Or so I believed. I was hoping for a forum like this and I am thankful to find it. Often for months at a time I believed this was vanquished from my body and mind, but it has its subtle ways of sneaking back. It is always a hard road getting back to good. Many times I have accused myself of being "messed up" for not conquering the binge cycle. The realization hits when you can't conquer this - who knows why, but the pattern is set for life. I now realize this at the tender age of 24. So how will I cope?

Day by day, sometimes hour by hour....I guess. I'm only 23, and this is a hard thing to realize! For the rest of my life, I will have to watch myself.

((((hugs)))))

Read all you can about it. See if there's a support group in your area for people with eating disorders. I occasionally go to one in my area and sometimes just knowing that I'm not a freak of nature, that this is a fairly common disorder, really helps me feel better. Also, are there any therapists in your area who specialize in helping people with EDs? It's a very complex problem and I have finally accepted the fact that I cannot conquer it alone, after struggling with it for 3 decades. Doing these three things has really helped me the past few months. I'm feeling better about myself and more positive about the future.

The urges may never go away completely but if we unearth the emotional reasons why we abuse food the way we do, we can find more fulfilling ways to actually meet those needs -- because food will never do it for us.

Just remember: Neither our eating nor our weight is the fundamental problem. These are just symptoms of deeper, underlying conflicts that we don't know how to deal with, so we resort to a coping mechanism we learned in childhood or our teen years (eating OR not eating, etc.). Feeling bad about what we've eaten (or not eaten) or feeling bad about our weight is a much easier thing to handle than the emotions we're running to food or the scale to avoid.

You can improve your self-esteem and your life if you are really willing to work on yourself and examine your feelings. It's not easy. It's not always pleasant. But it really is the only "exit" from thrashing around in a dark hallway trying to escape the clutches of your ED.

Thank you for listening! I have watched this website grow for about three years and was impressed with the way it has developed. I have been a fan through my weight loss (and gain ) but now I can really get in there and 'unload' my brain.