Okay, so I have been starting my weight loss journey, and I am totally sucking at it. I did join a gym, and I am happy about that at least, but I am still not sure about the whole dieting/food issue.

I just don't think I can do it. I hate feeling deprived. I hate feeling hungry. I don't understand how people aren't hungry on their plans. My friend on weight watchers told me to just eat an apple if I were hungry, and I felt even hungrier. I seem to get less hungry if I don't eat at all- weird huh?

A lot of times when I tell people I CANNOT stick to a diet they say....
DON'T DIET, JUST EAT HEALTHY!

Something about that is odd to me. How is eating healthy not a form of dieting? Same w/ weight watchers saying it isn't a diet. Or other programs saying they are "lifestyle changes".

To me, changing my eating habits and not eating what I want to eat is a DIET. I don't understand. I feel just as deprived counting calories, carbs, or fat grams as I do "eating healthy". The fact is, I don't really want grilled chicken instead of a steak and a baked potato w/ butter, and sour cream. I want the steak! I like healthy food, too, but I hate eating healthy when I really don't feel like it.

I always end up choosing the healthier option, and then later eating the fattening stuff on top of it!

What is wrong with me?! I mean, seriously, food should not be so important to me. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself.

My problem is not lack of knowledge, or that I won't exercise, or that I am in denial- my problem is FOOD.

How do I solve this? The more I think about trying to eat better, the more I just want to devour everything in sight!

This is so sad and frustrating for me. I want to be thin, energetic, and healthy, but I want food even more.

It's true that 'all' we need to do is eat healthily (having first worked out from all the information thrown at us, what healthy actually is).

However many/most of us - me anyway - can't be trusted to make healthy choices without the rigidity of a 'diet' to support those choices.

I'm not a fan of any particular named diet - there is too much opportunity just to sell us stuff: kitchen scales, measuring cups, artificial foods - all stuff that we really Don't need, not at those prices anyway.

However, I am a fan of giving myself a set of rules and sticking to them. Mine are 1400 calories, no more than 110g carbs, 15g fibre, 100 fl oz water, daily logging in a programme that shows me how much I've still got left.

I know exactly what you mean by your last sentence - and well done for saying it, not many people are that brave. Most of the time I want the thin, energetic and healthy but left to my own devices and in the face of an unhealthy food that I'm desperate for, yes, I'd rather have the food, in that minute. With my Rules, I'm not left on my own to wrestle with those foods. My rule is that I don't eat X, so I don't.

I'm hoping that Rules will eventually lead to spontaneous healthy choices - but I suspect that's a long way off.

To me I say that I adhere to a healthy diet or that I keep to a healthy lifestyle or my diet consists of healthy foods. I am a health conscious person who eats well and exercises and that was my lifestyle change. In the past I didn't eat well. I didn't have rules and boundaries. I ate whatever I wanted when I wanted without giving it much thought. I ate recklessly. I don't drive recklessly, it was time to stop EATING recklessly.

The truth is, you can't have it both ways. It just can't be. You can't be slim, trim, fit, healthy and THE BEST YOU POSSIBLE and remain eating the high calorie/high quantity foods. You must come to that realization.

And of course you must decide which it is that you want the MOST. The food - or the optimal you.

You spoke of deprivation. Well you have to look at it as eating irresponsibly as the deprivation. You are depriving yourself of a higher quality of life. You are depriving yourself of energy, stamina, self confidence, self worth, self respect and again - the very best possible you.


According to the sentence that I bolded, it doesn't sound to me like food is really doing all that much for you. If it makes you feel disgusted with yourself - why do you think you want it more than to be fit and trim? You may enjoy eating certain foods at the time, but than it seems to me that you are left remorseful and indeed - unhappy. It sounds to me as if the consequences are just too high. The benefits are coming at too high a price. Don't you deserve to have your food taste good AND be good for you? Don't you deserve the pleasure without the guilt/remorse/bad feelings? Stop settling for foods that just taste good - let them taste good and BE good for you - long after you're done chewing. Then it's a win/win situation.

For me that meant finding DELICIOUS yet healthy and lower calorie foods.

It sounds to me as if you have to dig down deep and find the mature, responsible adult in yourself.

I'll go shopping for a new handbag and I see this beautiful Coach bag, but wow, it will set me back. It's waaaay too expensive, but you know what - this Franco Sarto bag is absolutely gorgeous too and it won't blow my monetary budget. I'll enjoy it immensely without going into debt. Wow, what a wise choice I just made.

And eventually you will it will come to be that you enjoy the healthy foods and THAT is what you WILL want, look forward to, enjoy and crave. But you have to get there.

Because I believe much of this is just *habit*. You get used to eating a certain way and that' that. It's what you're accustomed to, it's what you know, it's what you're used to. And THAT'S what you need to work on. Changing your HABITS. Working past the initial, temporary discomfort of saying no to yourself, of finding those delicious healthy foods, of having boundaries and limits, of eating carefully.

Because when you do become used to it, when it does become natural, normal, automatic and yes enjoyable - you will find that eating well, adhering to a healthy lifestyle is no burden or hardship. The real hardship is remaining fat and settling for second best when first best is well within your reach. Eating well you will find becomes a joy and a pleasure. It is not restrictive, it is no prison sentence - but a key to freedom. A key to freedom that will open up doors to you, more doors than you can possibly imagine, ones that you didn't even realize were closed.

Give it a chance. Challenge yourself. Push yourself. Let those new habits form. Stretch. Reach. Grow. Conquer something new. Master a new skill. Discover who you were meant to be.

I agree with both of you. I don't know if this will help but the way I try to think about it is that I have tried 'diets' before. Atkins, WW, starvation, fasting, cabbage soup. I lose weight, fast. And then put it all on plus some.

I think in my head a 'diet' is something which is so structured and rigid I don't find it helpful (some people do, I'm sure). I feel really uncomfortable going to someones house for dinner, say, and having to worry about what I'm eating/what they have put effort into making for me. So I find my particular method (which at the end of the day, is a diet, but not a diet which removes whole food groups or has a way of eating that doesnt allow some room for movement) quite easy. I do have rules, like you said Rosinante, I count calories and fats and in order to fill up and feel like I have energy I tend to naturally lean towards a full plate of veggies that make up 300 cals rather than a bar of chocolate for example. I love food (sometimes) but it just so happens that I have discovered I love food that loves me back. And I don't NEED a kitkat, it will still be there when I am at the weight I want.

These days, if I go out with friends or family I focus on how much I'm eating of the particula thing, be it pizza or indian or whatever, knowing I can go back to my own way later on. I don't snack and I generally know what I'm going to be eating that day so I plan to have room in my calorie allowance for meals out and days when I can't get to the gym.

I too hope that my rules mean I will re-train my body and brain to crave foods it needs, not foods it thinks it wants. Already I find I fancy an orange or a plate of asparagus.

blonie123 I don't know if any of this helps you, I think you've made the biggest step by realising you don't have the relationship you want with food (YET). But you know this and I think that puts you in a very powerful position. Because better the devil you know and all that! Are you eating enough? When you want to 'eat everything in sight' is it because you are actually hungry or are you stuck with thinking you need/want it? If you can't diet, don't. Like me, it doesnt work for some people. Maybe a food diary would show you where you're having problems or help you figure out what times of the day are worst. Then you could try to find out what causes you to feel out of control and say 'I dont need this, I am in control of what I eat and I am deciding to eat better because I WANT too'....

And look aat what you HAVE done. You've joined a gym, you want to be happy, slim and energetic and you've actually done something about it. I think you should give yourself credit where its due. You are willing to get up and exercise and that's a realy good thing...your already on the way to becoming who you want to be.

xxxx

Sorry I was typing slooowly and Rockinrobin got in before me and said what I was trying to say in a much better way!!!!
xxx

I became morbidly obese by eating "healthy". Portion control is a big part of it, for me at least.

Do you find yourself being a 100% or nothing type person? If you're on a "diet" do you have to be on it 100% or why bother with it?
A "diet" should be about what you eat...not what you're allowed to eat.
I Made a "Lifestyle Change." As in I choose to change my lifestlye this way and no amount of standard american food advertisment or Norms is going to tell me what I can and can't put in my mouth. I do my own research and then i Make the choice if I want to eat it or not. You have to feel impowered...it's your body...your mouth. You want your body to be the best it can be...then you have to put the best in your mouth.
You don't have to feel like you're giving up your favorite foods forever. Because you're not.
I can eat like a saint all week and have my serving of cake and I won't feel the slightest amount of guilt whatsoever because I knew I did good all week and I knew just what I was putting in my mouth and I know I'll have a great week ahead.
Before I was one of those 100% or nothing people.. I could eat like a saint then the cake would haunt me if I didn't have it and 2 days later I would derail off my diet and burn in an explosion of cake, fatty and sweet stuff. You might have to give yourself some leway.
You want steak...eat it...Just not a steak the size of your dinner plate. lol
Truthfully...I never liked counting calories because I eat mostly homemade food and who has the time or the math skills to break down a homemade meal that way to find it's calorie/carb/fat content. besides...I'm a whole food eater most of the time and if it grew off a plant then it can't be that bad for you...it's when something comes with a lable of calories/fat/carbs that something must be bad for you. So I never bother counting calories.
Now If I want something and it happenes to have a lable and I look and it has a stupid amount of fat/sugar/calories.."Screw that, I can make this with a fraction of the crap that's in this." I'm very disgusted with the food on store shelves...it's hardly food.
You have to find your happy, comfortable medium. What healthy foods do you like? What unhealthy foods do you like? Is there a way you can make your unhealthy foods less unhealthy? Are you craving the same foods? Or is it just something about that food you crave? The crunch, the salt, the flavor, the memories? Cravings killed me for years...as you can see I've been around here for a long time to lose so little weight...but it's comming of slowing because I'm slowly getting rid of those cravings. I can't stomach 3/4 the food I use to eat anymore because I researched and heck if I'm loading my body with that stuff and it plain 'ol just dose not taste or even look good anymore.

Try not to think about it so much. I know for a lot of us, we have to think about food all the time, what to make ahead so we can make sure we eat healthy, what to avoid and so on. "Will their be healthy food at this place? or will I have to stick with the vegtable side dish all night?" I think for some..this goes away as it becomes second nature to us..old habits die hard, so it will take time.

soon you'll stop thinking- "No, I can't have that, my diet says it's not allowed." To "No I don't want that, it's not allowed in my healthy body."
Eh, sorry for rambling. I just know right where you're comming from. I suffered from this for many years. I hated "Diets" and what I was not allowed to eat no matter how much I really, really, really wanted it. and how much of a horible person I felt because I couldn't stay on diet and control what my own mouth was chewing on.

I pulled the definition of diet off of the internet.

1 a : food and drink regularly provided or consumed b : habitual nourishment c : the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reason d : a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight <going on a diet>
2 : something provided or experienced repeatedly <a diet of Broadway shows and nightclubs — Frederick Wyatt>

The definition reminds me that a diet is simply the habit of daily eating. Your regular diet will determine your weight and your nutrition level. When we talk of dieting, we talk about eating to maintain a new weight. What you are eating now maintains your current weight. If you don't like your size, you will need to find a new daily diet to maintain a new weight.

What I wrote is pretty obvious, but it's also scary. It means change and developing new habits may be difficult. And for me, I was afraid to change because I used food like a drug. I ate to push away feelings and also I used to say that my life was miserable because I ate too much. I was stuck in a cycle of overeating and hating myself for it. I would say I wanted to be thin AND also eat whenever I wanted.

For me, I knew I couldn't keep my past diet because it had no food in it. I seriously ate food with no vitamins or fiber, only calories. I was overeating, but I was malnourished. It sounds like you eat real food, so you don't have to be so radical. I designed a plan that works for a lot of food addicts- no sugar, no flour, low stach, etc. I'm not on a low carb plan, but I stay away from foods that are high on the glycemic index. And I don't get that crazy, hungry feeling anymore.

One thing I should say about hunger is it's not that bad of a feeling. Now that I'm thinner, I get more hungry than I used to. I'm not living off of 2,000 calorie night time binges anymore. When I get hungry, it's usually before meal time. I used to be "hungry" all the time, which really wasn't hunger at all- it was my inner 2 year old demanding comfort through sugar.

When I noticed a weight loss on the scale, I couldn't believe it. My plan was working. And I dropped weight. I have had relapses and binges, but now I like my eating plan. And I go back to it my eating plan if I have an episode of emotional eating.

Good luck in your journey.

Mtivated chickie...good point well made, you're where I'm heading to, controlling myself Well done x

This by Rosinante is actually quite profound
It's true that 'all' we need to do is eat healthily (having first worked out from all the information thrown at us, what healthy actually is).

blonie123, you're on a diet now. It's a high-fat, high-calorie diet. It has no upper limit on calories. If you stay on this diet, you will gain weight. I guarantee it.

As a start, it might help for you to consider your food choices with something other than your tongue. Children always want to eat the goodies, but good parents don't let them. Think of being a loving parent to yourself.

Losing weight, for someone who has become overweight/obese, is not about limitless choice. This has to be accepted.

When you look at a menu, consider more than what looks like it will taste the best. Think about nutrition, think about portion sizes. I ate steak while losing weight--but as Sakai said, not a steak the size of the dinner plate. I ate baked potato, too, but I had to consider how much to eat, and how much stuff to put on it. Sometimes I would add a half-tablespoon of butter with some salt and pepper. A good baked potato tastes just fine this way. Now, I prefer that.

You might also consider counseling with a professional who has experience with food issues--to look into why food has such tremendous importance to you. But you don't have to solve that question completely before you begin to make changes.

Good luck!
Jay

Don't be fooled by the occasional person who says "I'm not hungry eating X calories" (which is far less than what they ate before). Those people are rare. Those people may have a different mental mindset than you - and to be honest - a lot of them are probably not counting right either.

It is normal and very common to be a little hungry when eating below maintenance calories (not "diet").

If "dieting" (eating below maintenance) was done without effort, this site wouldn't exist. Nobody here would need help or support. Def not the case in reality

Boy did I recognize the "annoyance" that no matter what you call it (diet, way of eathing, lifestyle plan) a description of how to eat to lose weight invariably has you eating steamed vegetables instead of pepperoni pizza.

What works for me is calorie counting so that I could pick exactly the foods I like. I started with a fairly high calorie budget so that I wasn't initially changing much about what I was eating. Start out by eating what you want and just tracking it. When you discover what your average consumption is now, cut it by 10%. If you lose at a rate that you like, you've got it. If not, cut by another 10%. Repeat as needed until you find a level that lets you eat the food you want and lose weight.

A bit of magic happens. Once I found the scale going down, I kept making easy adjustments to keep me satisfied but cut the calorie count further. For example, making a 3 oz. hamburger instead of 4 oz. A milkshake made with skim milk and lowfat ice cream instead of an ice cream bar.

Now that I'm closing in on goal, I find I'm eating a diet I would have found discouraging and too extreme when I started. But I still don't eat steamed vegetables. And the pizza is homemade with turkey pepperoni.

Good point - what I do is eat HEALTHY foods COMBINED with counting calories.

But I consider counting calories to be PART of my healthy lifestyle. Because the single healthiest thing we can do is to be a healthy weight. And one can easily *fool* themselves by thinking/saying that they are eating healthy FOODS, not paying attention to the AMOUNT of healthy foods they are ingesting.

Perfect way to put it. Because we are all on some sort of diet - the types of foods that we eat, the diet that we adhere to.

Well, I'm all for eating (and being) healthy.

But you can eat healthy and not lose weight. Losing weight is hard and you have to be proactive about it. You need to create a calorie deficit -- either through consuming less or moving more. Usually, this requires significant changes to your "diet."

I eat almost exclusively whole foods, but unless I'm actively monitoring what I eat and restricting calories, I will not lose weight. My diet, though, is healthy.