Hi all, sorry I haven't been back for a while (again). This time I have a good reason, things have been really hectic, I was finally able to find a part time job that was willing to work with my hours, the money isn't great, but the manager is my friend, and she is going to work with me and train me to be an opener, which should give me a decent raise in about a month. I start on Tuesday, so I have been trying to get everything squared away with my mom and MIL, for watching Katie. I dread the thought of leaving her, but, there is no help for it right now. We just can't make ends meet on DH's salary, and the travel business is just not moving right now. I have people asking for quotes all the time, then deciding later that with the threat of war, terrorism, the economy... now just isn't the time to travel! So, back to work I go I mean, I trust my mom and MIL, but, the thought of being away from her for 9 hours at a time, when I have been her main caretaker for the past almost 5 months, is just horrible. So I have been really stressing about that. Thankfully, I only have to work 3 days a week, and dh will be with her on 1 of the three.

Now, before this gets to much longer, my complaint. It hit me today, that for the past several years ( ok, honestly for the past 9 years ) I have been happily dealing with people saying "oh you don't look that bad" or "oh you don't look that heavy" and I realized today for the first time, that I am sick of not looking THAT bad, or THAT heavy. I used to take that as a compliment, and for the first time I realized that it really isn't! They are trying to be nice, but I don't want to be not THAT heavy anymore, or to have my butt look not THAT big. I want to look good, I want to look healthy and slim. When I tell people I am trying to lose weight, I want them to say why, you look great as you are, not why you're not that big!
Anyway, thanks for listening, I apologize for the long post, but I am sure someone can relate.
Please send happy thoughts my way on Tuesday, as I leave my baby for the first time.

Nicole
272/262/160

Nicole....I promise you Katie will be just fine! She will do better than you that first day apart!

I know exactly how you feel Nic about going back to work and leaving the baby in someone else's care. I felt the same way a few months ago but in the long run I have to admit that it has been good for both of us even though I would still rather be looking after him 24/7. We have the most important jobs in the world, being mothers, and no one appreciates it.

I know how hard it is going back to work, after being able to stay home with your children. I am preparing myself to do it again after three years of being home, and I am kind of struggling. Remember that this will not only be good for Katie, but her grandmothers as well. They will bond and become much closer.

I know how bad the travel industry is being hit (my dh works for an airline). Keep your chin up and hang in there. It will have to come back up some time. I don't see the travel industry, or airline industry folding completely.

mommy blues...I know them well. I envy you for having grandmas who can watch him and for only having to work part time. Jacob goes to daycare (a GREAT daycare...but still) and I work 5 days a week. I know it'll be hard, but it'll all work out, I promise.