I feel really lost with this whole weight loss business. I'm confused, so I hope I can express my thoughts clearly.

I guess what it boils down to is I'm having trouble finding a plan I can A) stick to that will B) makes me lose weight fast.

I think I have a mental block against losing weight slowly because I'm afraid it won't work. I know that makes no sense, but somewhere in my mind I believe in order to get to your goal you have to lose it fast. If you lose it slowly you'll never get there, you'll just be in Fat Limbo Land forever.

Of course I realize that's ridiculous, but sometimes what you know is true and what you believe are two different things, ya know?

Also, the other thing I'm having trouble changing my belief about is junk food.

I really believe that junk is yummy, and I love it.

So not true. I actually like healthy food better. For the most part, except for ice cream and Doritos, I don't even like junk very much. It just doesn't taste that good. But in my mind junk food is "yummy" and healthy food is gross. I'm sitting here eating Fiber One with yogurt, and my mouth says it's good, while my brain says a donut would be so much better. But when I actually eat a donut it just tastes greasy and bleh.

These two things are really messing me up, because I keep going on diets that I can't stay on forever, and then binging on junk when I fall off.

Do you guys believe things that aren't true? How do you deal with it?

I used to and it has only taken me about 40 years to start dealing with reality.

At one time (or another) I believed:
* That I would lose weight just by cutting back.
* That I would start eating healthy tomorrow.
* That what I ate in secret really didn't count.
* That I really did not need to write down what I ate.
* That I really had to have that chicken biscuit and hash rounds.
* That if I paid for Weight Watchers, I really did not have to follow the plan.
* That drinking water really was not that important.
* That because I was not having health related consequences that I never would.
* That I could lose weight and then go back to the way I ate before.
* That exercise really was not that important.
* That I really did not care what I looked like.
* That I really did not care what people said.
* That I was really quite happy with weighing almost 300 pounds with a 5'2" frame.

Then one day reality hit and I found:

* That I could not do the things I really wanted to do like getting on the floor to play with my first grandson.
* That my knees could not continue to carry this weight without hurting.
* That there really are health consequences for being this size.
* That what I ate in secret really did have calories.
* That I really was embarrassed about how I looked.
* That I really did care what people thought about me.
* That I really was not happy weighing almost 300 pounds.

But there was a happy side when I found:

*That drinking water made me feel better and not be so hungry.
*That keeping a food journal was not so much work.
*That I felt good after exercising.
*That vegetables really taste good.
*That the grease in that chicken biscuit and hash rounds really tasted bad.

Which lead to me:
*playing on the floor with my grandson
*going shopping for hours
*sleeping better at night
*having much less pain
*feeling better about myself
*socializing more
*being a happier person

I have decided that I want to believe what is true. That is my wish for you too! Hang in there, it is worth it!

wow do i get where you're coming from! I didn't even start to figure that much out til i hit about 38 so you're way ahead of the game -- at least knowing something is skewed in your mind is better than living in denial right?

All I can say is what's 'worked' for me the past few years -- basically, i forced myself to grow up. Yes Tracey I know cookies are yummy, but eat an apple it's better for you LOL I say things like to myself!!! Just like I can't spend all my hard earned money on shoes and toys for myself, I can't indulge every whim of food craving either. I force myself to think like a grown up and to "spend" my calories in a day the way I'd spend money. The bulk of it on basics, and if there's some left over, a few little extras. NO OVERDRAFT lol. I wish there was an easy answer - belive me if there was, I'D BUY IT.

It's very possible to believe something is true and yet know it's false. Part of being human means we can believe one thing and also believe its opposite.

It doesn't seem to make sense, and we interpret that to mean there's something wrong with us - we're either stupid or crazy, but the fact is we're neither.

Some of the false stuff we were taught without realizing we were being taught. There's a "culture" of weight loss, and we learn it just by being in this society. We see what other people say and do - we read about it, we watch it on tv, and we absorb the "culture" without realizing it, and all the thought, behaviors, and interpretations we've been taught.

Why do we decide after a slip not to pick ourselves up and keep going - and instead decide to eat whatever we want (and maybe even more than we want) and declare we will start fresh tomorrow, or Monday, or the first of the month or "after the Holidays (any holiday)", or the first of the year? It's because we're taught that is what dieters do.

Mostly we don't even think about the "why," we just do or think or react in the way we don't even realize we've been taught to do.

Think about it this way, we're all taught that small changes and slow weight loss is a good way to lose wieght. But are we really taught that? What magazine cover shouts "lose less than 1 lb a month with our new diet plan!"

No one talks about losing weight slowly - at least not without apologizing for it. I'm losing VERY slowly, and I'm happy with that, and instead of apologizing for it, I suppose I should be bragging about it, or at least talking about it more, but those of us losing slowly sometimes feel, even if we feel it's right for us, that we're doing something WRONG by doing it this way.

I'm dieting "backwards," now. I tried to lose fast all of my life, and I always ended up feeling frustrated and deprived. One of the many things I changed
(and most of the things I have changed have been mental) is instead of deciding what I was willing to do to lose weight fast, I asked myself "what am I willing to do forever - whether or not I lose any weight at all." I took the weight itself as far out of the equation as possible (which hasn't been very far, but still it makes a difference knowing my day does not revolve around the number on the scale when I weigh myself in the morning).

In many ways, I think learning to lose weight means unlearning as much as it means learning. The "common wisdom" on weight loss is often wrong - and the only way to overcome the wrong beliefs is to confront them. "Talk to yourself," and talk yourself out of the beliefs you know are false. Write them down and write why you think you believe them, and why you know they are wrong.

It's very difficult to swim upstream of culture. Nonconformity does not always come naturally, it sometimes has to be deliberate.

time2lose, I LOVE your list! My gosh, were you watching me all those years???

That's it. All that magical thinking and denial!

thinpossible, just keep trying to stay with your plan and watch what happens. Your thinking will change...

Jay

I get sort of down sometimes cause my weight isnt coming off fast enough. Its just not fast enough! But then I tell myself "I am doing this right, the right way, not doing something like a fad diet that lets you lose quickly then it all comes back". I guess we just have to give ourselves pep talks, for me its pretty much daily. Tell yourself that this WILL happen, it just takes time. Im always telling myself, "It takes time Margaret".........it sucks to know that but its the truth. And then I think of people who have success stories, like for example Rockin Robin on here. She is a success, but for her it didnt happen overnight. And she didnt stop all her healthy ways once she met goal. She still sticks to them. Its a lifestyle change.........REALLY.

I lost one pound last week. And Im not very happy. But........Im not giving up. Im too unhappy to give up, which would mean staying at this weight forever, and I WILL NOT DO THAT. If it takes me 5 yrs to lose this weight, well then Ill be doing it for 5 yrs. Im just too frigging unhappy to stay like this. Bottom line.

I hope you can find what works for you. Because all we have is time.........its up to us what we do with it. All we have is time........

It's hard to get out of that way of thinking. Women are so hard on themselves and expect 110% out of everything they do. Even if we are losing weight and it's just not to our expectations we are more apt to give it up instead of plugging along.

Remember if you hear things over and over again you start to believe it. Make an effort when you start to think of something negative stop and say something positive out loud.....cheesy I know but you have to hear it So the next time your brain wants donuts go to the mirror look yourself in the eye (not your nose) and say it out loud.

Have you tried breaking your goal down to smaller mini-goals? You know in your head that the ultimate goal is where you want to be but rewarding yourself for the little successes to keep your spirit up.

Instead of saying "I can't believe I only lost 1 pound. To heck with this." tell yourself "Hey that is 1 pound down! Way to go!"

I really really really thought when I was told to be more positive and all of this positive affirmation junk was just that...junk. It was not until I was like what the heck...I might as well try it. I've done about everything else...it did help me change for the better.

Oh yeah and try not to think about it as a diet but a lifestyle. Another cheesy thing but I swear when I started to change my eating habits and activity & thought of it as my new lifestyle it was harder for me to think about giving up.

I hit this moment frequently, I just want to be at a healthy weight already. I'm not sure if it makes sense, but I try to just see each day as a little bit better and try hard not to focus so much on the end goal or a number, just did it do pretty good today? Did I try to live a healthier life? And if the answer is that I could do better, then I do better the next day, and etc.

Gosh, your input is helping me so much! Thank you, some really good food for thought (and no calories in thought! )

I totally get you.
I've been at this losing weight thing for 6 months now and I've lost almost 30 lbs. The other day someone posted that they've lost 100 lbs in the same time frame and it sort of got to me.
Of course I could have done things more drastically or trying to stick to my plan 100% each and every single day since and maybe I would have lost more weight. Or maybe not. Maybe I would've given up by now from all the ways I felt deprived.

Now as for all the not so good food, I have good days and bad days. Fortunately, I am now getting to the point where even after eating that piece of whatever that looked so good, I can acknowledge that I don't even enjoy eating it that much and it's getting a bit easier to pass on it the next time (I am not perfect and I am sure I will slip up again). At least now I have more good days than bad days and I am perfectly happy eating all my vegetables and fruits.
I also finally made the connection on how much better I feel when I eat the way I am supposed to eat to lose weight and how crummy I get when I don't: after not being able to eat outside for months due to health issues, a couple of weeks ago DH and I went to a pub to celebrate his birthday and I ate greasy pub food which left me feeling like crap all day.

I suggestion for you might be to do daily affirmations. Write down all the things you'd like to do in a positive way and read them out loud a every morning right after waking up and before going to sleep.
So for example, you might want to write something like; "I enjoy eating vegetables every day"
I figure it works as a sort of self brain-wash and lots of people swear by it. I never had the discipline to do it, but might work for you

time2lose, thank you for articulating a lot of my own feelings (and doing it in bullet points, too -- at my job, writing for business, you'd get a gold star for that alone).

I'd say that desire to lose quickly was the #1 point of failure for me my entire life. Not because I was afraid of being stuck in limbo, but more just part of my general impatient I-want-it-now approach.

When the lightbulb went on, it changed my life. I still struggle with weight and food -- I'm back on the boards after having a several-year period of regaining -- but I have the key now. I just have to use it.

Here's the deal: I realized that I couldn't diet to lose weight. I had to change my eating habits for life and then, as a side effect, the weight would come off. That doesn't sound very goal-oriented, does it? That's not what the common knowledge is, is it? We all have had this mindset that losing weight includes setting a goal weight and even attaching a deadline to it, weighing in daily/weekly -- even being "accountable" to someone about that number, comparing your progress to that of other people, making charts and graphs and using tickers, etc. etc. For me, all of that only reinforced the impatience and set me up for a fall when my body didn't lose weight as quickly as the math said it should.

So, I have tried to look at the change to my life, not a means to an end. Yes, I've fallen, but it's not that hard to get up because I'm not faced with the same old bug-a-boos that got me in the past. When I started my original journey, I said, "It doesn't matter if it takes a year or five years to get to my healthy weight (whatever that might be!). My lifestyle will be the same before and after." Instead of having goals related to weight and time, I set goals about my behavior. I didn't have a goal about how much weight I wanted to lose in a week, my goal was about going to the gym 3 times, or trying a new vegetable, or planning for an alternate activity when I had an urge to eat off plan.

It's a tough mindset to turn around, I know. But keep talking to yourself in a positive way, and let go of the idea that the point is to "lose weight." The point is to "live healthy." The weight will take care of itself sooner or later.

Yeah, I get like that too. Believe it or not, I lost 8 pounds last week. Then in the last 4 days I went up a pound, then down two pounds, for a new of one pound in 4 days yet my brain is saying "You're on a stall! You're not going to lose anymore weight! You can eat healthy for months and you'll never lose another pounds!" Ridiculous. I have to just ignore myself sometimes.

I wish I had more time to post, but I don't. But I must find the time to comment on time2lose's post.

Since I'm pressed for time, I'll just say that it is brilliant. Brilliant.

I just have to say AMEN to all these great posts! It's like you guys are in my head!