As I am creeping up in my years, I am really getting a bit panicked and nervous, and honestly, upset at myself for my weight. I am realizing how much my weight is really impacting the life I want for myself. At this weight, I cannot do a lot of physical activities, even if I wanted to, because it would just wear me out or I might have injuries (say, doing a big marathon, or going on the type of hike I want that requires some upper body strength). I still have the issue with some chairs, and clothes and shoes are always an issue it seems. There is also the issue of weight and how it affects how you are perceived professionally, and even your anticipated income!

I keep saying that when I reach a certain weight it will be easier for me to do certain things. I realize that I have been saying that for years, and I feel like it is just silly at this point.

I also see people who seem to have these normal, regular lives, through almost no effort, just by chance. And that is what I want. A normal, regular life. Since my breakup, I have been having an increased fear of being alone, and I have worried about becoming the older woman alone in her apartment. Sometimes I look at other people and how they say they got with their partner and created their family seems so effortless in a lot of ways.

I just find myself a bit upset at myself for how I have let my weight shape my life and limit myself. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I realize that sticking with my healthier eating and working on home projects and even the idea of going back to school are good steps in the right direction.

Milliondollarbbw - oh wow.... it's like you looked in my head and wrote that post out of what you saw inside. Trust me, you're not alone in how you feel.

And yes, those things are steps in the right direction. Just keep it up.

#1 is managing a chronic medical condition. I have a physical disorer called TOS that could possibly be improved if I were to lose weight and get fit. This disorder can at times cause continual upper body pain and leave me unable to do many tasks that a normal person could do with no problem. It also limits my employment possiblities. Losing weight may not help at all, or it could make a world of a difference, I won't know until I can actually lose a significant amount of weight to see.

#2 is managing my genenral health. I have a strong family history of heart disease and stroke and TOS increases my odds even more for stroke. Still I have NOT LOST WEIGHT. I also have a family history of diabetes.

#3 is not doing enough physical activity. I want to be more physical. I enjoy physical activity, but I just don't do it enough.

#4 not really focusing on my appearance, which is supposed to be one of the perks of being female. For me I just often feel like it's pointless because I rarely find clothes I like. And I often don't feel attractive.

I totally do the same thing. It's like I have put my life on hold, and when I lose the weight that's when I will finally start living my life. It is really stupid to me, yet I can't shake that mentality! I know that the more stuff I do that I've been wanting to do, the better I'll feel about everything in general, but for some reason I keep holding myself back. Not sure how to overcome it but I'm just trying to break out of my comfort zone in little ways, like picking a school for my dd where I have to co-op and interact with other people. Or getting my hair done so I at least feel like I kind of look good. I am planning on going back to school too.

I know what you mean...

I can't count have many times I've sat at the edge of a pool and watched DH and DS's swin b/c I didn't want to be seen in a bathing suit. I've worn the same old clothes b/c I didn't want to spend money on "fat" clothes. I didn't want to go out b/c I didn't feel good about myself. It plain sucks! I've just decided that I have to make changes for me. I can't do it for the AF, my family, because of what others think of me, or anything else like that. I have to care enough about me to be healthy, because I'm worth it. I have to like myself, just for being myself. I'm still working on it, but I'm moving in the right direction.

Take time to look at yourself and tell yourself how great you are...that you are worth all the time and effort being fit and healthy takes...because YOU ARE!

It is truely a shame that we feel this way about ourselves. I too have stopped doing things because I don't look like I use to. I use to love going to the golf course with my husband and since I have gained weight I haven't been back. I'm ashamed to let people see how much weight that I have gained. I think that I am going to miss out on a lot of things unless I either lose the weight or change my thinking.