Okay...here's the scoop. My daughter, who is in 8th grade, literally sobs herself to sleep at night on Sundays because she hates school so passionately. The only thing I can get out of her as to why she hates it so much is that she says the girls drive her nuts, all chirping down the hallway, arm-in-arm, flirting with the boys and she says she has no friends. Well, she has one friend that she's had since first grade, but a new girl moved to town and pretty much absorbed her only friend and the group that she hangs out with and has effectively removed my daughter from the group. When my daughter tried so sit with them at lunch, the new girl says, "Can you skooch down please, there's not enough room for us..." and my daughter will either move or say, "No, I was here first." and the new girl just says, "Pleeeese?" Other girls, she says are just boy crazy and some have lost their virginity (in middle school!!) already and she just hates the shameless flirting. And she REALLY can't stand the girls that are 60 lbs that walk around complaining about how FAT they are (when my daughter is more the fluffy, thick-ish in the middle body type). I'm sure we ALL can relate to that!!

I've taken my daughter to the doctor for problems breathing and the minute the doctor came in, he could see the look on her face that she's suffering from anxiety and that the shortness of breath is a result of this. He gave her some light counseling, but didn't really prescribe anything or give me any ideas to help her.

So, recently, my daughter and my husband have been campaigning to get me to home school her, citing reasons that most of what kids get from school is social interaction and that if her social interaction is damaging her self-esteem, I should just keep her home and home school her.

She is in band and plays clarinet, but even that interest has waned...she's first clarinet in 7th/8th grade band and I hate to have her lose that. She's also interested in the girls hockey team in high school and I told her that the hockey team would be out of the question if she quits school and is home schooled (although, I could take her to a local hockey program, but it would be WAY more expensive in equipment and gas driving to games).

Problem I'm having is...in the big picture, I can see how my daughter and I could really make this work...get her up by 7:30 and get a walk in together, and get right to the school work, then we could work together around the house and she could help me to redecorate rooms, use the sewing machine to make curtains, look up new recipes on All Recipes.com and make them for dinner together...adding nice, domestic additions to her education. I could sign her up for guitar lessons in town and take her to the ice rink for skate and shoot and the the art museum for art lessons. I could see it as being 'our time' and really bonding as mother and daughter.

On the other hand, am I teaching her to be a quitter by walking away from adversity? Are the girls in middle school still going to be annoyingly chirpy in high school or will they be more tolerable as they mature?

I just don't know...any and all comments are greatly appreciated. Just please don't yell at me as I'm very sensitive to this subject and my husband and I have already had enough strong words over it.

Thanks!!

I have a teen daughter just one grade above yours and I so relate. Junior High and High School is a HARSH time for most kids. It was for me. I abhorred every moment of it. My best suggestion is counseling- individual to help her deal with the anxiety and joint, to help you both make the best, well thought out decision for her and your family.

It's not easy, but your sensitivity to her needs is beautiful and you'll find the best solution, working together.

Well here is my stance on this. I am a teacher and I feel that 1) the schools do not do enough to supervise the nasty little groups that form on the school grounds. 2) Girls at this age, and until they get to be 17+ are MEAN, not all mind you but the majority that I have experienced.

If you feel your daughter would be better educated and have a better learning environment at home with you then go for it. BUT, you need to make sure, as your plan shows, that you will be getting the school work completed in a timely manner. This means just because she doesnt have formal school hours, that there is 4-6 hours set aside per day to get this work done. Add as much exercise/arts/music in as possible as these are areas that will really benefit her as she grows older. And all else fails, try! You can tell her that you are willing to try it for 1 semester and see how it goes. Then if it isnt going well, you can re-enroll her in formal school (maybe a different school). Or if it is going well and you are both benefiting from the extra time, then so be it. There are some schools that will allow home schooled students to participate in the schools band program, so that is worth checking into. Also sometimes they allow this for Physical Education. So check into it, and also ask your school district what is required for your home schooling credits to count towards her education. Good luck to you both!

I was home schooled K-12 and loved every minute of it. I loved how much free time I had. I loved being able to learn at my own pace, and focus more on subjects that I was interested in. I loved being with my family all the time. And you know how people say about spending time with your kids: "It's not about quantity, it's about quality"? Well, I disagree. Just spending a lot of time with your daughter will help you two grow closer. My mom is one of my closest friends (and my siblings are next in line) and I wouldn't have it any other way.
And you know, even if you do start home schooling and it doesn't work out for you, you could always stop after a year. I bet you won't want to, though!

Oh, I can remember those days. I hated going to school...I just HATED it! I was picked on non-stop until about 10th grade.

My DH and I have 5 boys (17, 15, 13, 11, 10 ). I homeschooled all of them. Currently the three older ones are going to a private christian school. Next year my 15 year old wants to come home. I asked him why he wants to be homeschooled again and he told me that he can focus better and he wants to work on improving his grades for transcripts.

Homeschooling one child will be easy ( at least I think so ) and if she really wants to do this I say GO FOR IT!! You'll never know until you give it a try. There are days when I still want to pull out my hair (I'm only schooling the two youngest right now) BUT...you have the opportunity to spend more time with your daughter and teach her about homemaking and your family values. Plus you will have more time with her and when our children are young that is precious time!!

First thing you'll have to do is find our your state laws. I'm sure you could goggle those. Then go from there. Don't forget to find out about cyber schools some peolpe like that idea. I do the text book style of teaching because that's what I'm comfortalbe with. You can also do what is called a unit study and they are fun even for older kids.

I hope everything works out for you and your daughter. I know how she feels...and I can remember crying on the school bus nearly everyday.

Trust your "mommy gut".....if you feel this is best for her, most definitely do it!

I'm a big supporter of letting kids decide what they want in almost everything. It takes a lot of trust on the parent's end to do this, but you would be amazed at the results!

Yes, homeschooling is a good option! We have hs'ed our 2 boys their entire school career (one's in 10th grade, the other in 6th). Don't listen to anyone who says hs'ers don't get socialized and will not get along in society. Our kids are socialized to be respectful and responsible, very unlike most of the public schooled kids in our area. And, people notice the difference. Our oldest is in our local police department's Explorer program riding along with the officers and they have told me they think he's a really great kid and love to have him along (some of the ps kids drive them crazy on ride-alongs!). In our state, hs'ers have the option to 'dual-enroll' and take classes that the parent doesn't feel comfortable teaching, such as band or higher math, as well as team sports, so check into that. We have not done the dual-enrollment thing, as we have the boys taking private guitar and drum lessons and they get a lot of friend-time at church youth group activities, including mission work and community involvement. Check into testing requirements. We give the boys the Iowa test each year, so we don't have to have a supervising teacher, but again each state is different. Look for a state homeschool group on-line. They can usually give you all the legal information. We have found that with hs'ing, every day is a learning experience. We travel when we want and are not tied into the school's schedule and can use our trips as giant field trips learning history, geography, and really all the subjects in a hands-on manner. Go for it! Help protect your daughter's sense of well-being and enjoy having her at home. Like the others said, you can change your mind later, especially if you see that some of the ps kids start to mature and grow out of the nasty phase. But, there's nothing wrong with hs'ing all through. Most colleges accept hs'ers and you can take ACT, SAT, and other tests whenever they're given at the school, just like any other student. Sorry I went on so long. Best wishes to you both!

I have to agree with SoulBliss and StillTryin on this one. If you think that, educationally, homeschooling would be better for your daughter then go for it. But I think what you are talking about is something that a lot of kids your daughter's age goes through. Like many who have posted, I went through it too.

You may be removing her from a tough situation, but what does that teach her in the long run? That you will save her from any uncomfortable situation she may get into? I understand wanting to protect her, but I think you have to enable her with tools she needs to protect herself. Counseling sounds like a wonderful idea.

And just be very happy that she is talking to you about what is going on in that school, especially with the whole boy/girl stuff. It sounds like you two have a great, open relationship. I'm like that with my parents - they are my best friends. I can talk to them about anything.

PS I was never home schooled

I think you've been given a lot of gret advice! In the end - only you and your family can decide what's best.
I just wanted to jump in and say, that reading your post broke my heart. I, too, went through a very hard time in Jr. high and High school. It affected me for a long time. Things did get better in High School, though. And I did have a few friends that stood by me along the way. It breaks my heart that girls can be so mean to each other.
On one hand, I can understand not wanting to teach her that she can run away from adversity - but on the other hand, if she is already showing signs of anxiety... How is that good for her, either?

I would say, either decision you make, you may want to get her some couseling, too, to help her learn and heal from this. Many girls suffer through this at this age - I think we all could have benifited from some counseling.

My heart goes out to you and your daughter!

If it were me, (I have 2 DD's 19 and 15) I would go to a professional who specializes in adolescents and discuss it with him/her. Maybe you could put off making a decision until your daughter has met several times with the counselor and then the counselor could help you ALL make a good decision together. I'm not for or against home schooling, I'm just about making the best decision based on YOUR daughters needs. Good luck.

I would say that both options have their pros and cons. If she stays in her current school, I would say counseling of some sort should definitely be looked into, to help her anxiety and self esteem.

There is also the issue of a quality education here. If she stays in a high anxiety situation, will she really be getting the quality education she needs? Her schoolwork could suffer simply from her being in an anxious frame of mind all the time. It sounds like she's already losing interest in band as it is, and that's one of the more fun subjects.

If you decide to home school, are you by nature a teacher? Do you like being in an acedemic setting, and having it be very structured, with a lesson plan for the year, etc? If so, this could be a very good thing for your daughter. There are home schooling organizations too, so you could even join one of those.

In the times we live in, with people getting more and more uncaring at a younger age, home schooling can be a very good option. Good luck whatever you decide!

I agree with this. I remember how horrible junior high was. I actually found high school to be more pleasant because there were a lot more groups for me to join where I felt comfortable (even though they were geeky groups).

This reminds me of a Natalie Merchant song where she's basically speaking to a 13 year old girl who feels ugly and unworthy, and there's a line at the end "There's just no getting 'round the fact that you're 13 right now."

I'll be honest and say that I do tend to think that pulling her out is really more of a temporary solution and will not resolve any underlying issues she's having. If she's lonely now while going to school and seeing kids her own age (and yes, being snubbed is a part of that) I'm sure she'd initially feel some relief that she doesn't have to go to that place anymore. But I wonder if in the long run she'd still feel lonely and isolated by not going to school. But I also know there are things like homeschool co-ops where you can arrange for her to meet with others her own age.

It is a complicated situation. I think it is important with you to discuss your concerns with professionals. Start by arranging a meeting with her school's counseling office (or something similar). Let them know what is going on and that you are seriously considering homeschooling. They may be more biased than some, but your daughter is still a student at that school and her well-being should be of their concern. If you don't feel comfortable with that, ask if they can refer you to another counselor in the area.

Best of luck! How I wish I could make my baby girl stay 2 forever.

I sympathize with your situation. My daughter had similar problems which came to a peak in 9th grade. She was also very involved in band & swimming. She came to me and begged to go to a different school. She had already been to a therapist for counseling, which helped a little. I cried because we had recently moved to a suburb for the "good" school there but she hated it. We allowed her to transfer back into a large urban school and it was the best thing we ever did. She blossomed there. Got involved in debate, color guard and continued in band and swimming. She got away from the girl cliques that were driving her crazy. She felt she could be more of an individual and I think that by allowing her to make the decision was empowering to her. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut and do what's best for your child, even though it seems hard at the time.

Well TECH...

My wife is a public school teacher ~

My son is a public school teacher ~

My daughter in law is a public school teacher ~

My daughter is almost done with her Master's ~

My son in law is a kidnapping home school'ed product....

I trust you got my PM...you know where I stand ...

I stand with ANNE!

Gary: I've been replying to your PM for about two hours. When you see how long it is you'll regret PMing me Thanks!

With my husband in the middle of a job change, he keeps getting asked to move to another state. One week, it's Maine, next, its Vermont/New Hampshire, then Erie, PA, now he's being offered the state of Michigan. Every time this comes up, my daughter is like, "YES!! I'll move! Should I start packing now?" Of course, talking about moving and actually moving are two different things, altogether.

All of your replies have been so helpful. I've been reading them throughout the day. Keep them coming!! Really!!