So, I was a chubby teenager and then as I got into college started lossing weight and now after two children I am in the best shape of my life. Last week I was on the phone with my mom who lives overseas and she told me my dad had found a photo of me in high school and I looked so chubby. She said she was so proud of me and I look so beautiful now and have come into my own. Great, happy dance!
Today we were on the phone again and I had sent her some photos of the kids and she asked if I had lost weight. I said no. She said in one of the photos I looked scary thin and anorexic. She actually said she couldn't look at it cause it scared her! HUH?
My mom really hurt my feelings although I know why she said the things she said. Reverse Psychology, its her game. She said that so I would feel bad and gain weight. A photo though is just a photo and sometimes we look so different, right? I mean I am not photogenic at all and for that reason there was only one photo sent and it was my son on my lap so you couldn't even see my body. Apparently my arms looked too skinny.
I just feel like every time I go home which is once a year the only thing people comment about is my weight so naturally I want to look good. But if I look thin they all have something to say. Ironically I have been the same weight for the last three years! People are so judgemntal and so nasty. I say back home cause I live in a new town where nobody knows me so they can't judge me.
I get so mad because I feel like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. Why do I care what people think? Why do their opinions matter? I'm old enough to know who I am but I feel like my entire existance is based on my weight sometimes. People always talk about it when I'm around. I went to my high school 15 year reunion this June back home and felt amazing. My dress was so pretty and I had tanned. So I walked in and nobody recognised me? And then one girl actually came up to me and asked if I was "OK" Are you kidding me? she ruined my evening. Oh, and let me tell you half the girls there were super skinny, excuse me did she go up to them and ask them if they we "ok" as if to say are you "Sick?" or dying? Or was it just me cause I was the fat kid (which by the way in the FaceBook photos they posted they actually mentioned that.) Yes, I was the fat kid that everybody teased, and yes I did go to all the dances alone, yes I did cry everyday for a year cause I was bullied for being fat.
Sorry for the rant but I worked and work very hard to look this way and its never enough.
So part of me wants to say "BITE ME" and the other part makes me want to sit and cry cause I am human with feelings but being fat wasn't good enough and apparently neither is thin.

How tall are you and how much do you weigh, now ?

I've had people say all sorts of mean and nasty things about my weight/weight loss efforts. I've had people indirectly imply that I was fat and I've had others tell me not to lose anymore weight because 'being thin wouldn't suit me.'

I can't tell you why people say these things, I certainly didn't feel it was out of spite or jealousy but I will repeat the same old mantra that helped me brush off their comments.

IT'S YOUR BODY, THEREFORE IT'S YOUR CHOICE. You should be losing weight/dieting/toning up because it's what you want. Not what anyone else wants so don't let them dictate how you should look and behave just because you've exceeded their expectations.

I've had some mean and insulting things thrown my way as well when people see me after not having seen me for awhile. I've been called: underweight, rail-thin, skinny, etc. I'm like: 'shut the heck up because you have no clue what you're talking about' - in my mind, not literally.

As far as I'm concerned as long as my ribs aren't showing, hipbones and collarbone are not sticking out, my face doesn't look gaunt and I don't feel faint or weak, then I'm fine. BTW, my doctor says I'm healthy as a horse, lol.

Only you know the truth. My suggestion is to try to block them out as much as you can. Surround yourself with people that celebrate the new you as opposed to bringing you down.

You are a grown woman with children. Your mom has no place commenting on your weight like that. It's one thing if you are actually hurting yourself, but you're not. She does not need to give you an opinion on your weight every time she sees an image of you. You need to set up some boundaries and enforce them.

I suspect that if you've always been overweight and your mom has always commented on it, you discuss every pound you lose as a way to get approval and validation from her. Stop. Don't discuss your weight loss with her, it just invites her to comment.

When she brings it up, good or bad, you need to tell her that you don't want to discuss it with her, you're happy with how things are. If she keeps it up, get off the phone. She will learn pretty quickly that this topic is off limits.

That whole "you were so fat then, but you look great NOW and I'm proud of you NOW' business is at best insensitive and at worst, outright manipulative. You're an ADULT. Your weight is NONE OF HER BUSINESS. Remind her of that.

Your mom may be an otherwise very nice person, but this is about HER having issues, not you. It's not about whether or not you're "good enough" at any weight, it's about your mom not knowing how to properly value a person.