Dumped because I gained weight (his words)

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  • For awhile, I was so ashamed of what happened and did not want anyone to know. After reading some of the other posts, I thought my experience might help someone else who was going through this. I was dumped because I gained weight. My ex blamed both my weight gain and his on me. He broke up with me 3 weeks before we were moving into another apartment closer to our jobs. I gained about 20 pounds after the breakup in March and made my way back to this board to do something about it. I cried for weeks at home, at work, didn't sleep, was very depressed......but things are starting to get better... I've went out with a couple of guys sincethen and it was a boost to my self confidence. Some nice shoes and a cute shirt really can help. I learned a lesson never to settle because it doesn't work out in the end. Find someone that is worthy of your love and trust who will do anything to make you happy.......This is my nightmare (kinda long)

    Dated this normal guy for 2 years and then he wrecked his car and was without one. Fast forward about 3 months..My apt was broken into while i was home on the couch sleeping and we ended up moving in together. He still had no car. Things seemed to be fine between us in all areas of the relationship though his gaming addiction annoyed me (world of warcraft and all that stuff) and he was pretty lazy. I started inquiring about the car situation and found out his license were suspended. His story was that he had an unpaid parking ticket that he forgot about and they suspended his license and then he was in a wreck (his fault) so he needed a lawyer to get them back. I was a little annoyed because I believed he was just saving up to buy another one and had no idea that he had no license. He had actually driven me to the airport in MY CAR and never mentioned not having a license. I tried to cut back on going out so that he could save money to do this sooner. I paid half the rent and utilities and he made 2x as much as i did so i couldn't figure out why he couldn't afford it. I was picking him up from work and my commute home became an hour because of him. I was tired of driving everywhere and was ready for someone to drive ME around. We picked out this new apartment in January and put in applications....It was his idea to put down a deposit and get it locked in because it was so convenient to where we worked. We lived together for over a year at this point and had dated somewhere around 3 years by then.

    all of a sudden, things changed. 3 weeks before we were to move into the new place he told me it wasn't working and he didn't think we had a future....totally out of the blue. Had a romantic dinner and went to a movie the night BEFORE, holding hands, cuddling in bed, and all that stuff the night Before..... totally shocked me...
    Then he changed his mind and wanted to try to work on the relationship. I had been so heartbroken that I was happy to try and work it out. So we ended up moving to the new place together but something wasn't right. he then told me that he just wanted to be roommates and date other people..He said I had gained weight and was causing him to gain weight because he ate when i did. He was an adult and didn't have to eat dinner with me. He insisted on helping out by cooking since he never cleaned or did anything else so he always made pasta and other unhealthy stuff loaded with carbs and calories. He would only cook stuff that took 5-10 minutes because he was extremely lazy so that meant a frozen lasagna or stir fry rice or something. For the record i only went up 2 sizes so it wasn't a huge weight gain. I was around 150 when we started dating and was about 160 when we moved in together and was barely 170 when I was too fat for him. He said kudos to his friend Erik for dating and marrying a fat girl but he deserved a supermodel even though it made him shallow!!!

    He had a tummy, was bald, and had no freaking car or driver's license!! He said he deserved a supermodel (those were his words)...this a few days after we had signed a lease together! So basically he changed his mind and said he wanted to work on the relationship so he could have some help with the rent and a ride to work and wherever he wanted to go. He wanted to use me again and I was stupid enough to go along with it because I loved this moron. I wonder if he ever loved me when we moved in together a year or so ago or if he was just wanting me there to split the rent and give him a ride to work or wherever he needed to go. Somehow, I found an ounce of self-repect and decided there was no way I was going to allow myself to be used like that. I would have to be insane to live with my ex boyfriend and pay half the rent and give him rides while he paraded other women in front of my face.

    He went to work and I called in sick and was curious what was going on so i snooped through his computer....found out he had a serious porn addiction and he visited mutliple sites daily for months, that he hired escorts and paid them for things other than "escorting", craigslist ads for erotic stuff, etc and i was so disgusted i packed up and left. He had been bringing escorts and other girls he met online into our bed while I was at work or out of town or out with friends for awhile. He had been cheating for months, probably longer. He was still signed into his email account and I was truly sick from the things i read. I made him go to the office and get my name off the lease....

    I was moving on with my life and then got a call from his sister in law. She didn't believe what he was saying and called me up for dinner. Turns out he lied about a hundred things. He worked in investment sales and could look you in the eye and lie. He was telling everyone that I just left him with this expensive apartment for no reason because I didn't want to be with him anymore....He dumped me and he was cheating the whole time we were together! So all these people who know me through him, think i'm a jerk. I'm an accountant and very honest and reasonable and don't like my name being dragged through the mud and i hate liars. Turns out his license were suspended for 5 years and he won't be able to drive himself around again until 2014! He was a habitual offender and lost the license for 5 years. He disregarded tickets and didn't pay then and continued to drive after he knew his license were suspended. Then when he wrecked his car, they revoked them for 5 years and he has to get a lawyer to even beg for a hardship license. I then get a collection notice from our old apartment for something his pets damaged and he was supposed to pay and never did.

    I have never been so angry with anyone in my life and even though I should probably just get over it and move on, I want him to feel a little pain like i did!! I hate being lied to and feel like he was using me to pay half the rent and drive him around everywhere.


    Crazy ex girlfriend in Florida
  • Wow...your story sounds similar to one of my ghosts in the closet...I wish you luck with your journey and hope you learn to love yourself the way you are, no matter what a scale reads. Once you can do that, you'll attract worthier men ;]

    BTW, no accountant is honest. hahah kidding...
  • Sounds like you went through a very tough relationship, but you're moving on (healthfully!) now, and you're absolutely right that you deserve better.

    I wish you all the best!
  • This has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with a prick who is grasping at straws for a "legit" reason to dump someone. Look at it this way; you lost a LOT of deadweight...and it was your ex!

    As painful as it might seem now, he actually did you a favor. The guy is a liar, cheat, and has all sorts of things going on that you're a lot better off not dealing with. And it's always the manchilds with absolutely nothing to offer that think they deserve supermodels. Go figure.
  • You were not dumped do to weight, dont buy that garbage for a min.

    You were dumpted cuz he is a women hater.

    Thats why he has a weird need to hire women and pay them to act or do certain garbage.

    He prob was igored or picked on by girls in school. I have seen it a bazillion times, Im a WoW GAMER, Comiconn geek and hung out with these guys in school...they are basicly all the same with a rear exception.
  • Kudos to you for getting out. He sounds abusive, lazy, irresponsible, dishonest and above all, skeezy! Hugs. I agree with the others in saying that this breakup wasn't about your weight, it was about this guy and his seriously dysfunctional way of living.
  • Seriously, you were not dumped because you gained weight. You walked out of an abusive relationship. You're the one in control here, you don't need to feel ashamed. And good on you for getting out and reclaiming your life! It's normal to have the horrible things he said running around in your brain, even when you know logically that they're rubbish, and it'll take a while before you can switch off that inner voice from him, but it will happen, I promise you.
  • You'll find someone better!

    Make sure to go to the girl-doctor and get checked to make sure that ******* didn't give you a nasty std goodbye present with all those "women" he went out with.
  • I can tell from your post that your eyes are open now & you realize what an absolute gem of a guy you let walk out of your life. Good riddance. Now raise your standards, darling, the next time you're hiring & reviewing applicants for someone to live with you & let into your bed. Fat or thin or anywhere in between, you're clearly worth more than someone like that. Play TLC's "No Scrubs" for yourself a few times over to remind yourself of your new higher standards.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpF5wOcy7os
  • WOW ! What a jerk ! You deserve so much better. Be glad you are out of that sick relationship. he is a user and will go through life in the same disgusting pattern he is showing now. There is a nice guy out there that will appreciate you and not use you for free rides and rent.
  • Good riddance to gabage!! Consider yourself lucky to be rid of that trash!! It's good to see you are not letting yourself stay down and you are moving forward in a positive direction. You are a winner!

    Mary
  • I feel sorry for that supermodel he is going to end up with
  • Wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Sounds like you shed at least 150+ lbs the day you walked out of his life. You've been carrying him for a long time. You can do this! Keep your head up - living well is the best revenge.
  • I am so sorry that these guys have put you through this! I was never dumped for gaining weight, but believe me i have been dumped and then after getting dumped i gained weight because of it.... i felt like even tho he never said it he must have been dumped me because i wasn't thin enough.... but the bottom line is you deserve better.... there is someone out there who will love you no matter what you weigh... you just have to find him.... (and maybe he will have a twin brother for me )

    ps let me tell you there is nothing sweeter than running into an ex after losing weight and knowing they are thinking they made a mistake... use that for motivation...maybe that ex of yours will come crawling back and you can break his heart this time

    hugs!!!