Hi,

Ever notice that you can lose the weight but can't change your looks?

I'm feeling hopelessly ugly these days..I'm also remembering some of the reasons why I gained weight to begin with. Feels hopeless to keep trying..I realize this sounds very shallow and vain. I am aware of the benefits to my health by losing weight..

My body is so weird..at least in my super fatness I could hid it better. The more I lose weight the more "real" body emerges..and its kinda of a let down..

Not everyone it beautiful... everyone can lose weight if they want..
but you can't change how beautiful, pretty, attractive you are.....

Any thoughts on this?

Ever watch the t.v. show "How do I look?" Forget that they throw out an old wardrobe--that is small potatoes. They change the hair style, sometimes the color and redo the makeup and---voila---amazing transformation. Follow this link in particular and see a young lady named Sakari. All she needed was a hairdo and makeup to take her from....before....to AMAZING. Okay, the clothing didn't hurt either. Mind you--she lost NO weight. Same size; completely different girl after. You can be amazing. Maybe you are already amazing and just don't know it. We are our own worst critics.

http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/photo...UUID=167#12218

You can change anything you want about your looks. Clothes. Makeup. Hair style. Hair color. Those are easy. Losing weight is harder...and so is surgery (boobs, nose, filler, botox, lifts, tucks, etc.) but those also are options.

Don't be so uncomfortable in your own skin that you call yourself ugly. Tight hugs to you.

You won't know how you actually look (especially your body) unless you've lost all the weight that you plan on losing. Go look at the board in Maintainers about Body Image. Most people there still suffer from 'phantom fat' or poor body image too, but a lot of them are no longer as low as when they first began the weight loss journey. They rebuilt parts of their self-esteem during their journey of weight loss. Some still have that niggling voice in the back of their heads but at least now its easier to drown it out. ****, I have that voice - I think its that voice that got us to our heaviest! You may not build your self confidence up completely but hopefully by the end of your journey you will be in a better place than when you began, just like those people in Maintainers.

Don't give up and don't give in to those voices. We're here for you.

I always feel this way. Whenever I read a post about how the women here hate all the attention men give them now that they are thin I want to seriously cry because no men ever hit on me, not at nearly 200 pounds and not now, at almost 150. Some people have to be the unattractive ones, and unfortenately I'm one of them.

Honestly? With the right hair/makeup and clothes you can look AMAZING. I'm a big fan of all those makeover reality shows (What not to wear is probably my favorite, though). They're fun to watch and it just goes to show that the way you take care of yourself and carry yourself makes a HUGE difference.

Sure, we might not all look like supermodels but that would be boring. That doesn't mean that we can't find a partner to love and cherish us for who we are.

I know this is going to sound cheesy but I find my husband attractive no matter his weight, no matter what he's wearing because I know HIM. HE's what I was attracted to in the first place, his personality, his humor, the whole package. I do find him physically attractive but I'm sure not every women out there does (and I'm pretty thankful for that honestly! ). We don't NEED to be attractive to everyone, that's an impossibly high standard. What we do need to do is learn to love ourselves (seriously, I know it's not always the easiest thing in the world..) but focus on your good qualities, we ALL have them.

Being perceived as beautiful is more about grooming than raw material.

I understand. I am not an attractive person, and I'm aware of it. Mostly I go through life okay with that, except for on the occasion where some unkind person feels the need to point out that I'm unattractive.

But you know, some of the most interesting people I've ever met weren't really attractive, but they just were magnetic. I've particularly met a lot of women 50+ that had reached the point where they were just comfortable with themselves and even if their teeth were messed up or they had aged poorly and were all wrinkly, they were just so darned interesting. I think I'd rather be interesting and surrounded with friends than attractive anyway. So that's my goal. LOL.

first of all, if that's your pic, I very much disagree.

I do think people pick up on whether we think we're attractive or not, and react accordingly. most of us fall into a middle category between hideously ugly and hottest of goddesses.

I totally agree with the rest of your post, about magnetism and strength of personality. We all have to make the most of what we have, accentuate our positives. a good spirit goes a long way too.

Well:

1. At 240 you're still a long way from looking how you'll look at 160.
2. Even if you are ugly - so what? It might make some things more difficult and some people might be jerks to you about it, but being ugly doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that you're doomed to a bad life. You're probably average or above average in other qualities that you can use to get what you need and want.
3. The other posters are right - even if you don't magically start looking like a supermodel, a good haircut, some flattering clothing, and some tasteful makeup can really highlight a person's best attributes. And personality and confidence do count for a lot in how people perceive each other.

I also disagree. I also don't think aka8941 is ugly, either. You guys are too hard on yourselves.

They say "we are our own worst critics" and its true. Things we see in the mirror and look way too closely at are things that most people arent giving a second look.

I think as a child I was loved too much or something, and now sometimes I'm overconfident, lol. Even now, even at my heaviest, I would still be all 'ooo, good hair day!' or 'im so cute!' or pretty or whatever. I talk myself up to myself, because who else is gonna do it? If no one wants to be my cheerleader, I WILL BE MY CHEERLEADER, because darnit, I'm awesome.

Tell yourself that. Tell yourself how awesome/pretty/hot/wonderful you are every.single.day. And MEAN IT. You can change your outlook on things, but it is all - just like weightloss - up to YOU.



And I have to agree with the above posters, go out and get yo' hair did! Go to a makeup counter (or sephora) and have them do your makeup how it should be done, not just how you've always done it. Hair can change a person, and make you feel 1000% better about yourself!

HAD TO RESPOND....

How do you define "unattractive"? Who set the definition? AND WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO THEM? Beauty comes in all forms, I may not be Julia Roberts beautiful but I'm my kind of beautiful. I think my nose is to big, my eyebrows too thick and my eyes are too far apart but I am still BEAUTIFUL in the way that God intended.

Don't mean to get preachy but there's a scripture that says "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." I believe that...although I may not look like any of the magazine covers.

I feel that way too. I always felt like once I finished losing weight beauty would come with that. But now that I've been losing weight I've sort of been hyper aware of how other people look, and I realized, almost no one is "perfectly beautiful". I talked to my boyfriend about it and he was basically like "well, duh!" but I never realized it. I think everyone is way too hard on themselves. I know I definitely am. I mean, heck, I'm halfway to my goal and when I look in the mirror I don't see a difference! What does that tell you about me?

I also agree with the other replies; clothes/makeup/hair styles can really change how you look. I don't enjoy wearing makeup but I do feel prettier when I wear it. Who knows, maybe when I hit goal I'll buy one of those expensive makeup kits. :P

Call me odd but I thought Sakari looked dead cute in the before picture, in fact better than in the after one!

Someone said (hate that but I cannot recall... romance author, always wore pink and was chubby) "You can either look fat or old". I tested this out on a lot of friends who said that they would prefer to look old. At 60, losing weight and seeing the jowls and armwings flapping alarmingly with each pound lost, I am resigned to looking old. Why? Because I am getting old and that is just fine. Looking fat is not what bothers me, though. I am not losing weight to look better (good thing you may say!) I am losing it to be fitter and healthier.

No one should think themselves ugly, no matter what. Attractiveness is so subjective and often based on wrong principles ... mostly to do with which particular brandname wants to make money out of people's self-image misconceptions.

I am not attractive in any sense and every now and then I feel bad in my clothes, then I remind myself I am my own worst enemy. My partner adores me and if I think less of myself than she does, I am insulting her by dismissing her opinion and feelings.

Be kinder to yourself. You don't have to primp and turn out like Miss World. If that is all on which a mate bases his or her attraction to you then it is superficial. Hackneyed as it may be, the real gorgeous you is what a true partner will see, and that is really all you need on display and not covered in cosmetics!

You probably just need a makeover to bring out your best features. If you've lost the weight, you deserve it. Treat yourself to a new hair colour/style, new clothes, and start wearing some makeup. I think you can take inexpensive makeup application classes if you're not too sure how to put it on. It's easy