long story short , this has been going on for two years and my friend only now told me because my husband and i decided to call it quits for other reasons ( family related problems ) she felt that she could not approach me about it before because she didnt want to be the one to upset me .... i had no idea ive always trusted my husband around my friends he always proved himself to be a devoted husband taking me out all the romantic lovey doveyness ... i really thought he loved me .... turns out he was also being romantic with one of my friends .... she kept all his voicemails so i could hear them ... things along the lines of how shes so beautiful and all he could think about was her from the moment he laid eyes on her he knew he had to have her ....

she shot him down ... time and time again ( so she claims anyways, btw at that time she was 16 he was 23 she is now almost 19 and he almost 25 )

ive never felt so worthless in my whole life this hurts so bad.... i spent the last 3 days eating myself sick .... wallowing in bed .. today was the first day in three days i left my room besides for food or the bathroom ..... i know he was looking elsewhere because im fat and disgusting ,but why did he marry me .... he knew i was fat there wasnt many places i could hide such a thing ! he shows no remorse in fact he called the girl a liar ... and i believed him up until i went through the phone records and heard the voicemails for myself ... i dont know what to do ... my parents are going to say i told you so , my sisters will say the same my friends ... dont understand they try but for the most part theyre all of the thinking well just leave him , im so hurt i dont know what to do with all this hurt i just want it to stop i dont know where to take comfort how do you recover from just not being good enough... i wasnt good enough in school, i wasnt pretty enough for my husband even at my lowest weight i wasnt thin enough for my mother to be happy , i wasnt a good enough wife, why try it does matter what other people think, for all the people who say it dosent matter ... it does, unless your ok with spending your life alone. which i will probably end up doing so idk why im bothering

Awe hun, this has been a terrible blow, I'm so sorry. You are a worthwhile person who did not deserve this treatment, please believe this. He is the one who should be feeling this way, not you. You did nothing wrong.
I'm send hugs

What a terrible thing to have to go through. I'm so sorry that he lied to cover his lying! And it doesn't matter if you are a size 2 or a size 2, cheaters CHEAT. It's what they do, no matter who they're with (see: Tiger Woods).

Please realize that you are better than how low you feel right now. Your body deserves better than this. Don't pay the price for his stupidity!

I'm just sorry you have to go through this

ughhhhh ~I would just like to say~ this girl As a friend~ a true friend ~she should have let you hear the first voicemail when it was left~Sounds like maybe since y'all are seperating that she was afraid something would get out to you so she gave her side of the story first~DROP THIS SO CALLED FRIEND~& I know this may sound stupid~but My husband went out on me a few times & I did 1 time on him....We was young & stupid & We worked through it. We are stronger than ever now & we survived it.We are faithful to each other & very much in love & Best friends now & we have been married for 17 yeas now. Maybe things can be worked out~Sounds like you really love him~I am here for you if you need to chat just message me! I have went through similair situations~HUGS TO YA!!!

(I know my advice may be silly if so ignore me)

No one is "good enough" to make another person happy. No one is good enough to make a cheating spouse faithful. The truth is you can't make anyone anything. They are who they are, with or without you. And you can't please or impress everyone, either, no one can (and that's ok).


Look at Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Anniston (I don't care what Brad and Angelina say, even if they waited to have sex until after Brad and Jen's separation/divorce - it was still infidelity).

Look at all the other beautiful, intelligent, wealthy, generous, outwardly "perfect" folks who are betrayed by people they loved.

It's not about you, it's about him. No, it doesn't make you feel that much better (at least not yet), but it's true. This has everything to do with him, and very little (in fact probably nothing at all) to do with you. You could have been Jennifer Aniston or Sandra Bullock and it still would have happened.


A 23 year old man pursuing a 16 year old friend of his gf/ wife has issues that have nothing to do with the gf/wife or the marriage or anyone or anything but himself. In most states it's illegal, for goodness sake, what kind of idiot pursues a relationship that is illegal or at least one likely to inspire ridicule and contempt from his friends and family (this isn't the kind of thing that most people consider acceptable)....

You will want to learn how to identify dishonesty and lack of integrity, so you don't repeat the pattern in future with him (if you decide to stay with him) or in future relationships (if you decide not to), but swearing off relationships entirely forever isn't particulary productive (but I wouldn't worry about that just yet, let yourself mourn this relationship first. Living alone is not worse than living with someone who is bad for you).

I know it's cliche, but consider counseling. Counseling does not mean something's wrong with you, it means that you're smart and confident enough to know that you need someone on your side, someone helping you see your value and worth, someone helping you see that this is not your fault, and someone that can help you learn some ways to insure that you always treat yourself with respect and learn ways to identify trustworthiness in your relationships. There may have been warning signs you overlooked, just because some of the warning signs are really hard to spot. It's really training we all (especially girls) should get early, but schools and parents don't know how to teach this stuff.

If you do consider reconciling with your husband, I'd doubly encourage you to demand that he be in counseling too. Without counseling, I would expect him to continue this pattern, and you deserve better.


Take care of yourself, you ARE worth it.

I have to agree with Junebug41, "cheaters cheat." My son's father cheated on me with a girl who was very overweight (I was in good shape at the time)... And another girl, and another. None of whom were thinner than me (all but 1 were actually heavier), none of whom were prettier (In my humble opinion as a girl who loves girls-- I certainly wouldn't have slept with any of them). I left him, and I'm so glad I did, as I have heard from the girls who dated him after me he cheated on them, too.
I left because I have seen cheaters, my sister's husband cheated on her repeatedly, and my father cheated on every woman he dated or married, my mother included. It took her 10 years to finally leave him for good, 10 years before she realized that he would always cheat.
Some people will slip up, cheat once or have a short affair, feel bad and confess, and not do it again. Habitual cheaters will lie, call the other women or anyone who contradicts him "liars" "crazy" or "jealous." They do anything and everything to cover their tracks, and if they get away with it (especially if it's over a long period of time) they will do it again. If they don't admit fault and you stay anyway they will do it again. They feel entitled and that they are better than the women they use. They are not.

I am so sorry. I agree with the above posters - it is not YOU! A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. And as for your friend, well... that's no friend, drop her too! Look how far you've come for yourself - you're unbelievably strong just to have committed to your weight loss - so booting that loser out (and giving that girl a piece of your mind) is a piece of cake for you!! We're here for you...

well, i agree that she should have told you as soon as it happened and that she MAY not be telling the truth about it not happening but... what if she was just afraid? i mean, you adimitted that you didnt believe her

as for your husband... i dont even know what to say other than that you deserve better =/

Honey, I have been where you are now...5 1/2 years of my life wasted on a cheater. So please know that this is coming from someone who has stood in your shoes.

You sound like a wonderful person, and no matter what your size you need to realize that you are TOO GOOD FOR HIM!!! Say that over and over....YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR HIM!!! The next step is to prove it...once you are finished grieving. It takes time, but you will eventually realize that you deserve way more in life. You are young...take control now and better things will come your way.

I have been in your position,I know how much it hurts. It seems unbearable, now, but it will get better. In the meantime, know this. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. This man is a liar and a cheat, that is the truth. Take one day at a time , concentrate on yourself and your health and making a good life for yourself. You do not need someone who would cheat on you, in addition to being a cheat he sounds very immature .Life will get better, I promise.

Oh hon, I'm so sorry.

But, like they said... it's not you... it's HIM. You're good enough, he's the slimebag.

As for the weight thing? Well, let me put it to you this way. Since I was 15, I've always had a hard time finding a guy who was willing to date me because of my weight. However, I had NO problem finding guys to sleep with me for some odd reason... in fact, the majority of them that tried (and some succeeded, I'm ashamed to say, when I was younger and DUMBER) were my much thinner, much more attractive friends boyfriends. So why me? The fatty?

Well.... I think that it's just this: A slimebag is a slimebag. He doesn't care if he sleeps with a fat chick, a thin chick, an ugly chick, a pretty chick... he's just.wants.YOUKNOWWHAT!

It has nothing to do with your looks girl.

Mourn and move on. You're way, WAY too good for him!

My darling I am so sorry. You are not to blame. Do not place this burden on yourself. You are in my prayers.

Sharon

*sigh* I wish I had words to take away your pain. My heart hurts for you! Please keep saying to yourself..."I am good enough"...This is NOT about you this is about a jerk. You are in my prayers and thoughts!!

I'm so sorry this happened to you.. If you seek support in dealing with the emotions of being cheated on, i highly recommend www.survivinginfidelity.com it is a form for those who are/have gone through this. I found it very helpful when I had to deal with this situation in my own marriage. ((hugs))

Kaplods nails it all.

You are not worthless.

It's hard right now to get through a break up with the added information on top of it that he is

a) a cheater
b) not just a cheater, but messing with jailbait
c) a liar, because when confronted that's what he did

This is all HIS baggage, not yours. You do not have to carry this. Don't blame yourself for his character failings.

As for the 16 now 18 year old friend... be glad she told you eventually. I don't know her, but that's awfully young to be bothered by some 23-25 year old. I'd be more willing to give her the benefit of the doubt for her youth than him for his nastiness. (As a previous poster said, perhaps she was simply scared. If so -- creep! Freaking out teen girls!)

He lied to you, and presented a false face in your relationship. That doesn't mean your judgement is bad or you are terrible -- he was flying under false colors.

Seek counseling to support you.

GL!
A.