I'm brand new here and really at my wits end with weight loss. I am 40 and 1.2 and have been on a diet since I was 16. I did slim down some after my divorce and had a good time in my ages 27-31.. I have allergies and broke out in hives in 2000 and the doctor put me on prednisone which did not work. I gained 70 pounds in two months from Oct 30 to Christmas and have been a mess ever since. I just can't find my place and have any real success.. My insurance does not pay for weight loss surgery, Im at my all time high of 349 and when I got married I weighed 172. I am double my size and the more I diet the fatter I get. I dont even want to try anymore because its just one more time to fail and feel even worse. Im ashamed for anyone to see me because I look like ****, I dont even go to church for fear my classmates will see me and be horrified. It's just one more place to feel rejection. Im desperate to get this off of me because I am at risk for breast cancer and heart disease/stroke, diabetes and very high risk for blood clots due to bad veins in my right leg.. I know Im hurting myself by not tackling this once and for all but after so many starts and failures it seems like its just lip service now, it just sounds good but Im not holding out hope I will ever suceed if I couldnt do it by now.
I have very bad dark moods and I have done atkins since 2000. Ive lost weight on it and got down to 271 last summer, I hit a stressful situation and by Feb I was 330 and just yo yod my way up this high now.Its my all time highest weight right now and Im just freaked out. How could I let this happen to myself and at times it seems like my body sabotages me itself. I started atkins on 8/30 and had no sugar at all for ten days and gained 7 more pounds. I dont know if its water weight or what but I was so pissed and disgusted I said f it and have cooked pizza, bananna pudding, chili dogs and chocolate cake for my kids this weekend and pigged out. Now that its all over with I just want to kick myself what the **** was I thinking. Im single, forty and miserable, isolated, feeling left behind and cheated. I dont see other people try as hard as I do and I just dont get the results at all. Starrting to wonder if it is my thyroid but if it was why did I do so good last summer.
Actually it was 07 that I lost 30 pounds in the spring to 300 and then another 15 in the summer to 285 and just kept it off somehow and then joined a gym last summer to lose the next 15 lbs but at 510 even that I carried ok and looked and felt attractive. I look like a freaking nightmare now and no one to blame but myself. My family always commented on my overweight too so I have very minimal contact with them. I just dont need anyone making me feel worse than I do. I can't believe I never got remarried after 13 years.. I figured I would be single for maybe 2 and I have really let myself down and missing out on all the good parts of my life. For the life of me I do not know what to do or what more to do.. This is my starting place - down in a pool of tar and sinking but this is how I feel and where I'm at... and going to make a game plan and figure this out somehow..