I think your husband is quite aware of the fact that he needs to lose weight, this is a serious matter since it's already affecting his health. If he's a person of habit (enjoys certain meals at certain times) and is sedentary it's going to be hard for him to completely change his lifestyle. Still, it's not impossible. I'm surprised though that your weight loss efforts, your progress and success hasn't motivated him in any way. Try and encourage him, tell him it's not that hard and you're there for him if he needs any kind of support.
I think my weight loss has only made my husband feel more self-conscious about his appearance. It has made him want to lose weight to "match me" in appearance, but practically speaking, he hasn't taken any steps to do it.
My husband has needed to lose weight since before we were married - of course his weight has only increased through the years (as has mine!). He never took responsibility for his weight - not then and not now. He always looks to outside factors as the culprit.
From the time we were dating, when he referred to himself as "a little chubby" to today where he refers to himself as needing to lose "a little bit of weight" (he is 6' and 320 lbs), he just can't seem to face reality. Perhaps he has some sort of body dismorphia where he sees himself as smaller than he really is - he still sees himself as a the broad, muscular, football player he was in high school.
You can't force someone to do something they don't want to. Besides his weight is not your responsibility, but when it comes to health it's also your problem because you’re a family.
Idea! Start taking more family pictures - and make sure he sees them.
Not only will you have more pictures of your family, which is always good, but you know how those pictures affect us mentally when we see them. Maybe it will help him?
I think my weight loss has only made my husband feel more self-conscious about his appearance. It has made him want to lose weight to "match me" in appearance, but practically speaking, he hasn't taken any steps to do it.
My husband has needed to lose weight since before we were married - of course his weight has only increased through the years (as has mine!). He never took responsibility for his weight - not then and not now. He always looks to outside factors as the culprit.
*sigh*
This is my boyfriend to a T.......
But again, he has weight to lose but hasn't organized his life so that it's possible...
Guac- don't be held accountable for his weight! Only your own. If you are in charge of the kitchen in your house, then, Yes, see to it that it is a healthy place. Otherwise, these are his choices and you can't do much about them!
He went on a bike ride with me this morning and when we came back I made us a spinach omelet, which he loved. However, on his way to work, he mentioned he was picking up take out for a work meeting, and then he has another organizational meeting this evening and will probably be eating more restaurant food there. Ahh well....baby steps.
I have the same dilemma, he always tells me how I should keep him from eating bad foods but it's hard when I say no you can't have this and he gets pouty face! I'm not going to make you unhappy !! Such a double edged sword. He really needs to do it for himself and we can still work together but it is def not a one woman show!
It has taken me a long time to decide to respond to this post..I am so glad you did, Guac, though I am sorry you are in the situation (Losermom, you too! :hug) I have wanted to talk of this situation but was afraid I'd be bashed for it. My DH is dangerously overweight ( 6' and somewhere over 350)
He does not acknowledge his size to me, only once in his life did he say 'I'm overweight'. I am afraid for being called selfish here, that I want him to be healthy, for our life together! I tend to think of worse-case scenarios and I see early death and then loneliness for me, or stroke/disabilty for him and a struggle and lessened life-enjoyement for me. So yes I sound self-centered but as a spouse it does affect me.
He does most of the cooking, if I do the cooking, he will certainly eat it and compliment it, but have bigger portions, and more food later. I do not buy ice cream or cookies or chips or such. He does though. I don't know what he eats at work or on the way home. I have asked that he do something like South Beach with me but he really didn't answer. I have NEVER nagged or even said anything at all about his weight because when I was overweight, he always said I was beautiful I have asked in the evenings 'lets take a walk?' but he doesnt want to..too tired, etc.
I admit I increased life insurance because of my fears.
He always compliments me on my exercising (almost daily) and compliments me on my muscles and my recent weight loss.
When he was in the hospital briefly last year due to a motorcycle accident, they had to find him a bigger bed..and when the doctor asked how much he weighed because that fact was needed for medication, he didn't answer, and the doctor asked "300? 325? more?" and he still didn't answer, and the doctor made a face and seemed very frustrated.
Last edited by VermontMom; 06-18-2012 at 09:20 AM.
It has taken me a long time to decide to respond to this post..I am so glad you did, Guac, though I am sorry you are in the situation (Losermom, you too! :hug) I have wanted to talk of this situation but was afraid I'd be bashed for it. My DH is dangerously overweight ( 6' and somewhere over 350)
He does not acknowledge his size to me, only once in his life did he say 'I'm overweight'. I am afraid for being called selfish here, that I want him to be healthy, for our life together! I tend to think of worse-case scenarios and I see early death and then loneliness for me, or stroke/disabilty for him and a struggle and lessened life-enjoyement for me. So yes I sound self-centered but as a spouse it does affect me.
He does most of the cooking, if I do the cooking, he will certainly eat it and compliment it, but have bigger portions, and more food later. I do not buy ice cream or cookies or chips or such. He does though. I don't know what he eats at work or on the way home. I have asked that he do something like South Beach with me but he really didn't answer. I have NEVER nagged or even said anything at all about his weight because when I was overweight, he always said I was beautiful I have asked in the evenings 'lets take a walk?' but he doesnt want to..too tired, etc.
I admit I increased life insurance because of my fears.
He always compliments me on my exercising (almost daily) and compliments me on my muscles and my recent weight loss.
When he was in the hospital briefly last year due to a motorcycle accident, they had to find him a bigger bed..and when the doctor asked how much he weighed because that fact was needed for medication, he didn't answer, and the doctor asked "300? 325? more?" and he still didn't answer, and the doctor made a face and seemed very frustrated.
Holly, in no way are you selfish! You want what's best for him and your life together. You want him to feel good and be able to enjoy life together. I too have added as much life insurance on my husband as we can afford. We certainly can't do it for them. I guess that all we can do is lead by example. You're not alone and no one would bash you for your feelings. Your feelings are valid.
I introduced my husband to MyFitnessPal since I was using it and so far he likes it and has already lost 3 lbs. I suggested it to him in a non threatening way by saying "wouldn't it be cool to know how much you are eating on regular day" Now it is like a game to him. He hasn't changed his diet too much (he eats a 500 calorie muffin for breakfast everyday, sigh) but he is now more aware of how much he is eating and muffin aside he's making better choices.
I agree: You can't be directly responsible for someone else's weight/health/diet, not someone who isn't a small child or something.
There isn't much anyone can do for anyone else other than providing support and avoiding sabotage. :l
I had someone bring my weight up to me (pretty delicately, though) at about 198 lbs. It made no impression other than that I was a bit embarrased and didn't want to talk about it. I knew I was unhealthy and needed to lose weight. However, I wasn't ready and they couldn't make me. Nine pounds heavier and I was ready all on my own.
And OP, just like you can't make him healthier, you also didn't make him unhealthy.
Last edited by LiannaKole; 06-21-2012 at 01:50 AM.
thanks losermom!!! and LiannaKole's remark, so true.
fluffykat, that was a great idea of yours and I'm glad your DH picked up on it!! possibly mine would too..he loves gadgets and apps and such. I was SO amazed and happy about a year ago, when he bought an expensive treadmill and converted it to a 'working desk' at his work. But he does not use it.
I have asked in the evenings 'lets take a walk?' but he doesnt want to..too tired, etc. 
and LiannaKole's remark, so true. 
