Hello,
It is not that you want to be fat, it is just that it is super duper hard to go back 100% after a cheat.
It happened to me, after I lost about 50 pounds being 100%, I decided to take a Christmas break, and now we are in July and the break went on and on.
I always try to go back, but second time around is just too hard.
Nevertheless, I never give up, so keep on going
