I don't know what is wrong with me. I just can't seem to get myself on a food plan.

I joined a gym in July of last year, but never went consistently.

I went back yesterday and am meeting w/a personal trainer.

She had me get on the scale: 290 lbs.

Shocking.

Yet, all I feel is more and more out of control. The more weight I gain, the less will power I seem to have.

At this point, I just don't know how to get myself on track.

I'm so discouraged.

How did I turn into this person?

*hugs*

The same way the rest of us did. It's a slow, creeping progression. A pound here or there isn't noticeable. You get used to seeing yourself in the mirror, so when you have to go up a size something is wrong with the clothes.

How to make the changes? That's something you'll need to find out with trial and error. First, though, I'd suggest making changes on things you know aren't good for you, and do it slowly. For example, if you eat fast food twice a day (not saying you do!), then cut out one of those for 30 days. Soon, it will become second nature to not eat that one meal there. Once that happens, pick a new behavior to change.

We're all fond of the phrase "I can't lose 50 pounds once, but I can lose 5 pounds 10 times" (or whichever variant each of us chooses). You can't change 20 bad habits at once, but you can change 1 bad habit 20 times.

Keep us updated.

We all have that same question one day. Then we gather ourselves together and put one foot in front of the other. The bottom line is we are at that place. You can do this and you can succeed. It won't be simple but it will be worth it. There will be great days and not so great days. You will wonder if you can do this and I tell you, Yes You Can. You will wonder if it's worth all the trouble and I will say Yes It Is. You will even wonder why you decided to change your living habits and I say because it's the one thing we can do for ourselves to benefit others.

agree with jigglefree and altari,

I'll add one thing that really has been effective for me. While I built a plan focused on calorie counting and exercise, the most important part of my personal plan was the time I spent looking at personal barriers/failures in the past and identifying a plan to address those in a workable format, something you actually have a hope of doing (even if it is not ideal).

For example...

1. I really struggle with poor eating out habits when I travel (which I do 50% of the time). So I targeted the following workable changes, note there is nothing untenable like "only eat a side salad with no dressing when at a restaurant"
a) Always choose a hotel with a mini-fridge, and for any trips >2 days stop by the grocery store on way from airport to hotel for some healthy food
b) Commit to spending time (any amount) in the hotel gym before going out to dinner.
c) When eating out, never choose a carb as a meal base (like pasta), and always swap unhealthy sides for veggies

2. I really struggle with going to the gym in the early morning, but seem to really be effective if I can go in the 10:30-11am time range. Therefore
a) Strive to start work 30-60 minutes earlier so I can be free for a longer lunch break.
b) Think ahead and try to avoid scheduling calls/meetings in conflict with this time.


Those are only examples that are obviously highly customized to me, to my strengths and weaknesses, my situation and environment.

But carefully thinking through those things are a more important contributor to my success than the basic "Go to the gym everyday..."

You can do this, if you set your mind to it. I agree with changing small things first. Maybe concentrate on eating three balanced meals a day. Or work on making sure you get in all of your veggies. Or work on only eating (or mostly eating) whole foods. For me, I'm concentrating on eating healthily and not bingeing, and in focusing on that, I'm losing weight. I try to think of it as just for my health, and if I happen to lose weight, that's great (although I weigh myself once a week, so I know what my real goal is and all, but you know...that way, if I eat healthy foods in reasonable portions, even if the scale doesn't move, I'm sucessful.

Everyone has given such great advice, I don't have anything to add, but wanted to say, good for you for saying "enough is enough" and being determined to gain better health in the coming year!

One thing I'm learning (I'm still a newbie) is that starving myself won't work. I used to think that was dieting. I used to think that dieting meant you don't eat at all, or eat only like 500 calories a day. And I could never stay on a diet like that very long, because I felt awful, and my body fought me by making me so hungry.

I've learned now from reading here that I was going about it the wrong way.
I thought it was, either eat my high-fat, high-sugar, high-processed stuff diet and eat as much as I felt like eating, or else starve myself on one lettuce leaf a day.

But there's another way. I'm learning it here as I read and research and listen. I can choose low-cal, high-fiber foods, and high-protein foods that will make me feel full and satisfied, and that will actually give me better nutrition than I got with my previous regular menu of junk food.

I think I can do this. I think I can do this because I'm finding that, in contrast to my previous diets, when I eat 1,200 calories of these "new" foods, I'm not ravenous and feeling desperate with hunger. I don't feel weak and awful. I feel okay. Not saying a burger and fries don't look tempting, but I'm okay. I can resist because I'm not totally starving.

I'm learning here, as a newbie. Maybe I'm not the only one who had the wrong idea about diets and how to do them. Maybe others have struggled with this too.

Anyway, you can do this! If I can do this (I loooooove food) then anyone can!

Best of luck to you on your journey to a healthier, happier, new you!

*hugs too*!!

It's easy to just not step on the scale for months, and that's when the weight seems to creep on. It's such a slow progress that we don't notice those extra pounds until one day.
I know myself, I had put on weight, but I was too scared to go look at the numbers. I avoided the scale like the plague.

What you have to do is find what will motivate you. Do you want to fit into that gorgeous bikini you saw the other day? Is there someone you love whom you want to do activities with that you normaly couldn't do (hiking, running, etc)?

For me it's all those reasons and more. I love how I can help my boyfriend shovel without being so out of breath that I want to die. I want to fit in that bikini for him, and for myself.

I know you can do it! Just count those calories and put on those gym clothes, force yourself to go if you have to, and eventually once those pounds come off you will WANT to keep going to see the results

You've taken the first step already! The first two steps really! You acknowledged your weight on the scale, and bonus, you were brave enough to share it. And second, you've signed up with a personal trainer who will hold you accountable to yourself. So congratulations, you've already started. You can do this.

I promise you that you will feel better about yourself if you give it just one week. The difference can be astounding as you start gaining energy and enthusiasm. It's all over 3CF how much better newbies feel with just one week under their belts, or many times even just one day. We feel good about ourselves when we concentrate on ourselves and do things that are good for us.

You have some wonderful advice on here as to how to get started. And you HAVE already started. Let us know how it goes with the PT.

The thing is, that control is NEVER going to fall into your lap. You have to go out that and reel it in. You've got to TAKE charge of the situation, you have to go out there and TAKE that control.

How to do that? Well for me it was a few things -

Brutal honesty and realizing that being fat is/was a CHOICE. I was fat because I chose it. No one forced that food down my throat. I was indeed controlling the whole situation the whole time. I was the one that got me into the mess and therefore I was the only one that could get me out. Which is a good thing actually. I had the power to reverse it. I held the key. I had had it the whole time.

I got that control by deciding to get it. I was done being fat. I had had enough of it and here's the thing, I had had enough of being fat, didn't want to be fat any more and was WILLING to do whatever was necessary to shed the pounds and keep them off.

I was willing to get past the initial discomfort of forming new habits. The initial discomfort of passing up "those foods" and incorporating new, healthy foods. I was willing to count calories. I was willing to set up a healthy household. I was willing to get rid of the junk and add in strictly healthy fare. I was willing to exercise. I was willing to do it all. Because my desire to be thin outweighed, overpowered and overtook the desire for the "food". It became too painful to continue on eating "like that" and I figured it had to be easier to change my habits than to go on being super morbidly obese.

So, I decided to do this - once and for all and permanently, committed to do this - and again was WILLING to do this.

I then set myself up for success. I made a plan, tweaked it as need be and executed the heck out of it. I set up some rules and some boundaries for myself. I counted calories - built in portion control and accountability. I planned out every meal and snack IN ADVANCE as eating healthy doesn't happen on it's own. I added in exercise and kept increasing along the way. I did these things because I decided to lose the weight.

Losing weight and lots of it is a doable thing, for every one and any one. Yourself included. Decide to do this. Commit to do this. Being WILLING to do this and than you SHALL do this. Oh and don't dread this. Get excited. You can absolutely, positively transform your life and it's absolutely a thrilling journey. Adhering to a healthy lifestyle is a phenomenal way to live, once you get into it, I'm CERTAIN you will agree.

So many people have said lots of helpful things in this thread, and said it better than I could.
It seems as if every person hits their "tipping point", where they decide they aren't going to live the same way anymore. That they've had it, and they are ready to change themselves. Once somebody gets to that place, and decides they have to do something different, there is no stopping them. It sounds like you have reached your own tipping point, and I'm no psychic, but I see success in your future. "You've got this", as that phrase goes. I look forward to cheering on your successes.

Thanks for the support and replies so far. I guess, when I get down to it, there are a couple of things holding me back:

1. I want the food more than I want to be thin
2. My body is already be ruined from being this fat. I can't afford plastic surgery, so I will look like one giant deflated balloon. Not inspiring.

I do wish I had love in my life and realize that I could more easily find it thinner. But, then, I think who will want me with a deflated balloon body?

As to wanting the food more, I really can't explain it. It is like a compulsion almost. I want the food more than I want anything. That is why I can't seem to stick to a new food plan for more than a few days. My plan is perfectly reasonable (1800 calories), but I want the pizza. I want the ice cream, etc.

Does that ever stop? Does it ever get easier?

Yes, it does. Food is an addiction. Whether you start eating for emotional reasons (that was me), to feel more comfortable around "naturally thin" people when eating out or for the sheer pleasure of it, the foods that make us fat are also the foods that are addictive.

No matter what the specific thing is that causes weight gain, sugar is a highly addictive substance. Your body adjusts to a certain intake and expects it to continue. You basically need to "detox" from the addiction, but whether you do it slowly (through gradual change) or quickly (through an entire lifestyle overhaul) will depend on your preferences. (Note: I'm not suggesting a detox "diet plan." Those are mostly nonsense.)

One more thing that you'll need to do (we all needed to do it) is identify why you're over-indulging. I know that people say "comfort eating" is one of the hardest things to break, but, for me, it was pretty simple - once I knew I was doing it. I cried, yelled and pitied myself a lot more for a long time, but in the end I had a better grasp on my own emotional state and don't need the food to cover it all up.

beginme - I felt this way Nov of last year. I actually wrote down a 2500 calorie a day (maintenance at my then weight) food plan and could not stick to it. I finally went to therapy to get help. It did work. I am able to eat on plan now without wanting all the junk food. You can get there too. If you cannot get insurance to cover therapy you can look into Overeaters Anonymous or TOPS (taking of the pounds sensibly).

As for looking like a deflated balloon, it will not be as bad as you think. Sure there will be loose skin but it will tighten over time. Also they make shapewear and really good bras that will keep you looking nice even with loose skin. Makeup shadowing hides loose skin on the face really well.

It does stop and it does get easier!

BeginMe,

You have already gotten a lot of good advice on this thread.

But I just want to talk a little about your fear that you will become a deflated balloon body.

A lot of us take a real all or nothing approach to weight loss at the beginning. We are either huge/fat/hideous or thin/perfect/beautiful.

Truth is, there is a big continuum. The heavier you get, the worse you feel. The thinner you get the better you feel. You start to feel and look WAY BETTER long before you get anywhere near the ideal of a perfectly thin, goal weight body.

The perfectly thin perfectly perfect body is great to fantasize about, but it's not the most important thing. The most important thing is to work on what we have NOW and take concrete steps to make that body a little better every day. A little better every day is surprisingly exciting and fun and satisfying.

And it DOES get easier. Each time you rack up a success, it becomes harder to sabotage it. You start to have a bank full of good things you've done to balance against the desire to skip your workout or eat too much.

So, instead of worrying about how you might or might not look at goal, think about how you would like to look two weeks or a month from now. Do you have a pair of pants that are too tight now that you used to like, or a physical activity you've given up due to your weight?

Each time you can wear or do something new, it will be a triumph.

And if you get to goal and don't like how you look, well, you can always gain it back!

Good luck!

Yes it does stop, eventually you will get to a point where you want to be thin MORE than you want pizza and ice cream. There are many ways to get there but they all take time. For now you could take the approach of doing one healthy thing a day, one day take a walk, the next day eat a balanced meal, the next day skip dessert(or whatever works for
you).

I started at about your size, and now that I'm getting much smaller let me tell you I look
fantastic!( Nope don't mind tooting my own horn) I do have saggy skin, and my breasts sag and I'm no where near "thin" yet, but seriously I look better than I ever did at 270...even on a good day. And I am starting to get hit on all the time, men don't seem to mind my fat rolls nearly as much as I do. Anyway my point...you did not destroy your body.

You can do this, start to make small changes and they'll really add up.