I have done well so far on weight loss. I rarely stray from my calorie limit and do not miss workouts unless weather or work gets in the way, and that is exceptionally rare. I have been lucky because I rarely have cravings of any kind, and sometimes I don't even miss the old foods I used to scarf down daily. I like that I am eating healthy.

Lately though, probably because it's Easter and because I'm thinking about both my upcoming birthday and vacation, I have been thinking about eating something I really, really want. I don't feel guilty about having one day off. And surprisingly, there hasn't been a food I really, really want...if I'm letting myself off the hook, it needs to be for something good.

Anyway, I was thinking today that I would like some grilled chicken from El Pollo Loco, one of my faves. Not the healthiest, but not the worst I could do either. A normal person would think "I'm going to order a 2- or 3-piece meal with two individual sides". But what do I think? I think about ordering the 8-piece meal with two large sides, and maybe a chicken burrito, so I could eat all day long.

Why can't I just be happy with a normal-sized meal that would satisfy the cravings of your typical person?? Why do I want to order two dinners when I think about takeout from Outback or Carrabbas? Or two sandwiches when a normal person woul be fine with a 6-inch sub? I don't typically eat it all, but will eat most of what s in front of me. I would order three dishes for Cinese takeout, and eat all day, rather than having a combo meal like a normal person.

Same thing with donuts, where I would buy half or even a whole dozen...wouldn't eat all of them, but would eat most. Other people would have one donut, maybe two, and be set til lunch or dinner. I'm a freak.

Why do I think this way, even after successfully being able to manage portions for nearly 38 weeks. I always go back to overeating. I'm going to a counselor, but I still just get so irritated with my stupidity.

It's not your stupidity, and you aren't alone. I have the same problem. While you can't help the feelings you have about food you can control what you do to respond to them. I have a dialogue with the person inside me who always wants to overeat. I tell her firmly that "No, I will not eat that" and make healthy choices. It's something I have struggled with all my life and still do not completely understand. *Hugs*

P.S.- You've lost a heck of a lot of weight and are totally inspiring to me. You should celebrate how far you've come.

You are most definitely not a freak. I think that way, to a point, as well. I can control my intake with foods that aren't my favorite much more than foods I really really enjoy. I know our food issues aren't the exact same thing as say someone with a drinking problem, BUT, my sister (as an example, and her and I have spoken about this extensively) is a binge drinker. She speaks about her uncontrollable consumption of alcohol as I speak about my uncontrollable consumption of food. She cannot, and I mean CANNOT have even one sip or it turns into a full out drunken blackout by the end of the night. So she doesn't drink, ever, anymore. While I, of course, can't just stop eating, I have to be seriously mindful of WHAT I'm eating because I have "trigger" foods. If I think about them I always think about over eating them because I don't just want 12 doritos (or whatever the serving size is) I want the whole bag.

No one would say to my sister "you need to learn how do have just one drink", no she just can't drink at all. I have come to the conclusion that I may never be able to have "normal" thoughts about certain types of food, and the important thing is just to know your triggers.

Oh man, if I could? I'd stuff my face with massive amounts of food, much the same types as you're talking about. That desire hasn't gone away just because I've reformed my habits for a few years. The difference now is that I say no to myself and act like an adult instead of a two year old - I exercise self control and seek to enjoy less. But if there were no ramifications? I wouldn't be able to talk around the donut crumbs

It does get easier with time, but if it ever goes away I haven't hit that point yet.

I have very similar food issues. One of something or a serving of something was never enough. I still have a problem of buying everything in twos, even healthy stuff because I'm afraid one won't be enough. There is almost a moment of panic thinking I'm not going to get enough. I have learned to control my actions, but the thoughts are still very much there.

There is nothing at all wrong with you! I have days (a lot of them) where I will eat dinner, go sit down on my sofa to watch tv and start thinking about what I am going to eat next. Or I focus on one thing I really want and I must have it, I won't stop obsessing over it until it drives me almost crazy. There used to be days where I would buy a bag of lipton fettuccine alfredo and eat the whole bag and that's 4 servings per bag.

You are not alone, promise!

I think this is something we all deal with. Take tonight with me, made tacos for me an kids. What did I do? Well I decided to use doritos instead of the taco shells, and ended up having 2 bowls instead of 1. Tacos are a weakness for me.

Last week we went to Subway, I ordered a 6 inch turkey and cheese. I sipped root beer out of my daughters drink so I wouldnt drink a whole one by myself, AND I took of the top part of the bun and tossed it.

In conclusion, we all have good and bad days. I think it will get easier, but I doubt it will ever go away. Take what LockItUp said, her sister cant just have 1 drink. We are food addicts, and unfortunately we all need food to survive, so we have to learn to separate our need from our wants. It is hard hun, and there will be ups and downs, but dont beat yourself up.

As a former drinker and smoker, I can tell you I had a much easier time kicking both of those addictions than I have with food. Probably because you can cut alcohol and smoking out completely, but you can't exactly do that with food. You need to eat in order to live, and unhealthy food is so readily available and so much more socially acceptable than other addictions.

My cravings have gotten better over time, but it doesn't mean I still don't spend way too much time being preoccupied over food, feeling tempted, fantasizing, wanting to give in. I want to eat three slices of pizza instead of one. I want to buy that package of sugar cookies coated with frosting instead of the fresh fruit and greek yogurt. I want to order that bacon cheeseburger instead of the grilled chicken salad.

I was in tears last night because I'd planned out a meal from KFC, only to find out that they no longer make the (320 calorie) Honey BBQ sandwich. I immediately left rather than taking the chance of saying, "screw it, might as well get whatever and not worry about the calories just this once." Those pot pies they have now already looked tempting, but for me at least, one bad choice leads to another and it might have been the start of a downward spiral.

I think a few of the things that really encourage me is knowing it gets easier over time even if it never completely goes away, and that I need to make these healthier choices every day of my life in order to reap the benefits that I want. And I have to keep the benefits a priority over what might taste good in this moment.

It sucks, but it is what it is. I try to focus on the good that food can physically do for my body rather than the emotional fix, as that seems to help me better than the negativity of getting upset over constantly having to deny myself.

Good luck to you.

i've had *fantasies* about stuff like that but, like 99% of my fantasies, i know darned well it wouldn't be half as enjoyable in real life as it is in my head. just because you're fantasizing about something doesn't mean you'd REALLY have sex on a public beach with a total stranger bearing a remarkable resemblance to george clooney or chain yourself to an old-growth tree or put a gun to the head of that stupid jerk who just cut you off on the freeway. just because it's in your head doesn't mean you're failing - it just means you have an interseting internal monologue.

that's why i'd just go ahead and order a small meal - you'll probably find yourself stuffed to the gills and more than over it.