I have failed at maintenance.

When I reached my goal weight, I never would have thought that I would regain weight. I knew that I had to keep watching what I ate, keep up with my exercise. I knew this.

Five months after my goal weight, I reached my low weight of 147. This was great. I never thought I would go down the path of gaining weight.

I thought my willpower, my good habits, my knowledge, all my experience... I thought I'd be able to keep it up.

I kept at my low weight for eight months, into 2008. So now I was over a year into maintenance. Then I went on a trip where things fell apart a bit. My weight went up five pounds--and stayed there. And then it started to climb, bit by bit, a little at a time. Up some--down--up a little more--down.

I worked. I tried. I kept slipping. I kept restarting. I increased my exercise and got my weight down almost--but not quite--to where it had been, by early 2009. And I overdid the exercise and had to back off.

By May 2009 I was up another 5 pounds. This has to stop, I said. I have to get back on track, I said.

I could manage two weeks, three weeks, being really strict. I would lose 3 pounds. Every time I slipped off plan, I would gain those pounds and two more. I lost very slowly, but I seemed to regain in a matter of days. I couldn't keep up!

I was not binge eating. I was not scarfing down junk food. I wasn't even going over 2000 calories, except rarely! I was overeating, but it didn't seem as though I was overeating at the rate at which I was gaining.

I was 10 pounds over my low weight by July 2009.

By November 2009, I was up 19 pounds. I restarted my weight loss plan. It lasted two weeks. I had dropped weight and bounced right back up.

By February 2010, I was up 23 pounds. I could stick with nothing as far as food plans for longer than a couple weeks. I continued to go to the gym, but it was getting harder. Imagine carrying a large bag of cat litter while on the treadmill. That's what I'm carrying now.

Today I am up 25 pounds from my low weight of December 2007. I've failed to maintain, and I am having no success in trying to stay with any kind of weight loss plan. I can't imagine a way out, and I'm at a loss. My motivation, commitment, and discipline have all failed me.

I never thought I would be in this position, just another one of the many who regain their lost weight--but here I am.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, except to come clean.

So there you have it.

Jay

I'm so sorry. I wish I had some words of advice, but I don't. Just never give up. You CAN get back into control. I know you can.

AND you are not a failure!

May I take that since you posted you still want to weigh at goal weight. And at the risk of someone who hasn't even gotten to her final goal weight my I offer a few observations. Please disregardafter #1 if they do not apply.

1. Have enjoyed your posts so very much. Thank you for the help you have given me to get to the success I have now. I get the pounds on your back. I am having a blast horse back riding at this low weight. Easier on my knees, leg, back, rump, and not even mention the poor horse.
2. Weight loss occurs with a calorie deficit. If you want to lose, create that deficit.
3. Anyone, anytime can lose. You can too!
4. While losing did you develop delicious, delightful meals you looked forward to eating.
5. Did you plan? I am a trip queen. I am going to FL tomorrow: Orlando, Disney, space shuttle, visiting old dear friends. Out of the house for a week. I have planned this baby out. Check the chat. Last month I was in Monterey for a week at a resort with family. I could get low calorie breakfast easily but I didn't plan as diligently. I weighed that Monday, weight was up, took the hit, and have eaten low since. I am now on track. I did not want a repeat.
6. Some might say, where is the spontaneity? I find it more spontaneous to wear something cute and keeping up with my children and grand children. I used habits I had built from prior out to eats and called the hotel to find out their definition of continental. I am still amzed I had never done that before. But I call all the time now, so it felt familiar to do so. I am so glad I did because they rotate out oatmeal with items that all start in the 700 cal range. I think the biscuits and gravy was the lowest cal item I heard.
7. With these concerns in mind, we got a suite with a kitchen and bringing ingredients to make things that are delicious and easy. Also helps on the pocket book and time management because we are eating in.
8. Above is what I did with my parameters, you can make this work with yours.
9. I know this wasn't a trip lament but I listed above to show how I am planning ahead which is new for me too.
10. If you want to lose weight, which is your choice, I will help anyway that I can.
11. If you chose not to relose the weight I hope you continue to post. You are a kind woman.

Thanks for sharing. I understand perfectlly . Many of us have had the same experience. I know I have. I am wondering about your maintenance calories 2000 calories sounds like too much , I would think 1800 would be a better calorie count to maintain at 147.

you are NOT a failure! Every journey has some wrong turns and back tracking but you aren't lost yet (just exploring a bit of the countryside you'd wished to avoid!)

Have you checked in with your doctor to make sure there isn't a physical reason the weight seems to be coming back so quickly?

I'm so far away from being a maintainer that I can't begin to offer insight or advice but don't give up. There are great folks here who can and I know you find the right path again.

Jay, you may have stumbled, You have not failed. You have, by my calculations, maintained a 26 lb loss. One day at a time. I too struggle. You are not alone.

Jay You are not a FAILURE! The Maintenance Library has TFL Keys. They have one called TFL Key #5 Nip It In The Bud: Break The Relapse Cycle. Maybe, that would help. I also hear people talking about the Beck Diet book. It works with any diet. Don't be so hard on yourself. Now that Summer is just about here, do you have outside activity you enjoy doing for exercise? Maybe, start a new activity or hobby. I would like to learn some type of martial arts someday. Good Luck!

Jay I am in the same boat.

In August of 2007 I weighed 126.2 lbs and thought I had it cold. I was struggling to STOP LOSING. By March I was up to 135 which was DEFINITELY over my maintenance range. By August of 2008 I was up to 137 lbs but I was in the push to qualify for Boston and to cut calories and maintain training is just hard.

I qualified for Boston in October and by the end of December I was up to 141 lbs. And then I weaned my son. He was only nursing 1-2 times a day so how much could he burn? Apparently the process of making milk meant many more calories than he ate. And then in January 2009 I got injured. By the time we figured out the problem in July I was up to 149. And I came home from boston last month at 156.2 a full 30 lbs over

I lost 5 lbs about 10 times between January 2009 and April 2010, and each time I regained 5 + 2-5 more. I just couldnt find the formula, the heart to redo what I had done under such drastic changes in metabolism. And still injured, forever injured. What used to work no longer worked. I went back for awhile and followed my food plan for a few weeks from when I was losing and I wasnt losing, I was gaining.

It wasnt until I lay in the hotel room in Boston pretending to be happy that I ran it a full 38 minutes slower than I used to be that I got pissed enough to figure out how to go again. Because I know that I am not capable of sustaining myself on less than 1700-2000 calories a day. I am not. I will binge if I try, and my metabolism goes to heck because all I can do is sleep all day. So now I am working the other end, hard.

It is terribly hard when what worked the first time no longer works. It isnt a failure, it just means relearning everything about us that we thought we knew already.

Jay, please don't think that you're a failure. This is a very hard time right now, but there's still fight left in you.

Please keep posting so we can support you no matter what.

I agree with everyone else that you should NOT think of yourself as a failure. As we always say, this weight loss/maintenance thing is a lifetime journey and we will have ups and downs. I'm right there with you (though with considerably more weight packed on and a lot less experience at maintaining). I got pregnant immediately when I reached my goal weight in 2007, and I gained back 80 of the 110 pounds I'd lost. I've been 65 or so pounds away from goal since giving birth in August of 2008! I can't seem to get it together. I've tried repeatedly, of course, but I'm really struggling. I've been doing ok since this past Friday, though, and I'm really going to try to make it stick. I know I can do it, and I know you can too.

You are so not a failure! I'm so sorry you are struggling. I wish I had words of wisdom but I don't....... Hugs to you!

As long as you label yourself a failure, you are not going to have the right mindset that it takes to lose the weight again. Please believe in yourself and allow yourself the time and patience to get things going in the right direction.
No one on 3FC is a failure, because we are all here together, trying to get it right. That includes you!

Sending hugs and supportive thoughts Jay (JayEll) for you to find you way back to your plans and the strategies that work for you.
Kudos for the post - for setting yourself up to get back on your horse.