I am going to whine about my trip to the lady doctor yesterday. She said, "I'm going to talk to you about something I know you don't want to talk about."

"Okay?" I said.

"Your weight. You are too young to be this weight."

(Weird. I didn't know that I had to reach a certain age before obesity was appropriate.)

"Yes," I said. "And you'll note that I've lost 25 pounds since I last saw you."

"Really?" she replied, dismissively, while conducting my breast exam. "Well, you need to lose more."

(YA THINK?!? -- said my inner sassy-pants.)

"I am actively losing weight," I told her, still smiling because dammit I am proud of the work I am doing and I'm not going to let this woman with no perspective on the situation make me feel bad about myself.

And then again before the exam was over, she said (during the pelvic exam), "Especially problematic is this belly fat. It's not good for your organs. You really need to do something about this."

I seriously wanted to jump up out of the stirrups and scream, "What do you want me to get accomplished between the first time you've mentioned my weight and this time, two minutes later? What would you like me to do to fix this RIGHT NOW? I told you I am actively losing weight and instead of commending me you want to continue to remind me about what I already know? THANKS, B!T(#!!!!"

But how badass can one be in a paper gown?

*grumble*

No wonder I had chips and cheese and salsa last night instead of my "normal" BistroMD dinner! Good thing I didn't go "way off" the charts. No need to punish myself for that woman's nonsense. But, MAN, these emotional triggers are mines in a field, aren't they. Even though I've done so much good work, there's still so much to do.

*sigh*

Thank you for allowing me the space to vent.

ignore her... i bet she has never even thought about the realities of losing weight !

you have lost 3 inches off of your waist, thats awesome!! we think your brilliant.

on a side note, i can totally relate... i am considered just in the obese category yet when i saw a female doctor a few months ago about trying to lose weight she told me she would not help as i didnt need to.

she was on the larger side herself, larger than me and clearly had issues admitting i needed to lose weight.

i now see a wonderful male doctor who is like my dads age. he is thoroughly supportive of me in every way!

I actually really like doctors that tell me I need to lose weight. My doctor basically says the same thing, 'you need to lose more'

I'm posting that on my desk. Thank you.

Believe me, I didn't mind the first time. It was the "continuing to harp on it" thing that ticked me off. I mean, what was I going to do differently due to the continued nagging? Nothing! Just get peeved.

But I had no problem with her first comment. None at all! I was actually ready for it and pleased that I was going to be able to point out how much weight I had lost since she and I had last seen each other (three years ago).

Ah, well.

My doc did pretty much the same thing to me about 5 years ago when I had lost about 50 lbs. I was so pumped going into her office, thinking she would notice, but she didn't, and then made a similar comment to the above quote. I was crestfallen.

sometimes people can be so ignorant. we of all people know that dropping 25lbs doesn't just happen. obviously you've been working hard, so good for you!

if i were you i'd laugh it off and find a new lady doctor who knows what she's talking about!

Can I play Devil's Advocate here a bit?

There's another thread somewhere around here where people are talking about how sad it is that the medical community doens't pay*more* attention to overweight patients and talk to them more about the risks of being overweight. I think it's GREAT that your doctor talked to you about it and continued to push you ... and I'll explain why.

First of all the comment about age: As you get older your metabolism slows and it is much harder to lose weight (trust me on this one! ). So I think to a degree it is appropriate to say "you're too young" ... a younger person should have a better metabolism, joints and muscles should be in better condition, and they should be in a better position to be and stay in good shape. So ... I do think there's a grain of truth there.

I also suspect that doctors hear a lot of people saying "I'm working on it" when they aren't, just to get them to shut up about it. And it seems to me (just based on what you wrote here) that your responses were very defensive from the get-go, which I don't understand.

If you are proud about the progress you've made, then why could the conversatoin have not have gone more like this:

DR: "I'm going to talk to you about something I know you don't want to talk about."
YOU: "Okay?"
DR: "Your weight. You are too young to be this weight."
YOU: "I know and actually I've lost 25 lbs since X date which I'm really proud of! I've been using X diet plan and I've been hitting the gym at least 3x a week. Do you have any other information on weight loss that I might use or read up on? Or do you have a plan that you recommend?"

Simply by acknowledging her comments and asking her advice, you've thrown the ball back in her court - rather than getting defensive and making her think you are just blowing off her comments.

(Disclaimer - I wasn't there, I don't know the exact comments that were said, I don't know you or her ... and I could be way off base. But based on what you wrote, this is my take on it.)

.

Crestfallen! That is the perfect word. Exactly. Believe me, I wasn't looking for an ego boost by any means--I KNOW I have a lot of weight to lose--but it was the harping on it that rubbed me the wrong way. *sigh*

Thank you. Yes... just a tip of the hat to the good work I had already done would've been lovely. You're right. Thank you.

I don't disagree that it's great that she talked to me about it. The pushing was unnecessary. There is NOTHING I was going to be able to do right that second to fix anything. I had already heard her, already told her I was working on it--and have evidence right there in my chart that that's not just some flip response/lie/something to get her off my back--and her pushing was what upset me.

Nope. Not "very defensive from the get-go." My POST may have come off as defensive, because by the time I'm writing about it, I've been stewing on the experience and I'm really not liking having had someone get me riled up.

My actual words to her, when she said I was too young for this weight, were,

"Yes. I know. Thank you. And I've been working on it."
"Really?"
"Yes. I think you'll see from my chart how far down I am from last time. I am actively losing weight."
"Hmm."

If she had acknowledged that, yes, there has been a drop in my weight and I'm "on the right track" and "keep going" and "good for you--so many don't realize it's important" or ANYTHING positive, I could've even dealt with the return-to-the-topic two minutes later as she pushed into my squishy belly and said, "This fat is very problematic. See? That's what I mean. You have to do something about this."

DUH! WE JUST TALKED ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING!!

Grr.

So, anyway, sorry. YES, my POST "sounds" defensive because I've come up with all of the sassy-pants things I *wish* I had said to her, rather than bringing this attitude home and having let it impact my food choices last night.

Just ONE WORD of encouragement from her would've made all the difference.

And that's why I was describing this as a mine field of emotions and ego blows. Because sometimes it just takes ONE LITTLE THING to make it "all better." And, similarly, sometimes it takes just ONE LITTLE THING to cause a derailing-the-diet spiral.

That's all I was saying.

Got it. And you did the disclaimer at first, too, saying you'd like to play devil's advocate, so I totally took your post in the spirit it was meant. Thank you.

I don't disagree with anything you've said and I really appreciate the post. Just venting, more than anything. YES, I value a health-care provider who doesn't let me hide from problems. YES. I just also value someone who acknowledges progress and provides a launch pad for MORE progress, not an emotional reaction to the "harping on it" thing.

Thanks, everyone!!!

I think the first words out of my mouth the last time I went to the doctor was 'I've been working on losing weight', just to avoid this exact conversation. I'm sorry you have such a sucky doctor; I hope you find an awesome, supportive one like the one I just found. You're doing an amazing job with your weight loss, and you deserve to have all the support you can get, especially from your medical professional.

I think that it takes a special kind of crass to not see that criticizing a woman about her weight while you have a hand on her breast or inside her is not a good idea.

Thank you. Good news is, I'm still pleased with my checkup. I really appreciate your support and encouragement.

I guess the bottom line is: I gotta remember that I can come HERE to get support for the good work I've already done... and not let ANYTHING that happens "out there" define how good I feel about having accomplished even a one-pound loss.

Because it's all hard work and we've gotta be proud of it. Thanks, everyone!

Perhaps cluelessness is a better word than "crass".

ROFL!!!!!! ROFL!!!!!!!!! That's hilarious! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!! *HOWL*