This first week of calorie counting is really kicking my ***. Then again, I went from probably 3K calories per day all the way down to around 1400. Worst part: I set my upper caloric limit at 1,700-- I just haven’t been hitting it for some stupid reason. And yesterday I topped out at 1290, which seemed like a good idea at the time, except now I’d willingly eat the contents of a garbage can if I didn’t think anyone was watching.

I’m so tired of being fat though. Last night I came across an old picture I took at the beginning of one of my many diets. When I first saw it I thought, “wow, I was HUGE in that photo… what the heck did I weigh?!”. So I found the log to go with it (I guess I save these things to torture myself with later on) and discovered I was 215 pounds when the picture was taken. That’s 14 pounds less than I weighed at the beginning of this week!

I’m just sick of spinning my wheels when it comes to this subject. I wish I could take back the countless hours I’ve spent worrying & berating myself & feeling like people are judging me based on physical appearance. I try not to let it stop me from going out there and living a meaningful life… and it hasn’t really, but that doesn’t mean I don’t obsess over it on a daily basis.

But my other options are… what? Starving all the time? Feeling like a miserable out-of-sorts shrew? Or a basket case? Or like I’ll never look in the mirror and like what I see ever again? It’s just so effing hard… I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Sometimes I feel like David taking on Goliath: it just seems impossible.

I think you need to find a happy medium - you don't have to be the weight you are at and you don't need to starve yourself.

Something that might help is PRE-PLANNING your daily meals so you are at a higher no. than your current 1290 - that way you know what you are going to be eating in advance and you can make sure you wont starve or eat 3k cals. I think going from 3k to 1700 is a huge difference and you will see results but if you suddenly drop from 3k to 1200 it's going to be too low at first. You just have to find your happy medium in this - don't give up!

But David conquered Goliath! You just made the perfect analogy without realizing it. You said it SEEMS impossible. Not that it IS impossible. You can do this. Just one day at a time.

Lin

Its hard, I know you're just starting. Like previous poster said, find your happy medium. take it day by day and before you know it, you'll see something on the scale to motivate you, I promise you can do it!

Ugh I know what you mean! I just tell myself that misery burns no cals and weight loss will take a looong looong time and maintenance is forever, so I will try to feel as calm as possible, and steady myself if I feel too terrible. I tell myself I can do all the physical things to lose the weight, and I will, but I can either do it really unhappy and scared or I can do it calmer and feeling at least OK on most days. I would love to feel estatic but that requires a lot of Nutella.

lm3898 – Thanks for the advice. You’re absolutely right in that I need to strike a balance. And planning out my calories in advance would be much better than the flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants approach I’ve taken so far.

linJber – I made sure to put the seems impossible. I’m certain if I put my mind to it I can do it, it’s just the process that sucks. It’s like staring at a rubix cube and knowing the solution is in there somewhere-- you just can’t see it at that moment.

alitorry – Thanks for the encouragement, I needed it!

pixelllate – You’re absolutely right, I need to calm myself down instead of working myself up. I always was my own worst enemy. Nutella… yum!

I know how you feel!! I am a month into this and I feel like I am never going to get anywhere...

Your post reminds me of that quote, "come tomorrow, you will wish you had started today." I know how you feel - you beat yourself up for not getting on with it, but then it's not like it's that easy. I've been at this for about 6 weeks now and am only NOW feeling "in the groove." I was really flailing around there for a while, eating well for half the day then throwing it out the window at night. It can take time to get your mind in the game but keep trying! It will happen.

Ugh I really identify, too. I keep doing this to myself. I start to watch what I'm eating and do what I know I need to do, I lose some weight, it's not too hard to stay generally on plan and I think, "Why haven't I been doing this all along??" Then, I start to feel pretty good. I get into a smaller size, I start feeling a lot more confident. And...I backslide. I think: "I'll just have a couple glasses of wine- I don't want to restrict myself too much, that's not reasonable. I don't want to live a life where I can never have wine. I've done so well, I can have one really bad day where I eat half a cake, and it won't probably even make me gain a pound. I mean, really, I can probably have a really bad week where I eat out every night and order the fattiest thing on the menu and it won't make me gain more than a COUPLE of pounds..."And then I put it all back on and it just seems like a nightmare to take it off again.

A couple weeks ago I was going through my "feeling pretty good about myself" phase and had put on this outfit that I thought was really cute when I looked at myself in the mirror at home. I was walking by a building later that day and I saw myself in the window and I looked...horrible. I told my husband, "You know, I think I look pretty good, because I do look a lot better than when I was 240, but I'm still a 210 lb woman!"

I've got to stick with it this time. Slow and steady, you guys! Just got to keep on plugging away.

Yep. I've been planning my food for almost five years and I still don't understand how people can just eat whatever whenever with no plan and stay both satisfied and within a healthy calorie range.

When I started I would plan out to a T what I was going to eat the following day: Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack.

Now it's more flexible (usually breakfast, dinner and my last snack aren't planned) but I do keep them within the same calorie range everyday because I have homemade freezer meals for dinner and a mental database of quick dinners that I like, easy and fast on-the-go breakfasts, and go-to snacks that work for me. They all stay in the same calorie range, ie breakfast will almost always be 175-250 calories, lunch is 100-175 calories, dinner is 300-400 calories, etc.

I don't blame you for hating it. On some level I think we all do, at least some of the time. But you definitely don't need to starve yourself, and in fact I'd strongly advise against it. If I had to starve myself to lose 55 pounds last year and maintain the loss, I would willingly choose staying fat.

I suggest you pick a reasonable caloric target, perhaps 1,600 calories per day, and build some indulgences into your regimen. The idea is to minimize the sense of deprivation. As the saying goes, "the best plan is the one you can follow." Same goes for exercise. Countless articles tell me I should be doing weight training, but right now jogging and brisk walking are what work for me, so that's what I'm doing.

I know you can do this and I'm confident it won't be torture!

F.

p.s. I'm also a big Nutella fan -- one of those people who can eat a 400 g container in one sitting. I NEVER thought I'd be able to say this, but I'm now able to keep a big jar of it in a kitchen cupboard without obsessing about it or dipping into it (except when it's part of a meal). I keep it because my kids like it on toast in the morning.

Some people just don't like food as much as we do.

<<They all stay in the same calorie range, ie breakfast will almost always be 175-250 calories, lunch is 100-175 calories, dinner is 300-400 calories, etc.>>

This seems extremely low. I hope you're supplementing with snacks.

F.

You've received some awesome advice! Someone here has a great line in their ticker, "I can't lose 100 lbs but I can lose 10 lbs, 10 times". I broke my weight loss into 5 lb increments and it really helped, especially in those early days when it was all ahead of me! Soon, I as at 25%, then 50%.. now past 75%. And focusing on other healthy habits (mine are yoga, harp and cycling) help me not obsess quite so much about my weight and food all the time. Good luck! You will get there. The head game is as much a part of this as the food and exercise!

I spent countless years of my life hating how fat I was. Starting and failing at countless crazy diets. This time I knew it was not a diet but a lifestyle change and it is hard. It took a long time and I still screw up on a daily basis and I personally need to get back onto my food plan.
Below is a post that really inspired me, I printed it out and have it taped where I can easily read it. When I am having a bad day, week, whatever, I read it over and it motivates me. I did not write it but I hope that it helps you.

I'm sorry, I should have specified those who are trying to lose weight.

Yep, my snacks are sometimes higher in calories than my meals, and I eat them daily. 3 meals, 3 snacks. I try to balance it out - If I pick a low calorie soup from my freezer for lunch, I usually have a higher calorie dinner. I'm super, super short so my calorie range is 1000-1200.