i just can. not. get. my. eating. under. control. seriously. these days eating completely consumes me. i have a sick relationship with food and just can't stop binging. back in march i started religiously counting calories (approx. 1200-1300 a day, i'm a bit of a perfectionist, with dieting it's either all or nothing :/) and got down to 187 from 203. anndd then i started to get a little too comfortable with myself. so i started going off my diet..having 'cheat days', not counting calories, drinking a little too much..and here i am back at 200. fml. i've always had problems with food and have been overweight my whole life, but recently i feel like its taking over my life. since feb i've been staying home with my son, i've had to stop working due to a childcare issue, and this obviously exacerbates the issue as we are home about 90% of the time. and i feel like a terrible mother because i rarely have energy to play with him or take him to the park, which makes me depressed and in turn i want to eat even more..i eat when i'm bored, depressed, happy, sad, anxious..honestly don't know what to do at this point. i feel like i will be obese, unhappy, and out of energy for the rest of my life. my eating habits are starting to affect my son, as he is getting a little overweight for his age. i don't want him to deal with the same problems i had to being obese my whole life, not one bit. i would feel absolutely awful to him to grow up the way i have..i know i need help, but i am uninsured and pretty much broke so therapy is not an option..i guess i'm just looking for some words of encouragement..i wonder if things will ever get better. i know things are supposed to get better when you hit rock bottom but i've been stuck here for quite some time. thanks all for listening to my sob story, i just needed to let this out. nobody, not even my family, know about my binge/overeating issue because really i'm too ashamed to talk about it. i appreciate any input..

i never really let my family know about my food addiction either. its extremely embarrassing to talk about, and until i found this site i felt very alone when it came to talking about my weight and what caused it.

good luck on your weight loss journey, things may not always get better, at least in my experience, but it comforts me to know that i have one thing in my life that i can control completely, my diet. i have also just started recently, and i feel great. after you get into the swing of things, you will too. dont get discouraged.

It's like you took a a portion of my life and made it into your post. (besides I dont have a child that is)

I have major issues with binging so I know how you feel. I cant talk about it with anyone because all of my friends are either normal weight or not nearly as big as I am. And I really cant/wont talk to my parents about it. I cant. I feel like I've also hit rock bottom but even though I feel that way it does not stop me from eating. I sometimes just wish that whatever it is in my brain that makes me eat just stops working or shuts off.

If you need anyone to talk to about it i'm always just a PM away.. (Not that i can help myself but talking about the issues seems to help some.)

I spent most of my life in binge cycles. A few months ago, I got it under control. I still have my moments, but they are nothing like they used to be. You know what really helped me? Picturing my kids. I wondered how they would feel seeing mommy stuff her face until I felt sick and then cry or throw it up. I pictured them doing this, especially my daughter since I wasn't that much older than she is now when I started. It killed me. I felt so ashamed and instead of running to food, I walked away.

I chew gum, drink water. I exercise late at night. I will do anything I can not to binge. It's always going to be the skeleton in my closet, the little voice tell me to f it and lose control. But I won't. Because I am better than that and so are you. You are stronger than your addiction. You just have to believe it.

Something that really helps me not to binge (and especially purge) is putting it in the context of how wasteful it is. Doing a quick budget made me realize that I was wasting a ton of money by eating way more than I needed. I felt like every time I binged I was just throwing away money that I could be using for other things. It also seemed like such a waste of perfectly good food. Yes, it's true I was eating it, and to some extent enjoying it, but considering how awful I feel physically and emotionally after a binge as well as by taking the "binging is wasteful" midset, I realized that by eating so much in one sitting is not worth it.

very inspirational words, thank you and thanks to the rest of you for your supportive suggestions

I remember sneak eating at the age of 8, and then going into bingeing as from 13 on, till Dec 31, 2011. I cannot say exactly how it stopped, because a number of things happened around the same time:
1- At meal time, I started to stop eating when I was not hungry any more, instead of stuffing my stomach.
2- When I felt I was losing control and going into a binge, I stopped to think why I was doing that. I used to try to do this and never succeeded in stopping, but now instead of asking myself about a logical reason, I asked myself about an emotion: what am I feeling and why am I feeling that way? I started to work on the feeling instead of eating.
3- I stopped snacking. Just breakfast, lunch and dinner. And I learned I can be hungry for some time and wait till I get home to eat a healthy meal; I can survive without chips, sweets or sodas.
4- I started to accept that I have an eating disorder and that I needed help and could also give support. This site has a lot to do with my recovery, because when I felt I was losing control I came here, read and published. It helped me go through my "detox". Last year at this time of the day I was surely eating cookies; now I am reading about you, people, and reflecting on this condition and on the fact that we never fully recover. I haven't binged in four and a half months, but I know I MAY do it again.
Hope some of those combined factors help you find your own way out of the maze we all build around us. Don't be afraid to live without food. It is as scary and difficult as it is now, only healthier, and once you lose the weight, happier!

you've been given some great ideas.

I feel your pain, as I have gone from the 180s back to 200.

I was trying to soothe myself with food, while going through alot of negative emotions. I agree, you must get to the bottom of the emotions, and realize FOOD does not REALLY help with the emotions. It is like a bandaid on a hole in a dam.

You need another outlet for those emotions besides food.

I also agree picturing what friends/family would feel when they saw you binging would be good. I always picture myself as rat huddled in a corner destroying the food supply of the house, because if any body started my way, I would immediately try to hide my behavior or the stash.

I started to binge and purge when I was in my teens, and my mother would yell at me that we didn't have enough food in the house for me to act like that. So there is always shame associated with it, rather than just personal shame.

Overeaters Anonymous meetings are free.

If you ate enough healthy food in the first place you probably wouldn't have the urge for frequent jail-break binges.

Bingo! It's hard to stuff your face when you are always satisfied.

Also keep junk foods out of your house. Never heard of someone binging on a salad with tomatos, zucchini, ground flax seeds, olive oil, kale, spinach leaves, spring mix, bell pepper & avocado with a piece of fresh fish or grilled chicken.

i think that's pretty obvious

So why don't you?

stephaniegee - your post really makes me want to cry because I can really relate to it. I also stopped working last year and was taking care of my youngest son who has some severe behavioral issues full time. My days revolved around taking him to various therapy appointments six days a week (this was during the 2010-2011 school year). I was so stressed and also kind of going through an identity crisis, as this was the first time I had not worked and been a stay at home mom. I used to plan binges/treats for myself around my son's appointments. Depending on the length of his appointment, I would scope out the nearest restaurant, convenience store, coffee shop, etc. that would get me a food fix and back in time to pick up my son.

This time was often the only time I had to myself the entire day and I chose to spend it eating junk. I would often plan out the next day's food excursion during my current episode. I felt great while I was eating, but horrible afterward. I was obese and had no energy for my kids. I remember trying to get my son to take naps when we were at home so that I could nap beside him (he was 4 or 5 and beyond the napping stage). Sometimes I would set him beside me with toys or a movie while I closed my eyes after coming down from a huge sugar rush.

All I can say is that I started making changes one at a time. I didn't overhaul my eating all at once. You can do this! It's so worth it. Every once in awhile I still binge (usually around PMS time or a stressful event). I am reminded how horrible I feel afterwards. It feels so much better to be in control. One change at a time.

You've got to break the cycle. You are worth it! Get the junk out of your house. It isn't doing you any favors. It only makes your life harder. Don't buy it anymore. I have a CSA bring my fruits and veggies to my door partly because I want to minimize the amount of time I spend in grocery stores. I refuse to step foot in the inner aisles, when I'm there. I don't need that kind of temptation in my life. There is nothing in there that my body needs.

Fill you fridge with good, fresh, whole, healthy options. Fill up on them and your body won't crave the junk. It's VERY hard at first, but once you get past the initial withdrawl from the sugar and processed stuff, it becomes much easier.

I tried and tried and tried to lose weight on a low calorie diet... but my body just becomes too addicted to the processed carbs and sugars, that I can't be trusted to just eat whatever I want in moderation. I'm sure this is the case for a lot of people. As long as I'm on plan, and not eating processed foods, I have zero urge to binge or overeat.

You can do this!!!