) are simply "what we do" now. So, if we take a vacation and we gain 5 pounds, we actively "diet" to drop those 5 (i.e., we cut back on calories and add some extra exercise) and then we go back to living the lifestyle.

How we got to this point? Time and practice (and a lot of mistakes along the way!!).

When I first started, I just told people that I was taking off some weight. Obviously, I needed to lose weight and this answer took all the emotional baggage out of the answer. People didn't need to know all the details, it was simply an objective truth that I needed to take off some weight.

I tend to think that the lifestyle change has to happen fairly organically and over time. I don't think you can just say "this is how I live and eat now". You keep doing something until it becomes second nature and I don't think it can be forced.

Hi DomesticBliss. I think for me it is becoming my 'lifestyle' beccause I am concious of choices made at every turn, by logging my every bite. I measure, (working on the scale so I will also soon weight my food) and I select the best of choices for me of the lower calorie, nutrient rich foods. It kind of becomes habit once you get used to logging and staying 'concius' of choices. Which a habit=lifestlyle. It isn't a diet, as you can make decadent choices at times too if/when your personal caloric needs don't exceed your amount alloted

Just like everyone else has said, I believe that you have to stop thinking about dieting.

I decided to lose weight after I decided that my lousy eating habits and my complete lack of fitness were very limiting. I wanted to change more things than the number on the scales and my clothes' size. It sort of worked because I kept many of my new habits even after I gave up, but I did have to work on it.

What worked for me is setting goals that weren't weight related. I'd set a goal to try x new foods this month or get to the campus in that many minutes or whatever and I wanted to achieve those as much as I wanted to see the lbs drop.