I've just said TO **** WITH THIS and given up, but it's only lasted a while before that voice started nagging me to do better because THAT'S what I want. I want to be thinner and healthier.

However, I'm just so sick and tired of it all. I don't even care that I think about how many calories are in something, or that I think ahead, that's not the problem. It's just that I feel like I'm getting nowhere. I feel like I last just long enough to get my hopes up that I'm going to finally break through and keep going, but then I crash and burn. All the hard work I do, I undo it. And I hate myself for it. I feel like there's this sick part of me that wants to be overweight, like it's "safe" or something. When I imagine myself being thin, I just can't do it without feeling a little worried. About what? I dunno exactly. I think if I lose weight, I won't be able to hide behind hoodies and t-shirts, that I'll want to look nicer, and that'll bring on attention. Not saying people will be constantly hooting and hollering at me, LOL. But I rarely feel comfortable in THIS body, and I've had it for the past several years. What am I going to be like with a NEW body??

My husband isn't very supportive, which makes me feel even less secure with my choices to lose weight. He doesn't tell me I don't need to lose/gain weight, but he purposefully does things to make it harder for me to lose weight. I know ultimately I am the one who decides to eat, but when you have someone constantly restocking the pantry with all the snacky things you JUST threw out, who cooks several times a day on the weekends and after work, and gets offended if you don't eat, it gets very difficult. He's put on a LOT of weight lately, which makes me feel bad, and I suspect is why he's been so touchy about my own choices. I don't want him to feel bad, and if I say I'm not going to eat something or if I say I'm going to work out, he always takes it as me trying to rub it in his face that he's gaining weight. Again, I know this is his own insecurity talking, but it's still hard to deal with when I'm so insecure myself.

So yeah, there's my long and tiring rant. If only weight loss was simply about losing weight. It's the frigging mind games that are getting to me. Help??

Have you asked your husbands to workout with you? Next time you go to the gym you could ask him if he wants to go or maybe you two could take a nice long walk together every evening. You are definitely going to need to talk to him about your goals and how you want the two of you to both be healthy. Maybe you could take over cooking or get him a yummy low calorie cook book as a hint or something? You just gotta stick with it if you honestly want this. Try and think of ways you can get around your problem.

Meh. I feel better today. I'm just coming off a tough time with myself and the hubby. Hubby is on medication, that if he doesn't take every day, he can be hard to deal with. He hadn't taken it for a few days, and it was getting to me. I've had basically NO willpower lately and I've been binging. Partly due to stress in general, and partly because I just haven't told myself "This is unacceptable. You cannot do this." and stop.

His eating habits haven't changed in the past few years, so it's not like he's doing anything new, I'm just struggling with saying NO right now. LOL

Oh well. I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take it one meal at a time.

Well I'm glad you're feeling a little better. That sucks about him not taking his medication. Hopefully he will take it like he needs to. Try not to let stress get to you and if it does transfer the eating habit to something else. I just learned two new "tricks" for dealing with obsessing over things which seem to help only set aside a certain time of day to think about things you can't do anything about like 20 minutes in the morning and every time you start to think about it during another part of the day remind yourself that you can think about it during the designated time and push it out of your mind. The other thing you can do is learn something new every time you start going over your problems repeatedly and it gets you upset. If we all spent the time we spend stressing over emotional issues learning stuff we'd all be geniuses by now. If your somewhere without access to the internet or books you can learn how many trees there in a back yard, the number of tiles in a corner or something. Not sure if it's the best way to handle stress but I've noticed these two things have seriously helped me deal with stress more productively. Good luck!

Mind over Matter- Pint! You have a strong mind and an incredible spirit that I can feel through the screen. YOu don't need anyones support to get this done. You have the spirit inside for yourself!

Weight loss is a mind game. Our brain is constantly at war with our stomachs, our hearts, and sometimes itself. I swear that I have two brains in my head because sometimes I want to just eat like crazy and not even care JUST as much as I want to stay on plan. Sometimes the off plan brain wins. It is a mind game, you have to figure out what the rules are and learn how to play. You don't always have to play defense, either...sometimes it helps to be on offense.

And what I mean by that is, there are silly little ways that we can trick our brains to keep the upperhand. We all do it without realizing we're doing it. Any minor little thing like drinking a glass of water before a meal, chewing gum, figuring out how to spread calories throughout the day that keeps us most satisfied. I put SO much water in my oatmeal that it's like soup. My brain thinks I'm eating a TON of oatmeal, but really, it's still just 1/2 cup of oats. I make a huge bowl of air-popped popcorn and sit on the couch and eat mindlessly for an hour every night with a pre-measured amount of calories. I know that stuff sounds kind of lame, but we'll always have a little voice in our head nagging us to go off plan. That eating junk food is better. That little voice plays dirty and sneaky, so we need to play back the same way.

I'm feeling vindictive against all men at the moment, and I'm inclined to just call your husband an a-hole. When in reality, I'm sure that's not the case. I have been the overweight one who wasn't ready to make a change yet, and I was so *annoyed* when others made choices to eat healthy and exercise. Even though I felt annoyed at those people and secretly wanted to sabotage them (even if I wouldn't openly admit this to myself), that was just frustration and anger with myself that I couldn't get myself to make the changes also. I imagine that's what your husband is feeling and doing, not that it's an excuse. He should be supportive, and you have every right to tell him you need support and outline what that entails.

You are right. Weight loss is a total mind game, and your mindset has to be in the right place in order to win the game. It makes it especially hard when someone else is doing the cooking. If someone else is cooking, I will eat a little bit of everything, but I end up leaving the table hungry, so I'd rather do the cooking. My boyfriend always makes Saturday breakfast and I eat one waffle plain, one slice of bacon, one link of sausage, and 1/4 cup of hashbrowns. He tries to get me to eat more, but I don't think he is all that offended that I don't because it means more leftovers for him on Sunday LOL

I like that, it's very true. Weight loss is a mind game. When I feel frustrated like you, I write down everything I can come up with as to why I want to lose weight. I definitely understand about feeling like you're leaving that comfort of being overweight. Only that drives me aout that is the air force. But I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. My weight is like my defense because being big sometimes it helps to see who's really trying to be a friend to me. in school, no one really talked to me and i didn't talk to them much. skinny kids always had friends and also enemies. so i think being big, those who wanted to be my friend were being honest. at least that's how i thought back then. i think being big makes me feel like i'm a stronger person. plus being tall on top of that, i do intimidate people. in high school no one messed with me, but of course people always talk behind your back and i could deal with that.

Pint, I have complete confidence in you! This is how I had been thinking for the last 2 weeks. If it helps, make a pro and con list. To see it visually will motivate you. Now I'm not married but my mom is sorta the same way. She cooks food the way she ALWAYS have, lots of grease and seasonings. I hate the look on her face when I say I can't eat it. I've talked with her and now she finds healthier ways to prepare meals. Guess what I'm tryin to say is that you need to stay focused! Give the hubby a really good talk!

best idea EVER!! Thanks for sharing!