Hey, I'm new here. This board looks like a very friendly place, and I am looking forward to posting some more. Currently I have over 200lbs to lose. Its going to be a long journey.

Anyhoo...right now I am so self-conscious, its kinda sad. I hate even going out around here. Malls, forget it...I dont go to movies anymore, because I dont want to sit next to others. Restaurants, forget it. People say their body is a prison? Well now my mind is one too. I have no self-esteem. I have a degree, but I'm not using it. I somehow manage to convince myself that I wouldnt be hired in positions because of how I look. And I'm 28. No love life..no career..and I feel stuck in this life and I'm not going to get out.

That sounds kinda dramatic.. But Im trying to change. I have a chance to get into a program at a school away, So Im going in a couple of weeks for an interview... The funny thing is I'm not nervous about the interview, ( will be eventually) but I am literally petrified of stepping on the plane. Like, I think Im have anxiety attacks just thinking about it...and ofcourse, its because of my size, and the size of the seats. And I can't stop thinking about it and worrying.

People keep telling me not to worry about it, just ask for a seatbelt extender. And I'm like, I know that, that itself isnt the problem. I cant seem to stop myself..and Im going extreme thoughts, like..what if I dont fit in the seat? I have two things against me..Im tall (over 6ft) and big. (obviously! ). I'm flying by myself. I've requested an aisle seat, and what if the person I happen to sit next to causes a fuss?

This is a huge opportunity for me..why the **** do I keep psyching myself out like this. My mind is literally racing with these questions. And every now and then (when Im not thinking about the plane) the thought of "You're crazy, look at yourself. And you want to go into the healthcare field? why would they take someone like you?" creeps into my brain..and I wonder if I should even bother going. And then I hate thinking like that, and then the cycle starts again..

Sorry I keep rambling.. I guess it helps just to get these thoughts out...even if they make little sense....

Welcome Dragonfly28!
You have definitely found a wonderful and welcoming place here. Reading the posts here on these forums will help you see that your problem is not unique and that so many others have permanently changed their health and their lives with a little help from some friends. You sound like you have a great education and even more opportunities to come. Not everyone has that going for them! I can only encourage to get your weight under control starting NOW. You have a long life ahead and you need to do this for yourself. So I hope you will return often to 3FC and get the encouragement you need to succeed. I will be watching for your posts!

Hi Dragonfly:
Losing 200 lbs is a huge goal, and a long journey (Trust me, I've made the same journey!)...so break it up into small bites! Make a list of mini goals..and one of your mini goals can be to fly in an airplane and fit comfortably in an airplane seat without needing a seat belt extender. So, as you take this trip, use any nervousness or embarrassment as MOTIVATION not discouragement. Tell yourself: The next time I'm on a plane, it will be different. I don't like how I feel traveling now, but I'm going to get to the point where I love to travel, go to the mall, meet new people..etc.

I say this because it is exactly what I did!! I took a trip to Tennessee when I was 19 and about 300 lbs. I was miserable, embarrassed and frustrated and swore I'd never travel again unless something changed. I had gastric bypass at age 20 when I topped out at 340 lbs..and on my list of mini goals I included "travel comfortably and confidently" along with other things like "fit in movie seats" "be able to lower the lap bar on a rollercoaster", etc.

You know you want to make a change. You are ready to change...but you need to change the tape that is playing over and over in your head. If you keep telling yourself you can't do it, can't get hired due to your size, can't travel or meet people or go out socially...then you will have defeated yourself. Don't give in to that.

Here on 3FC you will find people of all sizes, shapes and stages of their weight loss journey..from those that needed to lose only 10-15 lbs to those of us who started over 300 lbs or more before getting started on changing our lives. This is a great place to get support.

Go to your interview with confidence and determination. Show them what an intelligent person you are, and what a perfect addition to their team you would be!

Oh...and BTW...I work for the Dept. of Health....and by NO stretch of the imagination are the employees at the Health Department all "healthy". Your current level of physical fitness has NOTHING to do with your qualifications for a health care related carreer.

I hope this post comes across with the support and encouragement I intend it to...I'm not the best at putting my thoughts into type. Hang in there babe..Like I said, it is a long journey, but you need to start making the small steps in order to get started on your path.

Kat
http://heatherstouffer.scentsy.us

Like you said yourself, it REALLY is in your head. Fly girl! It'll be OK. At worst, it'll be a couple of uncomfortable, but not DREADFUL hours. Hey, I flew on Southwest in a center seat, FACING a center seat, at size 30. And I'm tall with very long legs. I was between TWO FRAT BOYS. Now tell me that ain't fun. But you know what, we actually had a OK time. We put the armrests up, joked around, I was like, sorry guys, we're all gonna be squished here. And they were funny and friendly, because I was. It was pretty uncomfortable physically, but if you PRETEND you're going to have a good time...hey, you just might.

When I started on this journey, I was super morbidly obese, miserable, in pain and depressed. But I pretended I was happy and healthy. And, pretty soon, I wasn't pretending.

I hadn't worn a non-plus size in over five years (and previously had only worn 16s for a few months before imploding and gaining it all back!). I hadn't been in a relationship of any kind for over five years, much less a serious, happy one. Now I'm in a serious, committed relationship with a wonderful man who surprised me with flowers yesterday...me?!

You can totally do this, but it really is mental. Believe you can, because you can. You can. Just commit, believe, do it. And don't sweat the plane ride, it'll be a few hours out of a long, wonderful life. I promise.

Thank you guys for the warm welcome and words of encouragement! It really means alot to me And its super encouraging to read some of your stories and see how well you are doing with your journey now. Maybe some day I'll be able to pass on similar words

Again, thanks so much. I look forward to posting on this forum alot

I am going to jump in here as a newbie too... at least get the first post out there.

I can relate to DragonFly28's fear of airplane seats... I just flew a month ago, but before then it had been almost 2 years. Reason being... when I last flew I couldn't buckle the belt. I was too embarressed to tell the flight attendent and covered the bickle and belt end with my arm so they couldn't tell... I flew the entire way without being buckled. That doesn't even bring into play the fact that I could barely put the arm down. Luckily I was sitting next to my husband, so he was sympathetic to me and didn't say anything about me invading his space.

However, last month we flew to Vegas for vaction (and once again I was petrified with fear of not fitting or the seatbelt not buckling). I was so afraid that I actually paid to upgrade on the flight out there to first class ($100 a ticket). There were no upgrade seats available on the way back and my ticket was a middle seat. Seriously after I had been enjoying myself in Vegas for 3 days... the belt barely buckled on the way out... I was sure I was going to need an extender on the way back. My husband wasn't sitting next to me so there was no faking it out of embarressment. I was however able to buckle it this time and fit in the seat (I might have been a bit past it, but the two people on either side of me were nice about it if I was). That was the first time I felt like all the work I have been doing since the beginning of the year had paid off. I was still terribly uncomfortable and the belt barely fit (with some sucking in of the gut)... so my goal is that when I have to fly in June, that I will be able to fit relatively comfortably and be able to buckle the belt with no problem.

I am 41 pounds down since the beginning of the year.. and wanted to find a place to help keep me motivated. My Husband started at the beginning of the year too (we were both of 300) and has lost over 50 which is frustrating since I am doing pretty much the exact same thing he is... but I know men lose weight faster then women, so I keep on keeping on. We have a 19month old at the house and when I was pregnant with him I got gestational diabetes... that was kinda scarey... but managed it with diet and exercise (no insulin needed), but promised myself that before I got pregnant again I would drop at least 75 lbs. My goal is August 2010 for this. So hopefully this site becomes the support and second home that I need. I look forward to meeting all of you!

Amy