As I sit here reflecting on the past months, and the journey that brought me here, there has been much that I realized that wasn't even an idea, let alone a thought during the weight loss process.
To name a few:
LIFESTYLE CHANGE- At first I started dieting, but then I realized I had to change my life permanently, so during the journey, I made solid changes that I could live on and accept and be content with.
Weight Loss won't happen until your body, mind, heart, and soul are all on the same page. We can't wish or pray to be thin, we need to work for it. And there is NO magic pill, workout, shot, drug, or anything for that matter that can give you the weight you want.
Eating fast food, or other "foreign" foods make me feel (this is extreme) like a dog that got into the trash and gets sick from his tummy to the point that he is throwing up and cramping uncontrollably. I don't actually "throw up" but my stomach will cramp for about 2 days after eating "guilty" food.
I am a victim of loose skin. I never even thought about loose skin until I saw that story about that 600+lb guy that lost 400+ lbs and had to have several surgeries to fix it. I have loose skin on my arms, inner thigh, butt, and tummy. I hate being naked. But I will admit that I hated being overweight more.
People do treat me differently. I get random compliments. I'm still not used to the new treatment, I guess it's b/c I felt invisible for so long.
I can't say that I let myself find love "after" i lost my weight, because I'm not sure if I had "confidence" at that point just yet. Many have told me/asked me, if I found love because I was happier, and more confident, but to be honest, I felt exhausted from the dieting, and exercising, and I was still shy and quiet to those around me!
I can't eat something without wondering how many calories are in it. Nutrition labels are my best friend. I depend on their honesty.
I finally took down my "before" pictures. I had originally hoped they would help me maintain, but they really just depressed me looking at them every day on my office wall. So overall, I gave that girl the funeral she deserved.
Shopping for clothes is FUN now! I can't get enough of it! I love how Gap and Old Navy run big! I recently bought a size 2 in a pair of gap shorts, and I used to wear a 20W from plus size stores. However, I'm only a size 2 in Gap and Old Navy. I'll take it.
I still sometimes see the original me in the mirror. The mirror does lie sometimes. It does and will play tricks on you. I'm working on getting a stronger mindset to tell myself and remind myself that when I see the old me, it isn't me anymore.
I'm really hoping after I hit a year of maintenance, this will get a little easier. It's true what the say, maintenance is just as challenging as dieting. Most importantly, you need to be ready to make permanent changes so you can get to where you want to go and stay there. Unfortunately, I still battle desires with bad food. I still crave them. I still want to go buy a whole cheesecake and eat it all in one sitting, or eat ice-cream until I burst, or a whole pizza. I admire "always been skinnies" when I see them eating b/c they don't or have ever had the relationship/thoughts with food that I have. Like Megan said in another post, I'll always be a fat kid at heart. I always be "morbidly obese" and my biggest fear, is I got there once, to that "obese" size, and who's to say I won't get there again. Wish me luck as I continue...
I do have great support, and I am grateful for how far I've come. I really feel "what do I do now?" It's interesting. I feel guilty when I see other women who are my former size, or bigger women eating food that I wish I could tell them to make a healthier decision. But all I can do is continue to make decisions for myself.
The most positive thing about my lifestyle change, other than being healthy, more energetic, yada yada yada, is that I feel like my stomach shrank. I think even if i wanted to eat a whole pizza, I just couldn't anymore. That in itself, is reassuring knowing that my belly will hopefully tell my brain to stop if I ever become the little dog that digs through the garbage for food!
This was really just a rant...a vent I guess you can say. I'm just wondering if other's feel this way. Thanks for reading!