Patience has never been one of my strongest virtues, and I'm feeling very impatient today. My church has a softball team and because I'm so limited by my heart problems and weight, I can't play with them. Yesterday we had a game, and I was so sad watching. Everyone was having a great time, and I wanted so much to be out there playing with them. I've spent so much of my life on the bench, and I don't want to do it anymore. But even with the weight I've lost and the exercise, I don't feel like I have any more energy or endurance. It is so hard for me even to do everyday stuff like just standing during Praise and Worship in church let alone run bases. When will the energy and endurance finally come? I'm worried that I'm doomed to never be physically fit because of my heart problems, and the energy and endurance will never come. Has anyone else been dealing with this? How are you handling it? Thanks for reading.

I understand how you are feeling. I thought losing 120 pounds would make a bigger difference in how I feel. I have rheumatoid arthritis so I know the weight loss is better for my joints, but my pain level has not improved that much. My endurance has tho. Hoping as we both continue on our journey we will grow in strength and endurance.

Dear Ohlove,
You have come a long way already, you should be so proud! Maybe you can talk with the coach, and show up for practice. It would be great exercise! I am not talking running laps at first, you might start out tossing the ball with a team mate, and advance as you and your heart make progress. I think the team atmosphere would be great support, and you would no longer be on the sidelines. I get impatient also, 2 pounds a week sounds like torture, but we have to be in it for the long haul girl! You can do this, even if the team can't make room for you, just start a gentle activity, and increase the intensity at your own pace. Do you have a Cardiologist? Make an appointment with him and get his advice, you may be surprised what you can do! Good Luck!

Try not to feel sad. You are on a journey to better health and this feeling is temporary! With that said, I still feel lethargiic, even after losing over 100 lbs. There are many things that I still can't do that I want to be able to do. One of the things that I do to make me stop looking at the things I can't do: I make sure I list things that I *can* do. I call them "wows". One of my wows in the last 35 lbs is being able to reach the fuel release lever inside my car on the floor without having to open the door and step out.

Other things:
My back doesn't go out as much or for as long
I don't worry about fitting in 90% of chairs (the damn white plastic ones don't count! LOL)

Keep going forward and go to the Positive Things thread. That might help you to focus on your success.

Hugs,
Ratkity

Since this is your church group, is it possible you could be a warm-up buddy?
You are able to help them warm up playing catch, stretching with them, tossing the ball around a bit. A lot of teams are more than happy to do that.
Also, find a batting cage close to home and see how long you can go. that will help you too figure out just where you are at endurance wise.
How about putting some yoga into your exercise too? The breathing helps build your endurance and keeps you centered.

I totally understand where you are coming from!! My brother goes roller skating ever year for his birthday. That is something i did all the time as a kid. His birthday is in January..this year I SO want to skate. I am usually the camera lady. Sitting and watching life SUCKS.

Try not to be sad...you will get there. Maybe you could do something else on the team and feel apart of it. I know its not the same as actually playing but maybe you could. ASK!

You may never feel like you have gained energy and endurance. Not because you haven't, but because the change is so gradual, you won't realize it and will even forget what you couldn't do before.

Sometimes I still feel that way. I have to actually make a list of things I couldn't do at the beginning that I can do now. The list is impressive, but I don't remember when the improvements happened. I never felt "Wow, I washed my hair in the shower without my arms acheing." It just sort of happened. Not needing the electric cart in Walmart - I don't remember when it happened.

Health improvements occur gradually, not suddenly - so unless you're looking for them, you won't see them. You may not even remember it ever being any other way. That's why journaling can be so helpful, you've got a record of what you could or couldn't do.

I keep an exercise "sticker chart" (they looks like a blank bingo card printed on a piece of light cardstock. I used cardstock so that they'd be durable). I give myself a sticker for every time I exercise for at least 10 minutes, and I leave room in the box to write down the date and what I did, and for how long. I've really just started doing this, so I don't see the "progress" yet, but I know I will. If I keep my charts, I will be able to look through them and see the progress - "oh look I started out exercising for 5 minutes twice a week, and now I'm up to 20 minutes almost every day, and once in a while even longer...."

I do know that I move around much, much more than when I started, but I have no documentation of that. I wish I had kept better records (I have a bad habit of throwing away my journals in periodic housecleaning. I vow to keep them, but I always end up throwing them away. I really want to stop that, because I do want a record of my progress).

You can get off the bench, but it will have to be in very small increments. That does make playing on a sports team unlikely (unless you can find at least two teams of people of comparable fitness).

But there are other ways to get off the bench. My husband and I and a friend went geocaching a few weeks ago. I love the sport (treasure hunting using a gps unit). The friend is much more physically fit than either my husband or I, so she does search caches that are beyond our abilities, and the day we went hubby had more endurance than I did (sometimes I'm in better shape than he is. His health issues are constant and mine are subject to flares).

As a result, it was impossible for me to keep up with their preferred pace, but they slowed it down for me. I got a huffing-puffing workout, and they got a leisurely stroll. Still a win-win situation for everyone (and for our friend's dog, she loved the slower pace as she was able to sniff all sorts of interesting things).

I ride my bike, even though I can't do more than about 10 to 15 minutes before I'm tired. I'm also phobic of traffic, so I ride around the appartment complex parking lots. It probably looks ridiculous, but it feels like such an achievement because I thought for so many years "I can't ride a bike, I'm too fat." When we bought the bikes a few years ago, I couldn't even ride for 5 minutes. I thought I was crazy for buying a bike that I couldn't ride for more than a few minutes at a time, but I got over it, reminding myself how awesome it was for me to be actually doing something I thought I couldn't do at all. It was silly, but it seemed like a huge, symbolic achievement.

Instead of looking at what you can't (yet) do, start with something you know you can do a little, and try to do it a little longer. Eventually start trying some things you're not sure whether or not you can do. Build on successes, and when you don't experience success, try easier but similar tasks for yourself.

If you challenge yourself (doesn't have to be a big challenge), you will see improvement, but you may never notice a big change. Because you'll have done it gradually, it will hardly feel like a change at all.

Thanks, everyone. I am already pretty involved with the team. I go to all of the practices because my friends play, so I’ve become team babysitter and I’m official team photographer during games. I just want to play. I used to be really into sports (volleyball, basketball, tennis, softball) before I got sick, and I miss it so much. Feeling like I’m missing out is such a huge feeling for me right now. I talked my mom into playing catch with me last night for a few minutes, and today I bought myself a softball glove so I can work on building endurance again. It is my goal that I WILL be playing next summer, and I will rock it.

Azcyn, that is exactly how I feel. Sitting and watching life. I’m on the bench all of the time, not just at softball and it does suck. You are all right about trying to be involved in what I can do, and I’m really trying to do that. I'll be looking forward to hearing your stories about skating for your brother's bday because you can so accomplish it.

Sweetcakes, I did look up some yoga breathing and tried it. I found some that are supposed to be good for the respiratory and cardiovascular systems. Thanks for the suggestion. I’m going to try to work it into my daily routine.

Lol, Ratkitten, I hate those freaking white, plastic chairs. I will definitely be looking forward to the “wows.”

Lewisempire, I do have a cardiologist who is really unhelpful. I tried talking to him about exercise before I started trying to lose weight, and all he said was that I “have to sweat.” Ugh. Two pounds a week is maddening! I guess it would be good for me to develop a little more patience. I definitely don’t want to doom myself thinking about exactly how long the haul is. Working at a couple of pounds a week for the next few years is better than living the entire rest of my life on the bench.

Joy, I’m sorry you’re still in pain. Losing 120 pounds is amazing, and I truly hope you will begin feeling better and stronger.

Kaplods, you make a great point. I’m sure things have improved, and I’m just not seeing it. I thought about it, and the first few times during Praise and Worship (I started going in April and it usually lasts about 30+ minutes at my church) I had to sit before it was done. Now, I still sweat like crazy, feel tired, and my heart rate is high, but I can stand the whole time (kinda leaning forward on the seat in front of me) but it is something, and I just need to keep in mind that it will get better still.

Thanks again!

Look at it from the other side....next summer will come whether or not you lose the weight. So, use the next 10 months as prep for being there next summer. You aren't missing out now, you are getting ready for next year. Plus, you can honestly say you lost 35 pounds, so hey!!!!!! WHOOO HOOO

2 lbs a week is 104 lbs in a year.

Imagine yourself 104 lbs lighter!! Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees. I *understand*...I have been there....I was the fat chick sitting next to you on the bench watching life pass me by.

Believe me when I say it will get better. You can do this! Getting my mobility back is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Being a healthier person is the best gift to give yourself.

Thanks, Sidrah. I will definitely keep next summer in my mind as a goal.

Torister, you are completely right. When I've lost 104 lbs, I'll be at 280 pounds. I haven't been at 280 lbs since maybe high school. I can't imagine how good it will feel to even be back at that weight.

I just wanted to thank everyone again for helping me through a rough spot and encouraging me. Yesterday, I actually played softball with my team for the first time. I even surprised myself when I picked up the bat and, after only a couple of practice pitches, I was consistently hitting the ball hard and far! No one caught a single ball I hit! All of the guys on my team were teasing me about saying I wasn't sure if I could hit. And we won! Even better our team of 23-60+ year olds actually beat a team of 18-26 year olds. The feeling of doing something that a few weeks ago I thought I couldn't do is just incredible.

That's a GREAT idea!!! Fortunately, I have plotted my exercise in the threads here, so I should be able to go back and mark it on my calendar. Thank you SO MUCH for the idea!!!

I absolutely LOVE geocaching and it is a GREAT and fun way to get exercise. I have, on some days out caching, walked up to 4 miles easily. Because you're searching for your find, it passes way more quickly than when you're walking on a treadmill. Plus it's a great way to get out and learn areas of your city that you aren't very familiar with. We have had some great finds while out geocaching that weren't intentional...the other week we got to watch a mama horse and a newborn foal who was still wobbly-legged as he got up and tried to eat some grass. It was a great unexpected bonus!!! Thanks for reminding me, too, that I can add my minutes of geocaching to my exercise total for July!!!

Congratulations!!! I know that felt awesome and I, for one, am VERY proud of you!!! Great job!!!