Today, while walking into the grocery store to pick up some bananas, a homeless man approached us and asked for a dollar. I rarely keep change, so I just shook my head and said sorry. As we started walking into the grocery store, he yelled "Thanks a lot, fatty!" I just kept walking, not wanting to egg him on. My boyfriend didn't hear it, as he was on the phone. But I just felt like wanting to cry. My boyfriend thinks that telling me I'm not fat helps. But it doesn't. He thinks that "I carry it well." (There's a thread that was talking about this that I was reading earlier.)

I know I'm big. But when someone uses that against you to hurt you, it feels worse. Does that makes sense?

A few years ago, another homeless man called me a fat a** after not giving him change. I understand that they want to make me feel bad for not giving them money, but it still hurts. When this happened last time, I went home and I drowned my sorrows in chips and ice cream. But I don't want to do that this time. But I can't pull myself out of feeling depressed.

Any advice on how to move on?

Firstly, never let anyone take your joy. No matter how many names they may call you, YOU know who you are on the inside and you have to own that. Do not let what someone who is probably a drunk or crazy ruin your whole day.

Secondly, do not let someone disrespect you and you say nothing about it. If you would have stood your ground and told him what he could do with that comment, he wouldn't have known what to do. You don't deserve that treatment and you should not take it. Additionally, if you said no you are not obligated to give your money to anyone.

I have been called names, probably more than I can count but I know who and what I am. I don't care for anyone else's opinion. If they have a problem, they can see the door.

Then they didn't deserve your dollar. And it makes perfect sense. Yes, it's a fact, but it still hurts when someone uses that fact in a derogatory sense.

My advice is to just let it go. These are guys that you're never going to see again, that if they hadn't said anything wouldn't have mattered one bit in your life, and you need to go back to them not mattering.

I don't know if this will make you feel better but, with my kids I just try to get them to understand that when people want to make you feel bad they will attack you for anything. They will talk about you for being too fat, too skinny, too dumb, too smart, too short, too tall, too talkative, too shy, etc. The best thing you can do is realize that at any given moment somebody is going to attack you for some reason or another and just develop a thick skin.

Just think of the stupid insults kids would hurl on the playground: four-eyes, fatty, nerd, etc. Bullies exist and in the real world, there's no playground monitor you can ask for help. Just ignore the s.o.b. He's just trying to guilt you and make himself feel better. If you were model-thin, he'd call you a skinny b**** for not giving him money.

The point is, he's not worth your time or energy, and definitely not your thoughts. Your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful, so who cares what some dude on the street thinks? He's not the one proud to be seen in public with you and happy to go home with you at night (or at least in the evening, if you don't live together).

Stay strong. You're beautiful and awesome.

Some kids yelled "you're fat!" at me while I was taking a walk a few weeks ago. It made me mad, but ultimately you've just gotta let it go.

Words and unkind comments do hurt, but we've just got to learn to ignore ignorant people. They are not worth our time.

I honestly wish I had something to say or we could take the pain of those comments away...

Will probably get flamed for this, but a lot of the time if I don't want to go to the gym, I think back to times of having been called fat, etc. and get up off the sofa. Healthy? Not necessarily. But effective? Yes.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Knowing me and my mouth I probably would have turned around and got into it with him and said something equally mean. Like get a job! Which I know 2 wrongs don't make a right. Don't let some loser bring you down. He's the one that is sad and pathetic. That makes me angry for you!!

The thing I really find difficult is the street harrassment, especially when I'm out exercising and I get men (well, a certain type of man) who think it's okay to call me a slut, tell me I'm a mess, whistle at me or comment on my wieght.

Having lost a little, the comments are now more sexually explicit than they used to be but it can really throw me off and I get very upset. I just want to be ignored by people. But I figure it's something I have to live with and no matter how bad I feel, how red in the face the face I get. I'm never going to feel as bad about myself as they do about themselves because I've never felt the need to scream at a complete stranger.

You let the 3-letter "f" word from a homeless man upset you? A man who has to panhandle to buy his daily alcohol fix brought you down?

You know, I just have to feel sorry for him because he has nothing, except the ability to say a word that can be insulting. And he knew he could say that word and make you cry and that you wouldn't confront him.

As my mom used to say, "Consider the source."

There are so many other things he could have called you that wouldn't have pushed that button, right? So it's very useful to know that you have that button and it's ready to go off with the slightest provocation. How can you become less vulnerable about that? (And I don't mean by losing weight.)

Jay

It would have hurt my feelings too, sweetie, but as others have said, this guy was probably a drunk who did not deserve your money.

The thing about street harassment of any kind is that it's all about the guy asserting his dominance over a random female by bullying her.

Yeah, it's about power. He felt that in the transaction, you had more power than he did. He wanted to take away some of your power.

What's the easiest thing to go after, regarding a woman's power? Yep, it's her physical appearance.

These street guys say things to women they have no hope of meeting, impressing, being treated as equals by, or obtaining things from. In your case, it was money. In other instances, it's sexual attention.

It's a case of them trying to rectify a perceived imbalance of power. They're men, but the woman is out of their league -- because of her looks, her social status, a certain confidence in her walk, her having money when thy don't -- and she is more powerful than they are. This is an intolerable situation for them; they just can't deal with that psychologically.

Take his nasty epithet as a backhanded tribute. At that moment, you were very powerful. You had the power to deny him something, which you did. You had the power to keep moving on & leave him in the dust, still scrambling for change to feed his addiction.

Try to think of yourself as visibly powerful when people try to take you down like this. Like when you're out running, asserting your physical being in the world. Or striding down the street, looking good. Or on a purposeful errand. You are emanating an energy & self-sufficiency that makes those lower in self-esteem & power feel uneasy. Yelling something is their feeble attempt at getting even with you, since they are unable to do it in any other way.

To put it briefly: Own your power. Take it back from them.

You still rule. The words didn't change anything.

I was going to say exactly what JayEll said, "Consider the source." It is hard to turn off feelings but try to mentally dispose of those words and the feelings they caused. That man does not know you. You are giving him power by letting his words hurt you. Take back that power!

Hey! Don't let the other thread get you down, either! It's taken me a year to lose as much as I have, but I think even if it has taken me a year, I still did it, and you can, too. A homeless man insulting people when he doesn't get his way does not endear himself to anyone. Why would you want to give your money to such a low-life anyway? If he was a person who was trying to get his life on track, the way you are, then I think he would be someone worth giving money and respect to. Don't let someone like that ruin your plans for a healthier life!