Quote:
Originally Posted by noahsmama
daisy you and I sound very familiar. May I ask you, how did you go about discovering your emotional connection for food? That's something I need to address and am curious. If you choose not to share, I completely understand and PM if you'd like.
I initially gained my weight (60 lbs) in the Air Force. Part was laziness but a lot was lonely and emotional eating. Being sad, lonely, single and away from my family. I had no problem putting down a whole pan of brownies or a pizza by myself. I was 195 getting out and stayed that way for a couple more years. I lost some after a little dieting but I just got to the point with food that it was my friend. I didn't have many friends when I got back home and had been single for several years. It even got to the point that I almost hit 3 years without sex. I was in a deep depression and food was always there when men and friends were not. I started pulling myself out of the depression and met my boyfriend. He was very healthy and I had always wanted to be. We went through a lot with me trying to loose weight. I was down to 165 when I hit a plateau and after a few frusterating months joined MRC. I have done pretty well but after the first 2 months started BLT and just making bad decisions. The change came a few weeks ago after eating a whole box of melba at dinner. I knew the melba wasn't bad for me, its on my plan after all but why did I have to eat the whole thing!? At a WI a counselor asked me if I ever connected that overeating of melba with emotions. NO WAY!! So the next time I pulled the box down with the intent of eating the whole thing again I stopped... I felt the feelings I was having, an argument with my bf. I was mad at him. Thats why I wanted to eat. To get rid of being mad at him only then I would be mad at myself for eating the 20 extra melba. SO I sat there and went through the feelings I could have... empowerment, being proud, accomplished if I stopped at my 40 calories of melba or ashamed, quilty, unworthy, embarased mad at myself for eating it all. THen I wondered how long the urge to eat would be compared to the feeling of dread after I ate it. It was no question the dread would last at least 2 WI's because I would be mad the first one that I had to write it down and show someone and mad the second because I was imagining what weight I could have lost if I stopped at 40 cal. It just wasn't worth the battle. I did the same thing Sat. I went to a Halloween party and really wanted him to go and he didn't. It was a week long disagreement and it upset me. On the way I wanted so bad to stop at a fast food place and get a large fry. I knew it was anger that was pushing me to want that food, not the need for fuel so I waited and told myself if I am mad when I get all the way across town I can stop. I blared music and sang my lungs out driving and still had a little push for the fries. I told myself if I still wanted it after the party I could do it. At the party I made up my mind I was not going to let the fact that we argued make me eat, again it wasn't worth the dread. I felt angry and just felt it till it went away then had a great time drinking my diet rite zero. I had brought a water bottle with HNS and Fiber for after the party and drank that on the way home. By then the pull to the fries was gone. Its been much easier since these things have happened and each time I CHOOSE to be the new me it is easier. I am in control of my mouth, not my anger, lonliness, depression or frusteration. ME. Its very empowering...
Sorry its so long but I just started going and couldn't stop... hope this helps!!!