I have always kept my binging a secret but my Mom always knew. I would go from my room to the snack drawer several times after school until I had my fill and that has continued through my whole life. My fondest memories are eating limitless amounts of chips and salsa and reading Babysitters Club Books at the kitchen table until it was time for dinner. I have always been addicted to salty foods, chips are my favorite. Once I had my drivers license I would sneak to fast food restaurants after school. Eventually this turned into me ordering several value meals for myself and eating until I felt sick. I counted and I spent $250 last month on eating out. I will eat out every day for lunch at work, and then my secret binge trips before I go over to my boyfriends house or home to see my parents. I think I might be a healthy weight if I didn’t binge. I think I am approximately 50 lbs overweight.
Writing this all out scares me and makes me cry, but it is the truth I have never faced before. I have thought about and attempted diets for the past 8 years with no success, I cave to my cravings, binge and throw in the towel. I think the longest I’ve made it on a diet is 3 weeks. Ordering food and eating in excess is my own little reward for myself, even though I don’t deserve it and it’s really quite harming. Psychologically I have no idea why I do it. It’s like something that has been programmed in me forever. I think that it affects all of my motivation in other parts of my life. If I have a binge it makes me too lazy to clean my house, do school work, get up for work, etc.
I have no idea how to move forward but to try to find a therapist or try to stop binging on my own. Money is really tight so it looks like I’m on my own with this. Any words of encouragement or advice is welcomed, I’ve never had the will to actual face and admit to this and it’s scares me to death to think I could fail again. If anyone has a program to try or articles they recommend I would appreciate it. I'm not sure I would be ready to start a 'diet' just yet. I'd like to spend some time learning about why I think this way and how to prevent it.


