I realize most of my problem is mental - I know that I'm not fat because I like cheeseburgers. In fact, I don't eat poorly, but I did have a more carb-centric diet. I work out 4-5 days a week, two days with a trainer, did a 5K last year and physically I think I'm in good shape - except for the layer of blubber that is packed on over the muscle I've earned from my ball busting workouts. Despite my exercise regime, I have still gained back 45 out of the 60 lbs I lost three years ago for my wedding. Even at my wedding, I still had another 30 lbs (my lowest weight as an adult was 165). I hit a plateau I just couldn't get past, and I was being religious about my diet. I think I got frustrated and started floating from diet to diet (tried Jenny Craig again and my 68 year old mother lost more weight on it than I did!) Now I'm back up to 206, depressed, and frustrated and angry with myself that I let it happen AGAIN! How does one not start hating themselves, or stop hating themselves, for being unable to control my weight?
I could give a million excuses for why it happened; traveling for my job, my mother in law in & out of the hospital this past year, trying to quit smoking several times (and keep going back for reasons I can't understand or explain), etc. Quite honestly, I keep giving myself a hall pass because of the stress to just be destructive to my health, and I have struggled with overcoming this behavior.
Can anyone relate to this? I know I'm not alone out there, but it's really hard to face friends and family after gaining this weight back and trying to explain why..... Why, after all the diets and all the exercise programs, and all that I KNOW from being basically raised on a diet my whole life - why can't I get past this mental block in my head and just DO IT, and not revert back to old behaviors?
Thanks for reading/listening
I appreciate anyone's feedback!


