So tonight i was talking to my bff and she nos Ive been dieting for like a yr. I was talking to her about how i wanted to be single 4 awhile so that away I can get to where I can love myself. u cant love others until u love urself. she was like skinny girls have problems to u know? (shes is also a bigger girl that just got married) I am like i know but i want to be HEALTHY and happy. I dont want to be the "fat girl" or "just one of the guys" anymore. And she was like our group of guy friends that we do hang out with, she was like there always going to see you as that girl so y even try. i was like hello i am doing this 4 myself no1 else. thats great u feel good inside but i dont. as far as our guy friends thats fine they want to see me as 1 of the guys thats fine, but i really dont think they can can see me succeed in this weightloss. (cuz they tell me they dont) Yes i know ive lost 102 but they seem me at this weight be4 so they dont notice i have lost weight. Sometimes I dont really think they know i am a girl. lol I have to open there eyes, but she was like y do u care what they think, n i dont but it still be nice to show them off and prove it that i can do this and i will lose the weight. u know??? she just put a damper on my evening. lol So i had to vent. Any1 else have this problem

You have done a fantastic job at losing! Congratulations! Don't count on the opinions of others, they have their own ideas as to why they think as they do. Keep on what you are doing and eventually people will notice.

Hey youuuu!!!
I'm so glad you're still working towards the weight loss! I haven't talked to ya in ages!!

That's too bad that your friend can't see why you're doing this! Sure, yes, thin people have problems too, everyone does. Granted, I'm willing to bet that not as many thin people have the problem of going into mild panic attacks the way I do sometimes when I go clothing shopping.

It must be frustrating for you to have lost as much weight as you have and not have people take notice and be proud of you! I mean, 102 lbs woman, you're a rockstar! Guys are simply capable of being extraordinarily unobservant, and sometimes painfully rude about weight loss efforts, so I would do your damndest to ignore their snide jabs about not believing you're capable of reaching your goals. WE know you can, and that's all that matters. I hope you stick it to 'em and prove them wrong!!!

thanks guys, i know we havent talked in ages i saw u came back on the other day and it looks like ur doing great on ur weightloss too

I have been facing some resistance from friends on my weight loss too. It's a little different 'cause they're more concerned that I'm going anorexic on them. I think it's hard sometimes to have friends that are overweight as well who aren't trying to lose weight because sometimes they are just like 'Be happy with how your body is. I am!' And you can't tell them that it's more about getting healthy and doing things for yourself because you don't want to hurt their self-esteem or seem like you're judging them and because they are in fact beautiful just how they are. I'm still working on how to deal with it, but I think I just keep trying to tell them and myself 'This is something I'm doing for me for my own reasons and I'm not trying to force anything on anyone else. It's just about me.' It's still definitely tricky though.

I can't believe anyone can see you lose 102 pounds and think you can't do it. How absurd - tells you what their opinion is worth! Thankfully, you SO know better

It sometimes helps to remember that every one is different. And sometimes what they say is based on their own insecurities and fears and doubts, and not on you.

Ive had this problem before. The thing is, Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs. I was a skinny twig when I met him. I slowly started to gain weight little by little and now I am just NOT happy with how I am. I constantly feel like when he checks out other girls (which I honestly dont care cause we tease eachother about looking at other people) and he says they are pretty, I cant help but think that deep down he wishes that I was the same way I was when he met me. Half the people he looks at are skinny anyways, and it just makes me think. I know that he loves me the way I look now, but I cant help but think that maybe he would rather have me look like that. Part of me wants to lose weight for myself, but another part of me also wants to lose weight for him so I can be the whole "package" for him. It kind of sounds stupid but it seems that since I gained weight, I overanalyze things WAY to much, and I know I shouldnt but it finally feels good to find somewhere I can vent out and have people understand exactly what Im talking about.

hey there as i was reading your story it brought bak so many memories- when i was at school i had heaps and heaps of guy friends but no boyfriends and i was just one of the boys u could say? but then i left school lost about 40 pounds so i was skinny and all i needed was one boy to notice (after about 4 weeks of being 40 lbs lighter) and then suddenly it spread like fire and i was noticed and it was all anyone could talk about. your time will come i promise!!

and celigirl88 - i am in the exact same position- when i met him i was skinny and 2 yrs later im not everything you said is my relationship right now. but he is the main reason i will lose weight because i know he loves me but really its not fair on him- he isnt going to just breakup with me cos ive gained- but you can just tell when sumone isnt as attracted anymore. and the other half is we just need to be healthy so we can live a long and happy life!

oh i know my time will come tarryn, and i will have the last laugh (even tho they thing they will)

haha you have to tell us the moment something happens,its so exciting and the best feeeling!!

Even though I know it happens all the time, I don't understand why people get so defensive over the fact that others are doing something to better themselves. It's not a slight against anyone and yet they act like us losing weight is a personal attack on them. I don't get it. I think a lot of it comes out of anxiety that you'll become a different person on the inside to match the new you on the outside. I really don't know but I think it's ridiculous. Since I've started losing weight, I've had issues with a co-worker I used to get along fabulously with. I miss the way we used to get on but unless she gets her head out of her @$$ it's not going to happen. Hopefully your friend withdraws her head soon.

My boyfriend hasn't lost my weight loss either, but my girlfriends have.


So - I think it's safe to say that guys aren't going to notice if you gain or loose, they still see you the same.

Frustrating... yes.... but also good maybe?

Not hearing the whole conversation, it can be hard to tell, but it sounds to me like your friend was asking you not to put your life on hold, while trying to lose weight. Yes, skinny girls do have problems too, and you've got to have your head in the right place before you add in complications, but you shouldn't stress and avoid until things are perfect, because they probably will never be.

Also, trying to force friends or even aquaintences into seeing you differently, often backfires if you don't get the exact reaction you were invisioning. If you try to "show them," you could be very disappointed if it never is a big deal to them one way or another.

Your confidence doesn't have to come from your weight. Your self love doesn't have to come from your weight. And if you're expecting it to, you could end up being thin and insecure and unhappy. Practicing the self love and confidence now, doesn't mean you're sacrificing your goals of health and weight loss for the future. You can have it all.

That doesn't mean you should start dating if you're not ready to, but do be wary of putting your life on hold until you reach some arbitrary point on the scale.

I can honestly say I've been one of those people that was accused of being "jealous" of someone else's weightloss. I'm the type of person who tells you like it is and I'm also very confrontational so I get myself in some business sometimes but anyways.. my friend used to be about my size and now she's probably a size 4. From what I could tell she did most of it fairly healthy. She worked out a LOT I just don't think she ate enough- but that wasn't the issue with me. I could not stand the way she started looking at me(not just me)- like I was this big disgusting blob of what she used to be. She became obsessed with her looks and judging others and when I confronted her about it she told me I was just jealous. I'm sorry.. jealous of your new mirror fettish? No. I've made a vow not to get so caught up in my weight loss that I forget about my life and that the people in it are amazing. I've got a pretty good balance so far!