Wow! Even just putting that in the subject line and having it out there like that feels like a lot.

I've realized that I'm afraid of that number that the scale is going to show me. I've felt like it defines me for far too long. When I tell myself that it doesn't, I wonder who I really am and how I am supposed to define myself if not by that number. I am realizing that all of these thoughts scare the crap out of me and I am unsure how to handle them.

I am going to the doctor today and I am going to look at the scale when I weigh myself. I am going to look at it. I am going to read that number and I am going to be OK with it.

How do you know how far you've gone if you don't know where you've started, right? I have realized that this is a huge fear and I need to face it head on and work though it. I want to know this number today and use it to achieve my first mini goal which is to buy a scale for my home and weigh myself on it to show the weight I have lost staying on plan for 2 weeks.

Thank you for letting me get that out. I needed to get it out there and talk about it.

Have any of you been really afraid of the scale like that? I used to always say that I didn't care about the number, it was all in how my clothes used to fit me. But in reality the idea of stepping on a scale and seeing the number terrified me.

Vixsin,

Thank you for sharing! I honestly thought I was the only one that felt like that! Somehow I got it into my head that I SHOULDN'T weigh myself because that would make things worse.... so I went 3 years without doing it! After a while, when my clothes got too small, I became too afraid. My first weigh in in 3 years was July 17th when I decided enough was enough, I am DONE being fat and going to lose it.
I am going to use the scale as a guide to chart my progress and to keep me accountable. I realize now that if I don't I'll just rationalize everything away.....I gained back 55 pounds when I stopped weighing. I think I need it as a voice of reason.
Good luck!

I feel like that all the time! There are times when I can't sleep at night because I am constantly thinking about what the scale will say in the morning. There will be times when I am thinking about how I shouldn't have eaten that extra fudgsticle of something stupid like that and I will lost sleep over something like that! I am sick of it and have been getting better though. Funny you post this because last night I sort of "fell off the wagon" and I couldnt sleep because I was fearful of what the scale would say. I still need help in this area because I dont want the scale to determine my day. Right now I am bummed out because I gained a bunch of water weight due to all the sodium I ate last night... and I don't want to feel this way. I think the scale brings me to the realization of how I cannot overeat like I used to and binge. And just like what lolcat said... it is more of a tool for accountability and I am beginning to realize that as well. Best of luck to you!

I am deliberately weighing daily to try and break the fear the scale holds for me. I still get days when an increase is disappointing but the days when an increase Devastates me are getting fewer and farther between. Kind of aversion therapy, I suppose!

Actually, it's more about teaching myself greater responsibility, greater reality. All too often in the past, I've viewed a loss as some kind of gift from the Diet Fairy, and a gain as a malicious penalty from the Fat God, as if I had nothing to do with it. Obviously, there are times when no matter how hard we try, the scale shows a gain due to water retention, or something else beyond our control - it's those times I'm learning to cope with as a matter of biology, rather than some divine curse.

Thank you for your responses!!! They have all really helped me to see that the scale should be used as a TOOL and not be an obssession. I am going to the doc in a half hour. I am ready to face the scale!

Send me some hugs and positive thoughts!! I'll update tomorrow.

Well I didn't freak out. I read that number and now I know where I am starting from. I didn't cry and give myself permission to binge. I felt super empowered! Thanks for your help and positive words.

Congrats! You can do it!! We're here for you!

Great job of facing up to it, seriously. That's really brave and I hope it does nothing but help you...I can definitely speak from experience.

I would never look at the scale at the doctor's office and forbid the nurse from telling me. It was a huge issue-it had been at least 4 or 5 years since I'd weighed (Had no idea how to control weight when I was younger, so I grew to hate the thing).

Even when I made the decision to lose this year, I didn't even weigh for the first month or two that I started because I just didn't want to see until I was a certain size. Finally I got sick of not being able to track my progress and see what was actually happening every week so I manned up and faced it. It was only devastating because I had a range in my head I thought I weighed but not weighing for so long had made me delusional. I was so mad/disappointed at myself for the night but you let it go quickly and get on with the new journey...it's kind of a load off to know what needs to be done.

So I don't even know what my starting weight was and now I wish I kinda did. I may have lost more than 30 pounds, but I couldn't tell. Since I started weighing, it's helped me a lot to know what I'm doing and not doing right. At first I didn't believe it since the first 10-15 pounds after I weighed came off rather fast but it is consistent. I wouldn't call it a friend, but a mighty helper.

As silly and little as it sounds, putting a scale in my bathroom has been one of the greatest things I've done for me this year.

I haven't weighed myself in 1.5 years. So this morning my friend weighed me and I closed my eyes. She's the only one in the world right now with the number, and I don't know the number myself.

I am in a 30-day hot yoga challenge, so I told her at the end of this month (at the end of the challenge) I will finally weigh myself. After I weigh myself and see what the number is, I will ask her what the number WAS and see how much weight I lost by doing the challenge.

I am estimating by my clothes that I've lost maybe around 15 lb or so since I started calorie counting and hot yoga in April 2010.

Wish me luck!

~BreathingSpace~

I've had the very same experience. I have been terrified of the scale - I would feel awful just thinking about it. I would go to the doctor, keep my eyes away from the scale when I was on it and never knew the exact number.

In June, I decided that running away from it is harder than facing it. I went to the doctor, looked at the number and then I went to WW. I had the same determination to just see the number and not feel guilty about it.

Good for you for being so brave! It takes a lot to face the scale.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Well done, Vixsin!

Aww!!! Thank you for the support you guys!!!! It really means alot to me.

I was coming on today to give you all an update and found all of thse wonderful replies. It really means something when you can relate to another person. It really does help that alone feeling.

So, since I conquered Fear #1 which was just to look at the scale and see my true weight, I decided that it was time to conquer Fear #2 since they go hand in hand with one another and that one was to buy a scale to have in my house.

I bought it yesterday and weighed myself last night after the boy went to bed. I had a moment of panic while the display was calculating my weight but I quickly reminded myself what I was doing and that hopefully the number will be smaller. And do you know what happened????

I lost 3 pounds!!!! ::happy dancin:: I do have to admit that my IDT gene (I deserve this!!) kicked in and I wanted to make myself a nice PB & J sandwich. I didn't, I reminded myself that it's because of eating the way I have been is why the weight is coming off. I munched on frozen grapes instead (my new fave!).

My official weigh in day is Monday. I am excited to stay on plan this weekend by planning my meals and cooking at home. I am also excited to go to the grocery store and pick out a couple new veggies to cook. I think I am going to reward myself by picking out a new spice to try.

Thank you guys again for all of the support. I truly feel that I am at the beginning of the journey that's going to be the last one this time.

Vixsin,

I so identify with you. It took several weeks for me to get on the scale initially. I had to get my start weight from insurance papers. When the nurse weighed me that day I purposely TOLD her to not tell me--and of course, I didn't look!

What I have come to realize is that the scale shouldn't be feared. WE are in control of that number---not the friggin' scale. We have the ability to make it go up, go down or stay the same.

Hey! Great job on the weightloss. As you continue going down, you are going to LOVE seeing those numbers drop!

Congratulations for facing your fears. It can be really hard if we give the scales that much power, but if we look at it as just an inanimate tool that gives us a piece of data, then it's not so bad. After all, we need to know the starting point so we can chart our progress, right? So good for you. And congratulations on the 3 pound loss. You're on your way!

I fear the scale not for what it tells me but what it won't tell me. I want to be smaller and I convince myself that somehow I am if I skip a few meals here and there but then I jump on the scale and shows me the truth and I get discouraged and eat because I figure whats 1or 5 more pounds on top of what I already weigh.