Ok... So I've got some things to get off my chest and really can't discuss this with many..

- We lost a old friend a last week due to a drug overdose. I haven't spoken to that friend in about three years. Manly because We had a fight because I befriended his GF at the time and there relationship was REALLY rocky. She asked me to help her move out, which I did. They ended up back together after a week or so.. I also took this friend for custody of their son. He didn't want her to talk with me anymore because I was the problem.. Which I know I wasn't.. Their relationship was the problem. He was afraid of me because I have always been a strong woman and I do what I want. I was happy when I found out they were getting married and working things out. I wanted to see them as a happy family. That being said I was friends with this guy for almost 20 yrs, minus the 3 we didn't talk. Tomorrow they are having a memorial for him. I am planning on going w/ my DH. All day through I have had knots in my stomach.. I cared about this woman a great deal.. She was that once in a life kind of friend, ya know? Anyway I tried to call her and sent a message to her on FB. I know that she is preoccupied now and hurting. I want so bad to be there for her through this. Part of me thinks she may not want me there because it will go against his wishes.. I am having such a hard time facing the fact that he is gone and I will never be able to set things straight with him.. Do I have the right to attend this service? I am so worried about hurting her more then she is hurting now..

I couldn't really eat for a few days after hearing this news. Then tonight I just ate like 5 pieces of halloween candy, ugh.. I'm sick to my stomach and my heart is in pieces for this wife, without a husband, and son without a father...

I have some medical stuff going on atm and I feel the stress taking over me..

Sorry this is so long, it helped just writing it out..

it sounds to me like you want to go for and be supportive for all the right reasons. I imagine she does have some insight into the complexities of the past situation, and knows you had good intentions towards her. Offer your condolences, and if she needs anything. No matter what, imho I think that's a good thing to do for her. and I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

I'd go. You just want to be supportive and show her some support. You can just stay in the back and quietly leave after the service.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I agree w/ cbmare.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You definitely have the right to go to the memorial service. You can go, pay your respects and offer your condolences to the widow. She will probably appreciate your thoughtfulness.

despite his view of things, it sounds like you were acting in their best interests in everything you did. services are for those who remain, not those who are gone, i would definitely go but only if it's what YOU want, not what you feel like you should do.