So I've gone form 186 to 114lbs from dieting and calorie counting but lately my eating habits have become obsessive thanks to my lifetime pal OCD. I portion and count every calorie that goes into my body. I never indulge in eating out meals. I order salads and/or grilled chicken or salmon when eating out. I always go for the healthiest thing.
I've recieved comments now on how I've gotten too skinny and people are becoming aware that its becoming a disorder for me.
Today, in an attempt to indulge and let myself live I went to the food court at the mall and got a sandwich from a place Ive been wanting to try. It was a small piece of foccacia bread with garlic mayo, chicken, swiss cheese and veggies on it and a side salad with a tomato ranch dressing. Then after that I got frozen yogurt with granola on top.

I came home and cried my eyes out, and then sat down to "figure up" the damage, calorie wise. It was over 1,000 based on my estimates. I usually eat under 1,400 a day so it leaves me with little room for dinner.

I know that life is about living and not dieting, but how do I overcome these terrible feelings I feel when Im not in control? I know I wont gain 20 lbs from one indulgence, but my mind is holding the guilt from that meal. I dont know what Im afraid of, not afriad to gain 5 lbs thats for sure because I know Id still look very slim and almost too thin even if I did gain. I know, keep calm and carry on, but does anyone else struggle with this?

Just needed to vent a bit and let out some emotions...

yes, I feel the same way, sounds like we have alot in common. I went from 173 to 105lbs, my inlaws had made remarks about how I look. They said I looked anorexic and I'm too thin. It hurt me alot to know they said this behind my back. I got over it now & I feel proud of my accomlishment, you should too. If your happy with the way you look, that is all that matters. I am happy and feel great since I lost the weight, I love wearing a size 0, any type of clothing looks good, I don't have to try anything on or return anything because it's too small. Strangers ask me if I'm a runner or work out( I am a brisk walker, do it everyday) But I am obsessed about every calorie I eat, I track every nutrient I eat, I track all my fitness, I also won't eat out. If I do, I choose the garden salad w/ low cal dressing. I also watch how much fat I eat, I only eat at certain times, nothing after dinner at 6pm, no carbs after 3pm. I've done this for 2 yrs, I have been maintaining for 15 mo. I know what works for me best. I figure, if people don't like it, that's just tough, it's my life. I do now have 1 day a week I indulge in foods I love, for me it's anything sweet, I feel so bad after I do, but once the water weight is gone, I'm over it. I keep dropping weight if I don't, I eat around 1250 calories a day & am working on becoming a vegetarian since I eat all whole foods(fruits & veggies mostly, a little skinless chicken), nothing processed. So I know how you feel, It feels like your not living. But to me it's worth it !

As long as you are at a healthy weight...DONT LET OTHERS GET YOU DOWN! You have worked hard on your weight loss and tell the haters to kiss your tiny little booty!

When I was a teenager and went from a size 18 to a 4 I got those kind of comments all the time, especially from my overweight relatives...grrr. I remember one time telling my aunt that an eating disorder is what made me an obese child not a lean healthy one. That shut her up. I am 5'8" and at 120 pounds that was still a lean healthy weight!

So put a smile on that face of yours and let your pride shine through girl, you deserve to feel good about your accomplishment!

Oh and don't worry about the obsessive calorie counting...time will let you let loose of the tight grip you have on it now. Just try to relax and enjoy your new body and lifestyle. This is all new to you still and you have to get aquainted with the way you really are now.