Have you ever been told this (insert him, her, someone's name)? Today, once again someone told me that I need to put my husband on a diet. This isn't the first time I've been told this and it won't be the last. My response is that the only person who can put him on a diet is himself.

I mean, I am barely keeping myself on a diet, there is no way I can diet for my husband! Believe me, I know he needs to lose weight. He knows he needs to lose weight. His doctor knows he needs to lose weight.

My husband was just in the ER with chest pains (not his first time at that rodeo either) a few weeks ago and everyone from the ER doc, the cardiologist, and his internist told him he needs to lose weight. You know what they also said - it's easier said than done. The cardiologist told us that right now there is a higher cure rate for cancer than for obesity. Sounds hopeful, huh?

So, how can I be responsible for him losing weight? I am having a hard enough time keeping myself in check. Has the responsibility of someone else losing weight ever fallen on your shoulders?

You are not responsible for your husbands diet , as you know it is up to him.Ignore those people that say you should put your husband on a diet . They are ignorant.

Thanks for the validation, bargoo!

Not the spouse but I took my son to the doc for an earache and this asian doctor said to him "You fat" We just looked at each other and thought what the heck?! I have never had a doc say anything like that, ever! The thing...he was NOT fat!

But I agree with Bargoo...you are not responsible. You can be there for support should he decide to lose weight but you can't make him.

My fiance always tells me I gotta keep him in check... Its so annoying. I tell him I barely have enough strength to get myself thru a strict diet..

How are you supposed to put a grown man on a diet? Padlock his mouth closed and only open it for foods that you deem healthy to be shovelled in? Or does whoever's saying it think you're solely responsible for every food choice in your household? He might need to put himself on a diet, but you can't do it for him, and anyone expecting you to really hasn't thought it through.

As the old adage goes--You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I do my darndest to cook pretty healthily but my husband is still 60+ lbs overweight. He knows it, as well as everyone else too. Despite having a really strong family history of heart disease. His brother had a heart attack at 54 (DH is 54 now), his dad died of a heart attack at 57 as well as numerous uncles dying from heart attacks before 60, his grandmother died of a heart attack at 58. Husband has high blood pressure controlled by medication but he's still at a very high risk. I cannot control what he puts in his mouth, nor can I force him to exercise. It makes me very sad that I will be without him someday, sad for me and sad for my kids.

Losermom - my husband also has high blood pressure and cholesterol controlled by medication and a family history of heart attacks ( two uncles). My husband is in his early 40s, but he takes it for granted now that he will have a shorter life span ended by a heart attack. He keeps getting
more life insurance so that me and the kids will be provided for when that happens. It all seems like a sick death wish to me, but aside from encouraging him to take control of his health I can't do anything. To me, it seems to be the easy way out to eat yourself to death. I know I found it so much easier to just let myself go than the effort I put in today. However, feeling lighter and getting my blood pressure back to normal has been so amazing... It's worth the effort.

I have a person in my family that's the same way right now. He's already had a stroke and just recently had to get 4 stints put in his heart, he's got high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes... pretty much every obesity-related disorder/disease there is out there, he has it. We try to help him by cooking healthy meals, but he is of the mindset that when you eat healthy food, that means you get to eat that much more of it for that reason. And then, after we eat, he'll either go back for more or he'll cook/eat something else -- like a whole meal's worth of food. He won't help himself; he thinks taking a pill will solve all of his issues. We're all really worried about him, but the main thing is nothing is going to change unless he makes the decision to get serious about his health.

mimsyborogoves - my husband is the same way about eating healthy foods. He thinks that eating a healthy meal is a license to double or triple his portions - which means he might as well have eaten a single portion of a calorie/fat dense meal to begin with. If he does eat an appropriate portion of a healthy meal, an hour or so later he complains he is still hungry and starts grazing on unhealthy snacks. After he eats a bunch of unhealthy snacks, he tells me that I didn't make a satisfying dinner and as a result he has blown his diet because he had to snack to curb his hunger. I can never win with him. He blames me for his weight, his parents and other relatives blame me for his weight, even some of our friends seem to hold me accountable.

I would respond to these people with "I am not his mother."

Thankfully my husband has never had a weight problem and is extremely active with his job so he is lean and muscular. He also eats what I make for myself, which also helps.

Whoa! I'm sorry to hear that, guacamole. My husband doesn't blame me for his weight, although his mother does, which is another story altogether. My husband says that I'm too good of a cook. The reality is that he eats too much fast food, junk (which I don't buy), doesn't exercise or sleep well enough. We just have to remember that we can't do it for them.

I would be so annoyed, I think I'd say "I don't know what your marriage is like, but I'm not my husband's mother, and he's not 7 years old, I don't "make" him do anything"

This tells me he's thinking about it and is concerned about it. (If i got a comment like that after making someone a dinner though, it would not be pretty)

Is he trying to make more healthy choices and failing - and not telling you? Men can be weird about diets - they never want to admit to others they're on one.

My husband lost over 100 lbs last year - and I was the one who needed to lose weight - so reversed from your situation. Nothing he could have said or done would have made me ready to lose the weight. What really helped me was seeing his results - that it was possible.

This totally reminded of something that happened to me as a TEEN!!!

I was dating a guy and his mom said to me "Can't you get him to stop throwing his jacket on the couch and hang it instead?" Yes, this was a her house where I didn't live. I guess her theory was that even though he wouldn't listen to her about anything he would somehow listen to me? Yeah, NO!

Ha ha ha and if only I could control what my husband ate!!! He is obese and while I have been steadily losing weight for the past year, he has stayed the same. I honestly think he must be sneaking food behind my back because based on the meals I see him eat it doesn't make sense that I'm losing and he isn't (he does MORE exercise than me).

I do think parents SHOULD be held accountable for their children's weight though (teenage parents get more leeway). As I drop off my son at daycare it is REALLY sad to see obese TODDLERS whose parents packed high sugar juice for them. Sad.