Anyway in my profile on the dating site there is this question what type of body type are you usually attracted on. My answer is "I know it is quite ironic, but I was mostly attracted to really thin guys. However, I have dated men of all body types, so it is the character that mostly matters"

This guy now sends me this email saying that my profile makes him laugh because I am fat and I want to date thin guys, so practically I expect them to look beyond appearance and I don't.

Lol mind you this guy is overweight but his face was handsome so if he had actually started a chat, I would be very interested in him (well if the character was good as well).

The thing is that, a) I have turned many slender guys down before that their characters did not match mine b) there are so many overweight guys out there that say they like skinny girls but apparently it is ok for them to say so but not for the women to do so.

Oh well, can't save everyone.

What is wrong with being attracted to thin guys? I always liked tall, thin, geeky guys... I ended up marrying one. Although I dated other body types before. Some guys like certain physical attributes, some girls like certain physical attributes, it doesn't mean that those are requirements or that they are the foundations for the relationship.

It sounds like this question is asking for trouble. If I were filling it out I would make up an answer that doesn't really answer the question. Personality is much more important than body type, and I would not want to offend potential dates (or tell them they are not my type) before I even chat with them.

I never would have guessed that I would meet my husband on a dating website!
Good luck!
Beth

Ok, I am quite truthful. I don't really understant why for him it would be offensive since he stated in his profile that he likes skinny girls. Since when his claim must be ok and not mine?

You know something, the essence is to be able to say what attracts you without fear. And also not for anyone to act like he is doing you a favour for dating you just because you are not slim. I have seen guys having that attitude.

See I am backwards, I am attracted to more beefy guys and always dated them with 1-2 exceptions..lol and I married a tall thin man..lol Although my first love was a tall thin guy too, so maybe it is pure karma..lol

That is so funny- and good for you and having a laugh about it Yes it is sad- that there are so many people out there with double standards - many are men vs. women! Oh, well- what can you do

I think you are very cute by the way I love your avi!


Bertie

Obviously he has a double standard in this regard, feeling it is ok for him, but not for you (perhaps he thinks women aren't supposed to care about such things). When someone has an illogical double standard, no amount of logic will change their perceptions, or explain their beliefs. An unfortunate side effect of freedom of expression, is that "stupid" opinions are often expressed (maybe "stupid" is a little harsh, because I suppose we all have at least one illogical belief or even double standard).

You have a right to be as blunt as you like in your ad, and if it offends some people, so be it. In my experience, though, men are much less likely to respond to an ad if they don't meet even a single stated preference. Maybe these men are less flexible than the average woman, and/or expect women to be the same. Or maybe it's just fear of rejection. Regardless, if you would consider dating someone outside your preferred type, stating that preferred type (even if you clarify) might scare away guys that fit all of your other preferences.

Another thing to consider, is that while guys (or gals) can state double standard preferences, doing so does affect the response to the ad, both in terms of who and how many respond. I know I ignored all of the ads that even hinted at a double standard preference whether it be ugly/fat/short/old/jobless man looking for beatiful/slim/tall/young/wealthy woman.

When I placed the ad that netted my husband, I had read that fat men are particularly afraid of rejection from fat women. And while fat is not my ideal preference, I was certainly willing to date an overweight man. I also didn't want to attract men who were only attracted to fat women, as I didn't want to always be a fat woman. So I made it clear in my ad that I was fat and dieting and looking for someone who shared those goals or was sympathetic to them.

Placing ads is difficult. You do want to attract as many replies from people you would consider, but you want to weed out the ones that are way off your type. It's hard getting that balance right.

On the other hand of course, I have received mails from guys I have winked and attempted to start a chat that clearly said " Sorry, you are not my body type" when they had added in their profiles Body type: Any. I find this more hypocritical that actually stating, yes I am attracted to this body type. And yes, for me the sexual attraction is ridiculously skinny, skeletal guys. Just seeing them and I want to do naughty things if you know what I mean. The same does not happen even with normal weighted people. It is just some weird sense of attraction. And if overweight men fear of rejection, skinny men might have the same. My ex was ridiculously skinny (yummy) and he was constantly trying to fatten himself up. I recall him eating this huge portions of food and sweets, while he unsuccessfully tried to gain weight (what he had in his metabolism, I want it please), while stating how embarrassed he was of being so skinny. ^.^0

No, you are asking them to look for the qualities in you (hopefully some physical and some personality related) that they are attracted to, right?

SoulBliss, you are very smart and got it indeed. Plus this few days I met this guy, who is not exactly gorgeous or skinny (a bit plump actually) but he is the cleverest man I ever met. And I find him quite suitable for a date, because he is so damn clever (for my the intellect is the biggest turn on).

Lol, I guess if I stated that appearance doesn't matter and I just want the man to be smart, they would accuse me of being racist against the not-so-smart.

SoulBliss, you are very smart and got it indeed. Plus this few days I met this guy, who is not exactly gorgeous or skinny (a bit plump actually) but he is the cleverest man I ever met. And I find him quite suitable for a date, because he is so damn clever (for me the intellect is the biggest turn on).

Lol, I guess if I stated that appearance doesn't matter and I just want the man to be smart, they would accuse me of being racist against the not-so-smart.

Lol, I had replied back, and he just replied saying he apologises in the case it offended me. He says he did not intended to sound offensive and he told me I am pretty. Lol, I guess it excites them, when you stand up for youself. I said not to worry himself too much and I would love us to put this incident behind and chat as if nothing happened.

I think confidence is very attractive, in a man or a woman.

In sharing my experience, I didn't mean that I thought you were wrong, either in your preferences or how you stated them. Just that if you were open to dating a man who was overweight, or otherwise not of your physical preference, that might be difficult to convey in a personal ad, and therefore might reduce the number of replies you get (which isn't necessarilys a bad thing).

Everyone fears rejection, and when reading personals, people generally look for the ads that seem to be least likely to end in rejection. I know for myself, it was harder to respond to an ad, when there was even one stated preference that just wasn't me (and I know guys are the same). As a blonde (barely, but still a blonde), I hesitated when I saw an ad from a guy that stated a preference for redheads, even if everything else "matched."

My husband said he was very afraid to respond to my ad, and very surprised that I answered it because I have a master's degree and stated so in my ad, while he hadn't finished college. I hadn't stated a preference for an intelligent or formally educated man (though he was the former, he wasn't the latter), but "reading between the lines" he almost chickened out. We both would have lost out.

I have to say, I'm glad to be married and out of the briar patch that is dating.

Geez, I'm glad you have a sense of humor about it because I think I'd be mad! He is implying that being overweight is a bad thing by saying "because I am fat and I want to date thin guys... I expect them to look beyond appearance and I don't." Why, just because you are overweight, are you expecting them to look beyond appearance? This guy doesn't sound funny, just jerky.

I would've been mad too. If it had been me and the guy said that, I would've turned on him so fast he wouldnt know what hit him, lol. I hate double standards.


However, I am very attracted to fit military guys, and ended up marrying one, lol. But in my defense, I've known since the 8th grade, lol.