Hi everyone!
I am new at this board and I am from Europe. I am trying to spell English at my best and I hope you will understand me :-)

I reached my rock bottom yesterday and last night. I am not sure what really triggered it but I am sure it is my lowest point ever regarding my weight. I feel depressed for sometime now and I was everything than a depressed person before. Maybe I have realized that I did not get to any of my goals in life. I am single, dont have kids, and totally alone. In last five years I lost my best cousin, the girl that I grew up with, I lost my brother and my ever best friend. They all died young. **** happens I know but I feel like I dont have anyone and anything in the world anymore and I dont see the point in anything really. I do have some other friends but I do understand how it feels when you are old and all of your friends died before you...now I do understand old people saying that...

That is just about how I feel and why I dont care about my weight....I did lost some in last 7 years, but after my brother died I reached the highest ever - around - 250 pounds...

This is what I wrote last night...

"I guess that moment is today for me. I just cant stand it anymore...I look old, I look like I am my mother...and my mother looks are not great! I never looked like a child or a girl or woman...I always looked like an old women...I am 35 now and I look like almost 50...No man asks me out...I get only married leftovers...and even they don’t appreciate me...I am 2 days just laying down depressed...not moving out from the house...and I was not a depressive person before...I just cant stand it anymore...

And I also look pregnant because the most of my weight is at my belly...at some times I had bigger belly that my friend that was pregnant....we laugh to that but even than I wanted to cry and I was so embarrassed of that...
I just want to sit down and cry....I am not a bad person...I am just freaking fat...I am going on a diet tomorrow...I am

...and I saw myself at the mirorre yesterday..naked...

p.s.
I have something to admit also - I am kind of chat adict. It makes me so frustrated to chat but I still do it. I will quit that first because it makes me frustrated and depressed. But for now I dont want to talk about it :-) "

I am writing all of that here because I want to remember it...and this is the first time I admitted it....I am kind of smiling person...saying always...its ok...dont worry. no I don’t mind my looks. no I dont mind if you are rude and in a bad mod...i am always in a good mood...yeah, I dont mind if you think that I am pregnant...yeah...you know...

Also, I chat a lot sometimes. I have noticed that chatting makes me more depressed than I am. And I hate it in fact. After the day on internet chat I feel frustrated so much and angry and whatever...that is not normal really...its like I pick up all the negative energies from the people in chat room. and there are lots of negative energies there, trust me on that...so as you can see I have lots of issues to deal with...parents issues also...past lovers and so on...but this is the first time that I actually ADMIT I DO HAVE PROBLEMS THAT I HAVE TO SOLVE....so I think I am on the right path...wish me luck...

I have to put me first and I dont know that because I had bad perents and they always said that I am stuck up and not worth nothing.

Finally I have reached the point that I cant go on like this anymore. Or I am going to change or I am going to die. I hope I will do the first! :-)

I think I know how you feel... saying that you can often smile and put on a good face and be optimistic, even when on the inside you are not always. But since you can do it on the outside, other people see that and they can drag you down with all their problems. I feel like that often too.

Welcome to the forum! I hope we can be positive and uplifting here for you. You CAN lose the weight, it's very possible. I was overweight all my life and it just took a few lifestyle changes for me to start losing the weight. It helps me feel better about myself, and be more positive and less degrading of myself. I can do more! You will be able to do this too! Find a community on here... wherever you fit in. Under support groups there is one called the "30-somethings". There are also others! Based on faith, lifestyle, etc. You will find TONS of encouraging people!!

Again, welcome!

Hi Everlasting and thank you for your welcome! You wrote one very important thing - you said that it is possible to loose weight - and that is the thing I have to repeat to myself because deep inside I am not sure about that. But that will become my daily mantra and thank you for that!!!

Hi and welcome to 3FC.

Good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle

Hey, welcome here! I also live in Europe and I am also 5'5"... and I am fed up, as well. And good for your for realising that you must put YOU first. Maybe you can look at the things you have written here for motivation whenever you are having a hard time.

All the best to you!!

Hi girls,
thank you so much for the welcome. I am sure I will find the way to get over this...I decided to give myself some time before I start a diet...that is decision from today...Maybe it sounds strange but its not.

I have a few stressful events coming up and I know that I will blew it so I will just get frustrated more than I am now. Because of that I decided that in next month I will try to take care of all the things I had (memory to my brother, 4 years that he passed on will be in a few days, stressful business trip to Slovakia and some other things....). In that time I will try to make good basics for the diet but I will not force anything....I will try to put my business in order....

@fiveston, nice to meet you, too! I hope you understand those pounds staff as we prefer kg :-) Keep in touch! Where are you from Europe?

Hi -- I didn't notice this back in May! Hope that you are doing well with your weight loss journey. I live in Austria. How about you? And I know what you mean about kilos, I just jumped off the kilo scale. One thing about it, the weight loss doesn't seem quite as pronounced on a scale in kilos -- I have had both. But as long as we lose the weight, right?

Welcome! Good luck with your goals. I know you can do it.

Dhani