Much like giving an alcoholic a bottle of wine for Xmas, my mother has bought my 250+ sister a pair of shorts.
Why my mother does this I do not know. She has not seen my sister in 18 months, has not asked her size, but has taken it apon herself to do her clothes shopping - it freaks me out. I have seen this too many times in our household.

My sister will open the gift, look at the size and go into a decline. My mother will then say - we can take them back and look for one in your size if you like and then my mother will burst into tears because she chose the wrong size. Thus making my sister feel extra guilty so that she marches into the kitchen to find something to eat.

Well - this year it's going to be different, I'm going to call me mother now and give her a lecture. She can quit being the matyr.

I think that's one of the side effects of sorting my life out this year, I'm no
longer interested in other people's drama!

Thanks for letting me rant... What gifts do you think would be inappropriate for you?

I think it's nice you're intercepting that gift since you know what the outcome will be! Family stuff can be so complicated, and I'm sure there's a huge long back story on top of the little bit that you've shared.


As far as inappropriate gifts for myself, hmmmm. I can't think of any off hand. I don't think I have anyone in my life that I would receive a gift from that I would be offended by, even if the gift itself would be a little off. I'd know it was coming from a good place if nothing else. Wait I take that back, I'm sure my SIL could manage to offend me, but I can't think of anything specific.

What about for you, Wheresmychin, what kind of gift would you find inappropriate for yourself?

Did your sister get bigger in the last 1 year and half?
Is it possible that your mother doesn't know that she now has such a big weight problem?
Probably i didn't understand correctly your post , but i find weird that your mother has bought her a pair of shorts, even though she know she couldn't have worn it...

The mother of the girls my MIL used to babysit for took it upon herself to buy me a very thin, yellow 2X tank-top with cheetah spots for my birthday last year. So not my taste even if it did fit me. She's someone I barely even know and the very last thing I expected was a gift from her! I've lost nearly 40 pounds and it still doesn't fit me (it's rather clingy for its size)!

Oh, and my hubby went to Florida last month for a business trip. His boss's wife bought herself a cute little t-shirt as a souvenir, and somehow got the bright idea to buy me something too since I couldn't attend. And . . . she went ahead and bought me the same size as she bought herself. She's met me and there's no freaking way I fit into a small (I just started fitting into XL's).

On both occasions my husband expressed that this is why you don't buy clothes for people you barely know or rarely see.

From the way I read it, this has happened many times, and it always ends badly for all parties involved.

My MIL, just before my husband and I got married, gave me a pack of cat toys and a cat bed for Xmas.

My cat had died two weeks beforehand.

So innapropriate gifts I know. The year after that, I gave her a yogurt of the month membership. She's lactose intolerant.

After that, we've had a friendly exchange of gift cards

After reading elladorine's post, i have something more to say
I can't believe someone can buy something they perfectly know i'd never be able to wear.
I refuse the idea they can do that to hurt me, or in general to hurt people that have a weight problem.
It's a stupid and shameful behaviour
There's also the possibility that they're so superficial to have bought something they like but without thinking about the person they bought for.

G R E A T

oh wow i can sooo sympathise with you all...my mum used to buy me clothes...now i tell everybody (and there is no exception) not to buy me any clothes at all!!...i went through my childhood and teenage years feeling belittled and humiliated every birthday and christmas because what my mum bought me would never fit...i was one of those teenagers who increased in size with her age...age 12 size 12..age 14 size 14 etc till i stopped at 26...so yep very stern about this!!..i mean even if i was skinny i would say the same thing..i have a definite style and only like certain things!!..lol..lol..very fussy actually!!...cheers liz

Last year for Xmas my MIL decided to buy my family all matching pajamas. She got everyone the right size but me. At that point I had lost 50 lbs. She knew but still bought me a 2X. It was falling off and when I asked her why she said she wanted to make sure my boobs were covered (she'd always had an issue about the size of my chest).

I have a non-clothes related one (I think my family gave up on the inappropriate clothing gifts, thankfully... though I still have friends who will ask me my size and say they want to pick things out for me)!

I told my mom I'm not eating junk food or dairy and I don't want any care packages involving food. I had even JUST complained about a package my grandmother had sent involving four (FOUR!) dozen cookies - which thankfully I pawned off on my students. But a few weeks later my mom sent me 4 pints of ice cream (at almost 300 calories per half cup each!). I feel bad getting mad at her and I know it was a nice gesture, but it immediately just frustrated me! My grandmother had no idea I was trying to lose weight (and she felt bad I wasn't coming home for thanksgiving) so I can't blame her, but I had JUST told me mom about all of this and she did it anyway!

Oh I am sorry about your cat. But oh my dear sweet Lord yogurt of the month, LOL!! I so wish I could have done something like that to my mil, now I only have to look at her maybe once a year .
This would be the lovely "lady" who when her son and I got engaged gave me the nice couple portraits of him with his previous girlfriend because she didn't want them since he wasn't with that girl (she wanted him to marry her, not me) anymore and she thought I might want to sit and cut the other girl out of them all so I had pics of now hubby.? I am talking like 25 pics of assorted sizes. That is one of the least hurtful things she has ever done to me, not even getting started on what she has done to hubby and my children. Hence the once a year visits.

Hmmmmm I guess I will be a "different voice" here... but this is between your Mom and your sister. I think you should stay out of it.

exactly. And calling your mom and lecturing her sounds like you are still very interested in other people's drama. Just because you worked on yourself this year, doesn't mean anyone else did or wants to or has to. Stay out of it.

oh i know inappropriate gifts. especially with clothes. My mother , im starting to think, buys me clothes to remind me how fat I used to be. She will come over fresh from walmart with some hideous gym/yoga pants in like size 4x she got for me and im like I havent been a 4x in 2 yrs. In yoga pants im like a large, and shes like well youve always beeen soooo bigggg theres no way i would think youre a large cause youve always been sooooooo soooo big im sure these do fit you still so you can get use out of them. she refuses to see that im not a size 4x/26 anymore but a xl/large/14. I cant give them back to her cause she makes me try them on and even when they fall around my ankles shes like oh youre just putting them on wrong youre just so big you have to be a 4x still. fun times. I dont get her anything anymore and tell her not to get me anything either but she still does. I have piles of 4x/26 clothes ill never use. My mom also tells other ppl im that size so i get gifts from relatives in that size that i cant use either. ive started actively telling relatives im a size 14 cause its all just going to be donated. Really its a good thing to tell your mother to not buy your sister the wrong clothing size, its just frustrating.