oh dear God I am so sick of being the "nice girl" who you have to get to know. I want to be that girl that people appreciate from far away without having to talk to them first. I'm sick of blending in the background when I'm with all my wildly attractive friends. Even my boyfriend thinks of me that way. I can't take it anymore!

It's crazy how we start believing things other people tell us about ourselves. We have to tell ourselves what we are and believe in it! No matter what other people say!! I used to feel so ugly because I used to hang out with guys alot and they used to all always check out other hot girls and they loved me as their friend and used to tell me how they wish they could find a GF like me. And I was like HELLO I am SINGLE PEOPLE.. but I guess I was not attractive to them, again, like you.. my "personality was attractive"... but after a while I was sick and tired of believing this and I told myself I am hot and I am beautiful and I make heads turn (to the point where I would talk to my self in the mirror to make myself believe it more).. and before you know it the more i told myself that, the more confident I looked on the outside because of my attitude, and it made me want to dress up more often.. (make up, nice clothes etc)... next thing I know I am meeting a guy every single weekend when I go out.. and 3 months later I had like 9 guys that I was talking to ?!?! WTF ??? And I had not LOST ONE POUND.. in fact I was 8 pounds heavier !?... and now I have lost like 12 pounds but for some reason my confidence is down a bit and I havent been getting noticed at much.... I really think confidence/attitude makes a HUGE different on how other people see you... if you beleive what other people tell you- than you make it true.... if you make your Own beliefs and REALLY believe in them- then that will become the new truth... Dont know if that helps or not- but thats what I have learned/experienced! Goodluck!

I'm with you Jay - we can do this! I have a picture of Marilyn Monroe in my room at home, and that's what I see when I wake up - its my inspiration for working my butt off every morning.

I hear ya! Keep up what you're doing you'll get there!

At least you have a boyfriend, think about having been the ugly one all life and not getting the 'nice one' you talk about you are still invisible. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, all your evenings are alone, all your weekends are alone, holidays? If you want them they'll be alone. Yes, go out, but know you'll be invisible, they just don't want you. Well, let me tell you: at least you have a boyfriend!!

If it's a good relationship, it's nice to have a boyfriend. but just because someone has a boyfriend doesn't mean things are always going to be all that great. Having a boyfriend and being in a bad relationship can be stressful and not always a happy time.

When I hung out with my ex (who was then my bf) and his friends they always used to talk about the hot girls around... I remember if we were in a bar or at the beach they'd walk away from me to talk to some hot girls ...my bf said it was just talking, but it still bothered me to see the girls they talked to and checked out were thin, hot, fake boobs,etc..

Me to!!

i'm not really sure what you just said, actually. i've read it to myself a few times...

I don't have a boyfriend but apart from that---DITTO

I'm with you guys. I usually go out with my cousins and a friend of theirs, all of whom are gorgeous. I never get noticed and it's a massive blow to the self esteem every time. So I'm hoping that I can get to the point where my awesome body makes up for an unattractive face. It'd be nice if there was a guy out there actually attracted to me, not just dating me because he was desperate for a relationship (thank god I'm no longer in that relationship).

spiked punch, is that you in your avatar?

I understand your frustration. People always described me as "the kind of girl you marry" which is a wholesome sentiment I suppose. However, I have fluctuated weight noticeably twice now in the past 6 years. When I show up thinner after a few months of being away from the social scene, the compliments are instant. However, I agree with loveDC that how you present and carry yourself is just as important in people's impressions of you in any situation, whether it is at the bar or in your professional lives.

Oh my GOD, I *know*!!!!

You have no idea how badly I want that... I have been fat my whole life, and up until like 2 months ago I had literally never attracted a single guy in my entire 19 freakin' years... And so far the only ones who seemed even remotely interested were completely intoxicated/definitely weren't going after me because they thought I was hot--trust me. I've never even been kissed, let alone had a freakin' boyfriend! (Gawwd, I feel so pathetic saying that. )

I know that there are plenty of reasons to lose weight for your health, but I'm not gonna lie, there's a part of me that secretly wishes that losing weight ALSO would have included my fairy godmother waving her wand over me and - *poof* - me transforming into a hottie!! Instead, so far I'm more or less just a smaller version of the same old Meredith, only with much saggier skin.

Don't get me wrong; my confidence levels have definitely skyrocketed from what they used to be, and I *do* like a lot of things about myself, but still... I dunno, I really do wish that just for ONCE I could be the kind of girl that you described--someone who turns heads, who gets noticed from across the room, who actually gets HIT on (!!), who a guy will go out of his way to impress, etc. I want a guy to feel like he's lucky to be talking to me, not like he's doing me a favor!!

Yeah, I don't think it's ever gonna happen, but it *is* nice to dream...

I have spent my entire life believing that I was never the pretty one. Spikedpunch, I used to have the same attitude as you, that if I couldn't be pretty then at least I could be a "butterface" - how sad is that! Nobody should ever, ever feel that way. So believe me when I say I know exactly what you girls mean. Yet we're often our own harshest critic, and the way we see ourselves is very distorted. Meredith and Spikedpunch - you're both extremely cute girls, I hope you know that.

There's always that desire to be THAT girl, we always feel like we're being compared to other girls... I think all girls feel this way, and even the "hot" ones aren't completely happy with themselves. It's how society makes girls feel. loveDC is onto something here when she says a lot of it is attitude - confidence is attractive! We all long for that perfect body, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be the "hot one" (**** knows I do) but things like Meredith talked about in the post above - wanting to be hit on (you'll be skeeved out when it happens), wanting someone to want to impress you - those things aren't out of your reach. Yes, even now. So ladies - love, don't hate.

Meredith, don't feel embarrassed about that. I'm 23 and I've only had one 3 month relationship. First boyfriend, first kiss, first boy "attracted" to me was all at 23 (and like I said, only attracted to me because he was desperate). And you're definitely pretty, so don't doubt that.

I'm working on the confidence thing, but a big problem of mine is that I've still got some lingering social anxiety issues. Social situations make me uncomfortable and not confident by default.

And yep, that's me in my avatar Lachelle.