...And I don't blame the holidays
I just cannot seem to get myself going - I'm afraid of obsessing over it unhealthily, as i usually do, so I'm just obsessing over the fact that I havn't made any progress (in fact i've probably gained a little weight and i have a bad haircut now so it really sticks out)

I'm at the breaking point now, there is no excuse for being this way or for feeling so down on myself. I'm a pretty cool person! I do some amazing things, but I'm stuck in this ridiculous overweight shell that I hide behind. Let's face it, I'm not interested in the type of people who would want a chubby girl

Alright, I had to vent. Now that that's over, some uplifting stuff. Tomorrow the gym, and possibly some stupid day of dieting just to feel a little more productive. Wednesday I've got sports in the morning and I'll be good the rest of the day. Hopefully I can lose a pound or so in those days so I feel like it's going somewhere and can keep it up

I'd love to find someone who just wants to chat - about losing weight or not. Feel free to pm me LL

Do you have a diet plan to go along with your exercise ?

Hi LL to 3FC. I hope this is a new beginning for you, check out the forums, lots to see and do on here.

Hi LLBattle!
So many know how you feel - been there (or are there now) - sounds like you're ready to get started - good luck with your goals and we'll be here to cheer you on!

Glad to have you join us! There are lots & lots of different groups and forums - I'm sure you'll find some that will keep you motivated, inspired and entertained! There's also info and first hand advice on different plans to help choose the right one for you and get through the ups and downs.

There are bunches of people here with more to lose and some with less - the bottom line is that we all have to do it a day at a time. The good thing is that we'll have lots of company along the way.

I've only been here a few months myself, having NEVER been part of an online forum. What has been so eye-opening is how much it has helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or defeated, I just log on and read some of the success stories, complete with their before & after photos - or read about others still dealing day to day with their challenges - and before I know it, the time has flown by and so have all the thoughts of cheating or giving up.

So welcome - you 've found the right place - join in by inspiring us and being inspired!

Welcome to 3FC and good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle

Okay. A couple of things I want to put out there. (And apologies in advance for the length. Apparently, I'm just in that mood today. XD)

First of all, obsessing, in general, is never good. But being diligent and holding yourself accountable doesn't have to lead to obsessing. In what ways do you normally obsess? Maybe we can provide some suggestions or advice on how to get around it.

My main concern here are the parts that I've bolded. First of all, being 190 and 5' 6", while overweight is far from ridiculous, sweetie. Believe me, when I hit 190, I'll be rejoicing. I'll have lost 40 lbs by then. And while I understand what you mean by that statement and by the second one, you need to learn to love yourself now. You're right that there is no reason to be down on yourself but until you embrace yourself now, the struggle to lose the weight is going to be focused entirely on the weight aspect and, for me, it was harder to focus on losing weight than it was on getting healthy. That aside, I actually find it more comforting to know that my husband married me at my highest weight because it meant there were no pretenses. I know that he loves me not for my body but for my personality. I'm beautiful to him no matter what my outward appearance to the rest of the world. And if you're suggesting that someone who is handsome and fit can't love someone who is overweight, or even obese, you are mistaken. My husband is an airborne soldier. You don't jump out of airplanes in the military if you're overweight. The risk of injury quickly becomes too high. If a healthy, fit, handsome man doesn't love you or even like you because you're chubby, make no mistake. They're NOT worth your time. Fat or thin, they'll NEVER be worth your time.

My last two big concerns... Don't approach it as dieting. Dieting is a frightening word to me because most people who are significantly overweight and simply diet always put the weight back on eventually. It's the people who commit to a full lifestyle change that succeed. If someone asks me if I'm dieting now, or how the diet is going, I tell them that I'm not dieting, I'm committing to a healthier me. My husband and I even had this conversation. He said, "You don't have to lose weight for me. You know that I think you're beautiful." And I told him: "It's not about losing weight, it's about getting healthy. And I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me, you just to get to reap the benefits of eventually having a smokin' wife." He laughed. Secondly, I wouldn't plan to lose a pound over the next few days. I wouldn't even hope for it, especially if you're struggling to get going. Plan to lose a pound in the next week. If you lose more, rejoice and consider raising your goal by a few tenths of a pound for the next week. Work up to a goal of about 2 pounds. Never plan to lose more than two pounds in a week. The heavier you are, the more likely you'll have weeks were you lose 3 or 4 pounds, but the closer you get to a healthy goal weight, the hard it becomes to create the calorie deficit you need to lose in such high quantities. And if you are going to aim high, be sure that you are eating no less that 1200 calories a day, aim for at least 10 x your goal weight or higher if your body tends to burn more calories naturally. Any remaining calorie deficit you need when your intake is that low should come ENTIRELY from exercise. Make sure that you are losing the weight in a healthy, sustainable manner or you'll only find yourself right back at your starting point once you 'go off' the diet.

That being said, here are some more direct questions and suggestions for you: How often do you weigh yourself? Every week? Every other week? Not at all in the last month? What about measurements? Or progress pictures? I like to take my measurements about once every two weeks and pictures probably come out to once a month. It was nice today to take some snap shots and find that I could see in the pictures what I couldn't see in the mirror. Differences. Example? Standing up straight, my arms no longer melt into my sides. There is a space between my side and my elbows. I will admit that I step on the scale at least once a day. It used to be a bad thing for me to do, I would let every little fluctuation from day to day effect me. Now, I don't. I use it as a judge of whether or not I'm headed in the right direction for the week.

If I haven't started to see a drop, even if only in tenths of a lb by day 4 or so of that week (Friday for me as I weigh in on Tuesday's and that is when my week starts), then I know I need to look at my caloric intake and exertions for the week. I need to check out whether or not my fat or sodium counts might have been exceptionally high or even if I've pulled a few long days (less than 7 hours of GOOD sleep). It all factors in for me. If all of that data says that I've stayed on plan, then I keep pushing it out and maybe try tweaking my calorie deficit to see if I can't jump things back into motion. But I refuse to stress about it. If you put in the effort, the changes will come eventually. But you have to commit to it.

And I'll be honest, committing, whether for the first time or for the second, or third, or nth time is always the hardest step. Don't try to change everything at once. I'd look at what you know to be your problem areas... diet, lack of exercise, etc. and start by making small adjustments. One of my goals is to cook 75% or more of my meals from scratch using the freshest, healthiest foods I can find. To this end, I've invested in two books I really like the message behind SuperFoods RX by Dr. Steven Pratt and Cook Yourself Thin. I haven't begun using any of the CYT recipes yet, but that has a lot to do with the fact that I'm not used of cooking from scratch using whole foods. So I'm making the changes in small increments by starting to add the SuperFoods to my diet in ways that are easy for me. Using soymilk and blueberries in the morning with my cereal, for example. Or mixing chickpeas in with my rice, spinach, and corn. I don't often drink soy or eat chickpeas so tossing it in with a meal I'm already familiar with makes the transition easier on me mentally. I don't stress as much over whether or not it's going to turn out okay. The point is that it's easier to make small changes and build upon them then to try and change everything at once.

When it comes to exercise, I don't know if this is a problem for you since you do sports, but I've always found that once I get back into my exercise routine, I love it and can't believe I ever stopped. Conversely, the longer I go without exercise, the easier it is to convince myself that I hate working out, despite the fact that I know it's a lie. Be sure that you work in both cardio and strength training as they go hand in hand. And make sure you get enough water and that you let your body rest at least one day a week. Don't be afraid to mix it up. If you can't afford a gym membership or you live in an area where outside exercise isn't feasible, especially in the winter, you might look into some workout DVDs. I find that 30DS is a killer workout, but I like doing it. I haven't yet been able to go a full 30 days on it, but that has more to do with me getting burnt out by doing the same moves every day. I can't move much beyond level one right now, as my upper body strength (or lack thereof) makes doing all those moves in plank position extremely difficult. Other than that, I am a strong lover of Gaiam productions. They've done a lot of videos for The Firm as well as Yoga and Pilates DVDs in a range of levels. And most of them are very easy to understand and follow.

Have a look at my posts LL. I was at my lowest ebb when I came on here. Yes, I could lose weight, but it all went straight back on. I was so down, depressed, unhappy, bad knees and ankles, feeling like the Goodyear Blimp. I went to my doctor. I've thrown all the miracle diets away and working with a dietician am eating sensibly and losing weight... slowly, but every pound lost is lost for good. I can't tell you how good that feels and what support I've had on here. I'd be your diet buddy in a shot but as I said I have to wait for my 20 days. Hang in there! We're all in this together

Thanks for all the great responses (especially garnetrising, that was intense!). i've never done the online forum thing but the responses let me know someone is out there reading this and following along.
A couple of things about me quickly - i am very obsessive, in EVERYTHING, not just weight loss so I think that it's hard for me to treat losing weight any differently than I treat studying or cleaning etc. This has however gotten me into some serious trouble in the past, and I've done some radical and not very intelligent stuff to lose the weight. Worst of all, it all failed! I never felt like the pounds were coming off, I was just not getting heavier (which in hindsight wasn't so bad)
I'm actually fairly in shape. I run a 8:30 mile, I'm a nationally competitive athlete, and am in medical school so I know how things should be working. I'm just generally unhappy with my appearance, not my health. When I look at pictures of myself, I don't see me, I feel like the mirror is even more forgiving than a camera. I leave the house in clothes that are comfortable and fit well and everything and when i see the pictures, I just see that I'm twice as wide as everyone else and my facial features seem too small for my head. Because of this, I've avoided progress pictures. I actually try but find myself deleting the files just so I don't make myself depressed! My new idea is to try to trace my sillhouette somehow in a way that will not destroy my walls but still working on that.

At the moment i'm taking about 1300 - 1500 calories a day, which has been especially hard since school began. In undergrad, I found that I was actually eating more and losing some weight! (despite not working out). Now I go to the gym every other day, and on the days i don't I spend about 2 hours in practice. So I feel like I should be seeing some movement in the numbers.

Lastly, I recently went through a very awkward breakup. My ex was extremely skinny (6'8" and often under 200 lbs) and could eat everything. I was always occupied by my weight but overall I wasn't too self conscious about it because I took solace in the fact that someone accepted me with the weight or without it. I actually started gaining some weight when he got sick and lost a lot of his appetite. Soon, I was eating the extra slice instead of him, and I just piled it all on. After the break up (we were together for 4 years) he moved on almost instantly to my friend, a very skinny girl...It really made me feel that a major problem with our relationship was my weight

Anyway, I am trying to at least keep it in balance. I would love to make a real lifestyle change but I know realistically I need to see some quick results before that can happen. If I could look in the mirror and say "ok this is working, it's worth it" i believe I will be able to manage my caloric intake, exercise, and a normal social life...but until that number or that image moves, I find myself so much more often distraught than hopeful...Thanks for the input and I'll stay posted
Good luck to all!!!
LL

Having read more about you, one thing that came to my mind is, you've got an awful lot on your plate right now...

And I think you're focusing on your body in an attempt to gain control over that awful lot of stuff.

I'd suggest two things. First, don't try increasing exercise AND lowering calories at the same time. Instead, keep your exercise the same, and raise your calories by an average of 100 per day, so you are eating 1400-1600. Make those 100 calories mostly protein. Try it for two full weeks and see what happens before you make any other changes.

Second, make time for yourself to just BE, without an agenda or task to complete. I think you would benefit from an hour a day of contemplation, gazing at the clouds, listening to music, taking a bath, fingerpainting... you get the idea. This is an unstructured hour where you let up on the pressure you're under.

Good luck...

Jay