I havent binged in 4 weeks now. Not since I started my new diet and Im so motivated and been so good. Except for the past 3 days... you know that feeling you get when you KNOW a binge is coming and you try to resist it and everyday something inside you is getting tighter and tighter and you know its going to snap and then there is no control and no limits and 3 hours later, you are lying on the sofa full of remorese? Well thats me now! Today i suddenly had this vision of me shoving cupcakes in my mouth and it was so real, I could TASTE the freakin' cupcakes!
I dont want to binge! I have this mantra that I tell myself that the only person who is oging to put food in my mouth is me and it used to work. my "thin" future self vision used to work but now they dont. I am so obsessed by food that I keep coming up with reasons why I should cheat. eg. ive been on protein too long I should carb up so my body doenst get used to the diet, I can binge but then go on pure protein day and it wont matter etc.
The only thing thats working right now is that I weigh myself everyday and the scale goes down everyday. I am terrified that if one of these days the scale hasnt mve or gone up, that will be the trigger for my binge. I feel so scared and out of control and so incredibly tense and unhappy and I dont know what to do or how to stop it. I dont know who to talk to who understands and I thank god everyday that I found this forum because otherwise, my life would completely suck!!


