(Message deleted)

PopRox-

Do not apologize for the long post. Posting your thoughts, feelings, etc. is purpose of the forum. Your post was perfect.

Your family situation sounds incredibly difficult and hurtful. I am sorry.

I too binge to ease the emotional pain. But eventually (for me) the binging was more hurtful than helpful.

I live in SF. If you need the name of a therapist I can give you one. She is an eating disorder specialist and she is the real deal. You can email me directly.

Be well, be kind to yourself, and sending you good loving vibes- JENN

PopRox83 I understand some of your story and want to support you. I had some similar storyline but I do see differences so I don't want to assume that I'm your twin. I just know how parents can squash and clutch at you making you feel bad inside. I've been there but never really knew. I eventually did finish college (after 8 years of massive struggle). I was shocked to find myself across the country for grad school to find myself slowly finding a new path. I went on to the Peace Corps (which is a very safe protective way to try wings--if you are careful). I now have lived away from home for almost half my life. Even while I was gone, my mom try to power push me to obedience while my dad's style was more gentle smothering (sharing low self-esteem which I'm learning is actually culturally from my immigrant heritage).

Anyway, I still startle super easy. I had years of trouble with any woman similar to my mother. I am finding anxiety to have more impact on me as life's stresses build up. Last year was one of the worst years because I exhausted any kind of self-resiliency, self-care, anything. I could find no reason for anything. It was really dark times.

Have you ever see My Big Fat Greek Wedding? It kind of spoke to me a little towards some of my trys to get away from my family, feel better about myself, and transform my body to something healthier.

Anyway, I can't think of solutions just now but can continue to chat more here with you. My solutions probably wouldn't work but I'm sure there are ways to support you find your own best strategies. You can do what you want. It does get better. Take care of your body for now. One suggestion that I really like has been workouts and yoga that show me my body's power (during yoga I love the "warrior's poses", for aerobics I love kickboxing and boxing workout videos). I just feel--ABLE.

PopRox, you sound bright and focused. I'm sorry your parents don't share your values for seeking out a credible education. I would be very proud to have a daughter like you!

Can you find a way to fade out of that business, until you can legally figure out how to get out of it?

This is a great place for support of all kinds, because weight loss is not just about what goes into your mouth.

I also could have written your post myself about myself. I am 53 years old and both parents are deceased, yet I still struggle with their influence and control on me. I would encourage you to get out of the family business and create your own life away from your parents as soon as possible. What you are describing is emotional abuse and you deserve better. I am suggesting you cut off contact by the way, but to set some serious boundaries and insist they stick to them.

Take care,
Elaine

I meant to say, I am NOT suggesting you cut off contact...

If I were you .... I'd find a way to get out. Now. Find a way to earn income that doesn't come from your parents (even if you don't quit the family business right away), get some therapy as soon as you can, and rent a room somewhere. Let a sibling take over the family business. Parents may be pissed for a bit, but I suspect that when they realize they can't control you they will get over it.

When you say you have talked to CPS people do you mean the situation was so bad when you were a child it was reported to CPS?
You mentioned you did leave twice to go to college but were overwhelmed and came back. Do you have any credits you can salvage from that to transfer to something else? Could you continue a degree through distance eduaction? That way you can make plans to move on when the time is right but have something to fall back on to support yourself.